Crying is a normal part of early childhood development. Babies cry to communicate their needs and toddlers may cry in frustration when they cannot express themselves verbally. As children grow, crying remains an expression of intense emotions.
Parents want to comfort their children when they are upset. However, crying can be stressful, annoying, or embarrassing for parents. Some may yell at their children in these moments. But is this an effective parenting strategy? Below we will explore the reasons children cry, the effects of yelling, and better ways to respond when your child is in tears.
Why Do Children Cry?
Children cry for many reasons. Here are some of the most common:
Physical Reasons
- Hunger
- Tiredness
- Discomfort from a wet diaper, gas, etc.
- Sickness or pain
These cries indicate a physical need. Infants rely on crying to alert caregivers when they are uncomfortable. Trying to eliminate these cries would be futile and neglect the child’s needs. The appropriate response is to gently attend to the need prompting the tears.
Emotional Reasons
- Frustration/anger
- Fear
- Overstimulation
- Loneliness
- Sadness
Toddlers cry frequently in frustration – they know what they want to do but lack the communication skills or motor skills to achieve it. Crying helps release this tension. Older children and teenagers may cry in anger, embarrassment, or sadness. Crying provides an emotional release.
To Get Attention
Babies quickly learn that crying summons adult care. Toddlers may use crying to gain attention from distracted parents. Even without bad intent, children learn that loud crying gets a faster response.
The Effects of Yelling at a Crying Child
Yelling at a child for crying often stems from parental frustration but has many detrimental effects:
It Fails to Address the Cause
Yelling does not remedy the underlying reason for the tears. The child still feels hunger, anger, fear, or whatever triggered the crying spell. Yelling prolongs the crying by ignoring the root cause.
It Damages the Parent-Child Bond
Parental yelling frightens children and makes them feel rejected. Yelling weakens the loving bond between parent and child. Children lose trust in their parents as a source of safety and support.
It Models Poor Behavior
Yelling teaches the child that aggression is an acceptable response to negative emotions. The child learns to yell when angered or frustrated with peers.
| Age | Effects of Yelling |
|---|---|
| Babies | May learn to “tune out” yelling, damaging future communication |
| Toddlers | Become fearful and anxious |
| School-aged | May struggle with self-regulation and act out with aggression |
| Teens | Increased risk of depression and low self-esteem |
It Raises Stress Hormones
Yelling triggers a fight-or-flight reaction in children. Stress hormones like cortisol flood the body. Chronic stress from yelling impairs developing brains and immune systems.
Better Ways to Respond to Crying
It’s understandable to feel frustrated by crying. But yelling usually makes matters worse. Here are more effective ways to respond:
For babies:
- Check for underlying needs like hunger or discomfort.
- Hold, rock, or walk with baby to provide comfort.
- Distract with toys or songs.
- Let baby safely cry it out if not hungry or in pain.
For toddlers:
- Acknowledge their feelings and desires.
- Distract with a new toy or activity.
- Offer two positive choices to redirect behavior.
- Give them space to safely express frustration.
For all ages:
- Stay calm and model desired behavior.
- Provide loving comfort and validation.
- Teach coping strategies like deep breaths.
- Apologize if you make a parenting mistake.
When tensions rise:
- Take a parenting time-out to relax.
- Call a friend or partner for support.
- Apologize afterwards and repair bonds.
Conclusion
Crying is normal for children, but frustrating for parents. The temptation to yell reveals more about parental stress than child misbehavior. Yelling prolongs tears, damages the parent-child relationship, and teaches poor coping skills. Responding with empathy, teaching emotional intelligence, and apologizing for overreactions are better strategies that help the whole family.