Texting a person you’re dating or interested in can be nerve-wracking. You may wonder how often you should text them to keep the relationship moving forward without coming on too strong. The answer depends on where you are in the relationship, your communication styles and preferences, and your intuition.
The Beginning Stages
When you first start dating someone or have gone on a few dates, texting every day builds connection. Both people typically want to get to know each other better during this exciting time. Texting daily keeps you front of mind, makes you feel more comfortable with each other, and builds rapport.
Aim for a balance between showing interest and not being overbearing. When first dating, a few texts per day is often a sweet spot. Say good morning, check in during the day, and say goodnight. Don’t text nonstop from morning to evening or double-text without a reply.
Pay attention to the frequency and depth of their responses. Match their cadence to avoid mismatched expectations. Some warning signs they may feel smothered:
- Their replies start taking longer.
- Responses get shorter with less engagement.
- They quit initiating texts.
If this happens, ease up to once a day or every other day. Give them space without disappearing completely.
A Few Months In
When you’ve been seeing each other for a few months, daily texting may feel excessive. The passion of the beginning dies down somewhat and you enter a phase of building comfort and intimacy.
You should know each other fairly well by now. Texting all throughout the day can intrude on your individual lives. Consider scaling back to a good morning and goodnight text. Sprinkle in a few conversations over the course of the day or week.
At this stage your communication should have depth. Discuss meaningful topics and share vulnerabilities. Don’t rely solely on flirty small talk.
How often you should text also depends on time spent together in person. If you see each other multiple times a week, less frequent texting often feels natural. If schedules allow less frequent in-person dates, keep texting regularly to stay connected.
Several Months to Years Together
For established couples who have been together for over 6 months or longer, texting everyday may not be necessary or realistic. You likely text much less once the relationship has settled into a comfortable groove.
Send a text when you’re thinking of them, want to share something that happened, or need to coordinate plans. But constant texting can feel smothering at this stage.
Focus more on quality in-person time over daily digital communication. Don’t take less frequent texting as a sign of disinterest. You know and trust each other better now.
That said, make sure you’re not drifting too far apart. Check in at least a few times a week to stay connected. Share funny tidbits, updates on your life, and relationship check-ins.
During Fights or Issues
When you’re fighting or going through a rough patch, resist the urge to text your partner constantly. Flooding them will likely make things worse.
Give each other some breathing room to process the situation and cool down. Wait until you’re both calmer to discuss the topic rationally. Apologize or work toward a resolution face-to-face if possible.
Avoid hashing things out over text since messages can be misconstrued. Only discuss lighter topics unrelated to the argument until you work through it. Get professional help for recurring conflicts you can’t resolve.
When Apart
Physical separation makes it harder to connect and requires more digital communication. Text each other at least once a day when apart to keep the flame alive.
Send texts describing what you did that day, inside jokes, romantic messages, and countdowns to seeing each other again. Exchange photos and links to songs or articles you think they’ll like.
Video chat instead of just texting when possible. Hearing their voice and seeing their face helps tremendously.
Handling Differing Texting Styles
Clashing texting styles can cause tension in relationships. If one partner constantly demands more texts, the other may feel controlled or overwhelmed. Discuss differences openly and compromise.
Some solutions for mismatches:
- Agree to a daily phone call if your partner prefers more communication.
- Set designated digital detox times.
- Reassure them your slower responses aren’t disinterest.
- Request they wait a bit before double texting.
Remember relationships involve two people. Don’t get caught up in rigid rules about how often to text.
When to Text Less
There are certain situations where dialing back daily texting is wise:
- Early dating when you come on too strong
- Once you’re committed and don’t need constant contact
- When taking space after an argument
- If your partner requests less frequent texting
- When spending more time together in person
- If texts distract from work or school obligations
Even if you text less overall, continue to check in periodically and make plans.
Signs to Text More
Here are indications you should step up your texting frequency:
- When first dating to build rapport
- If your partner requests more texts
- During long distance relationships
- If you haven’t seen each other in awhile
- After a fight to check in
- When one of you is going through a hard time
Boosting texts shows you care and want to support them.
Conclusion
So how often should you text the person you’re dating? It depends on the circumstances and stage of your relationship. Make sure your texting aligns with both of your expectations. Discuss differences openly and find a comfortable middle ground.
While daily texting works well in the beginning, less frequent communication often feels natural as couples get to know each other better. Focus more on quality time together as your relationship progresses.
Overall, let intimacy, intuition and respect for each other guide your texting cadence.
| Relationship Stage | Recommended Texting Frequency |
|---|---|
| First few dates | Daily, with 2-5 texts per day |
| A few months in | Daily “good morning” and “goodnight” texts, with a few conversations sprinkled through the week |
| 6+ months | A few times per week |
| Long distance | Daily texts to stay connected |
| Fighting | Texts focused on lighter topics, not constant or argumentative |