Human papillomavirus (HPV) is very common, with an estimated 80% of sexually active people contracting it at some point in their lives. There are over 100 strains of HPV, with around 40 strains that can infect the genitals. Most strains of HPV do not cause any symptoms and go away on their own within 1-2 years. However, there are some “high risk” strains of HPV that can persist and potentially lead to cancer. Two of these high risk strains, HPV 16 and HPV 18, account for around 70% of cervical cancers.
If you have been diagnosed with high risk HPV, you may be wondering if you need to inform your partner. Here we’ll go over key questions to help you decide:
Am I still contagious?
Yes, even without symptoms you can still transmit high risk HPV strains to sexual partners. HPV is passed via skin-to-skin sexual contact, so condoms provide some protection but cannot fully prevent transmission. High risk HPV can persist for many years or even decades in some cases. There is no test to determine whether you are still contagious – you have to assume you could transmit the virus.
Does my partner likely already have HPV?
Possibly. If your partner has had multiple sexual partners in the past, the chances are good they have already been exposed to HPV at some point. They may have even had the exact same high risk strain you have now. There is no approved test for HPV testing in men, so it’s impossible to know if an asymptomatic male partner already harbors the virus.
Can HPV be dangerous for my male partner?
HPV does not pose a major health threat to men. However, men can develop genital warts from certain strains. More importantly, if you engage in oral sex, your male partner is at risk for developing HPV-associated cancers of the mouth and throat. While relatively uncommon, rates of these cancers are rising rapidly due to HPV infection.
What if my partner gets tested?
There is no approved test for HPV in men, so your male partner cannot get tested. If your partner is female, be aware that HPV testing is only approved as part of cervical cancer screening. There is no general test to determine exposure to HPV or check for high risk strains. Even if your female partner tests negative for high risk HPV strains, it does not necessarily mean she isn’t already infected. False negatives happen, and she could still develop HPV-related disease in the future.
Key Considerations
When deciding whether to inform your partner about having high risk HPV, keep the following key points in mind:
Your partner’s right to know
Sexual partners share responsibility for sexually transmitted infections. Even if there is no known treatment or cure, informing partners of potential exposure gives them the opportunity to seek screening and preventative care. For female partners, knowing about exposure to high risk HPV strains allows closer monitoring for cervical cell changes.
Potential stigma
There is still stigma surrounding STIs, including HPV. Some partners may react negatively to learning you have high risk HPV. Be prepared for uncomfortable conversations and the need for education. Focus on the facts about how extremely common and easily transmitted HPV is. Make it clear it does not imply infidelity or risky behavior.
Preventing transmission and cancer risk
Telling your partner allows you both to take precautions, such as using condoms correctly, to lower risks of transmitting the virus or developing HPV-related cancers. While not 100% protective, condoms do help curb transmission. Oral sex is riskier and barriers like dental dams can help. Quitting smoking is also important, as smoking increases susceptibility to HPV-related cancers.
Emotional impact
Being diagnosed with any STI, especially one linked to cancer, can be scary and stressful. Disclosing to a partner may help alleviate some of the emotional burden. It can be comforting to know your partner supports you through diagnosis and management. However, the conversation could also add to already complicated emotions. Think through your needs and whether your partner is someone who can handle this sensitively.
When to disclose
Ideally, disclosure would happen early in a new relationship, prior to having sex, just as with any other STI. With an existing relationship, the conversation will likely be more difficult the longer you wait. Disclose as soon as you feel comfortable, keeping the above considerations in mind. There is no perfect time but know it may get more awkward with delay.
How to Tell Your Partner
Having decided disclosure is the right choice, here are some tips for having the conversation:
Pick a private moment
Have the conversation in person when you are alone and free from distractions. Do not tell your partner right before or after sex. Allot time for an extended, two-way discussion.
Lead with empathy
Recognize the conversation may not be easy for your partner either. Lead by acknowledging you have something sensitive to discuss about your health, and you are available to fully explain and answer any questions. Offer reassurance you want to have an open and honest conversation.
Stick to the facts
Focus first on factual information about HPV – how common it is, how it is transmitted, and how most people clear the infection naturally within a few years. Share your diagnosis and details about your specific strain. Provide information about how you will monitor your health going forward. Stick to neutral language during the initial disclosure.
Make a plan together
Once you have shared the news and discussed any initial reactions or concerns, talk about next steps and how you can support each other. Be ready with suggestions – get tested for other STIs, minimize risky behaviors, consider seeing a counselor together if needed. Present a team approach.
Keep communicating
This will likely not be the last conversation about HPV you have with your partner. Make sure to check in and continue discussing screening, sexual health, and your emotional needs around living with high risk HPV. Ongoing open communication builds trust.
FAQs
Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about telling a partner about high risk HPV:
Do I have to tell my partner if we already had unprotected sex?
You should still inform your partner even after having unprotected sex. They likely have already been exposed, but telling them allows for informed healthcare choices. Honesty preserves trust in the relationship.
What if my partner gets really upset?
Give an upset partner space initially. Follow up calmly to see if they have questions or want to discuss concerns. Offer resources to learn more about HPV. Seek counseling together if needed to work through any relationship impact.
Can I transmit high risk HPV through oral sex?
Yes, HPV can be spread from oral sex. Using barriers such as dental dams for oral sex on a female partner or condoms for oral sex on a male partner reduces risks. Avoid oral sex during an active HPV outbreak.
Do condoms fully protect against getting HPV?
Condoms reduce but cannot guarantee against HPV transmission. They do not cover all infected genital skin. However, correct condom use does seem to lower HPV risk. Using condoms may also help speed clearance of HPV infection.
If I have HPV, do I have to tell future partners too?
Yes, you should inform all future partners if you test positive for any high risk strain of HPV. Even long-term partners who you previously did not tell need to know about an HPV diagnosis. It allows them to also get screened and lower their cancer risks.
Can my partner get tested for high risk HPV strains?
There is no HPV test approved for men. For female partners, HPV testing is only used as part of routine cervical cancer screening. There is no general screening to check individuals for high risk HPV infection.
Conclusion
Being diagnosed with high risk HPV can be stressful. Deciding whether to tell your partner is a complex and personal choice. Consider your partner’s right to know their exposure risks, the potential effects on your relationship, and strategies for moving forward together in preventing further spread and getting appropriate screening. Disclosure with empathy, facts, and a team outlook tends to work best. With open communication, your relationship can potentially grow stronger in caring for each other’s health.