Sharing a room with siblings or other family members is a common experience for many children. About 25% of kids in the U.S. share a bedroom with a sibling or other family member. Parents often wonder if this is the best arrangement for their kids or if having their own room would be better. There are pros and cons to sharing versus having your own room that parents should consider when deciding what’s best for their family.
Quick Answers
– Sharing a room can help kids learn important life skills like compromise, conflict resolution, and respect for others.
– Having privacy and personal space is also important for kids. Shared rooms limit alone time and can cause problems like sleep disruptions.
– Factors like family size, home size, ages of kids, and personalities should be considered when deciding on shared vs. private rooms.
– Creative shared room arrangements like room dividers and schedules can help balance benefits of sharing with need for privacy.
– As kids reach pre-teen/teen years, lack of privacy in shared rooms becomes more problematic.
The Potential Benefits of Sharing a Room
While sharing a bedroom is often seen as inconvenient or undesirable for kids, it isn’t necessarily bad and can have some benefits:
Promotes Relationship-Building with Siblings
Sharing a room gives siblings more time together, which can promote relationship-building. Having to share space can teach compromise as siblings learn to co-exist peacefully. One study found siblings who share rooms have more positive relationships as adults than those who didn’t. The researchers theorized that sharing space from a young age promotes tolerance, conflict resolution, and empathy.
Helps Kids Develop Life Skills
Navigating issues like space sharing, privacy, noise, and clutter can help kids develop important life skills. Shared rooms can help kids learn:
– Compromise – Finding fair solutions for both kids.
– Respect for others – Respecting a sibling’s space and needs.
– Conflict resolution – Working through issues constructively.
– Sharing – Sharing space and possessions fairly.
– Communication – Communicating needs effectively.
– Empathy – Understanding a sibling’s perspective.
Can Be Financially Beneficial for Families
For families with several children but limited space, sharing bedrooms may be a financial necessity to avoid the high costs of home expansion or relocation. Even for families that could afford extra space, shared rooms can allow kids to share furnishings like beds, desks, and dressers that might otherwise need to be purchased twice.
Allows Close Bonding with a Sibling
The large amount of time spent together from sharing a room, especially at night before bed, can allow siblings to bond more closely than they otherwise would. They get to know each other on a deeper level and may become lifelong confidants. This can be especially true for siblings close in age.
Feels Comforting
Younger children may feel safer and more secure sleeping in a room with an older sibling. For kids who experience anxiety or fear at nighttime, this comfort can be very beneficial. As kids get older, the comfort and familiarity of having a sibling in the same room can continue being reassuring.
The Challenges of Sharing a Bedroom
While there are some advantages, sharing a bedroom also has some significant drawbacks for kids:
Lack of Privacy
Sharing a bedroom understandably limits kids’ privacy, both because another person is present and personal belongings must be shared. Having privacy is very important developmentally, especially as kids grow older. Without it, kids can struggle to explore independence, establish identity, and have personal downtime.
Less Personal Space
In addition to privacy, having personal space is important. When siblings share tight quarters, it’s hard to carve out space for self-expression and individual interests. Kids can end up feeling cramped, overwhelmed, or resentful.
Disruptions to Sleep
Shared rooms often lead to problems getting good sleep, like:
– Irregular bedtimes based on sibling’s schedule.
– Noise and interruptions from sibling.
– Uncomfortable sleep environment due to sharing preferences.
– Waking each other up.
Kids need sleep for healthy development so disruptions can be problematic. Lack of sleep negatively affects mood, behavior, focus, and academic performance.
More Conflict
The increased time together and forced sharing of personal space in shared rooms can spark more squabbles and arguments between siblings. These conflicts can create tension and negatively impact the sibling relationship.
Less Room for Activities
With shared bedrooms, kids have less space for playing, studying, hobbies, and using their own furnishings. Lack of floor space and surfaces like desks and shelving can hamper kids’ ability to engage in activities.
Reduced Ability to Personalize
Kids have a natural desire to make spaces their own and express themselves through decor, furnishings, etc. This is very difficult in shared rooms where possessions and decoration choices must work for both kids.
Factors to Consider
When weighing shared vs. private bedrooms for your kids, here are some important factors to consider:
Age of Kids
Younger kids seem to adjust better to sharing bedrooms. As kids reach pre-teen and teenage years, lack of privacy becomes more problematic as they strive for independence. Kids with a large age gap may also struggle to share if they’re at different developmental stages.
Kids’ Gender
It’s typical for opposite gender siblings only to share rooms when quite young. As kids approach puberty, giving them separate rooms is recommended. Same gender siblings can often share more easily throughout childhood.
Kids’ Personality and Relationships
Some kids require more personal space while others thrive sharing rooms. Pre-existing tensions or personality clashes between siblings can make sharing very difficult. Strong, positive bonds between siblings can enable smoother room sharing.
Family Size and Home Size
In smaller homes with large families, there may not physically be enough bedrooms to give each kid their own room. The logistics of space in a home is a practical consideration that can dictate shared bedrooms.
Nighttime Needs
Kids who require very specific conditions to sleep well may struggle more with a shared room. Early or light sleepers may have issues if a sibling stays up later or sleeps restlessly. Consulting kids on what helps them sleep best is wise.
Making Shared Rooms Work
If shared bedrooms can’t be avoided, there are ways parents can make the situation better for kids:
Set Up Defined Spaces
Use furniture, curtains, area rugs, or dividers to delineate each child’s space. Let them decorate their own side how they wish. This allows some personalization and privacy.
Purchase Duplicate Key Items
Getting duplicates of key items like desks, dressers and beds can ensure both kids have their own space for activities and storage. This prevents disputes over sharing essential pieces.
Agree on Shared Guidelines
Have kids help establish rules on noise, cleanliness, guests, borrowing items, bedtimes, etc. Written or posted rules that both kids accept can reduce conflicts. Enforce guidelines consistently.
Give Each Child Private Storage
Provide separate, private storage space like closet areas or footlockers where kids can keep personal items and have privacy. Locking storage helps older kids gain independence.
Incorporate Flexible Room Dividers
Use movable furniture or screens to temporarily divide space for alone time. This balances togetherness with private time in the shared space.
Ensure Fair Room Sharing
Divide room evenly in terms of storage, floor space and wall space for decor. Split prime areas like windows fairly. Rotate desired areas over time if needed.
Allow Personal Space Outside the Bedroom
Ensure kids have other areas in or outside the home where they can go for true privacy and alone time when needed. Kids need this outlet.
Have a Plan for Compromise
When disagreements about the room arise, have a constructive discussion where kids express their viewpoints and agree on fair compromises. Stress compromise and respect.
Set Media and Activity Schedules
Take turns choosing media content and activities in the room. Alternate preferred activities fairly like one child’s hobby one night and the other child’s the next. This prevents conflict over what to do in the shared space.
Ensure Good Sleep Conditions
Make sure lighting, noise, temperature and bedtimes align with both kids’ needs for good sleep. Use white noise machines, ear plugs and sleep masks if needed. Prioritize bedtime rules.
Separate Beds Completely
Ensure kids have their own mattresses and bedding. This reduces sleep disruptions and creates more personal space. Bunk beds can be an efficient use of floor space for separation.
When to Make the Switch to Private Rooms
While shared rooms can work well when kids are younger, there comes a time as kids grow when moving to private bedrooms becomes advisable. Signs it may be time for separate rooms include:
– Constant conflicts and issues sharing the room
– Markedly different bedtimes or sleep habits disrupting rest
– A need for very different room environments
– Lack of space for age-appropriate play or activities
– Kids expressing strong desires for privacy and alone time
– Onset of puberty and teenage years
– Major differences in sibling’s ages/developmental stages
– Persistent problems getting good sleep for either child
Ideally, separate rooms should be provided before frustrations over lack of personal space and privacy reach high levels. Listen to your kids’ needs too. While giving each child their own room may not be initially possible, making this change later on helps older kids thrive.
Weighing Privacy vs. Bonding
One dilemma parents face is weighing the benefits of privacy when kids have their own rooms versus the closeness forced sharing can build. Some tips on balancing this:
– Aim for shared rooms when kids are younger and more flexible. Move to private pre-teen/teen years.
– If shared rooms, incorporate ample private spaces and alone time.
– Foster bonding through family activities and other quality time together. Don’t rely just on shared bedroom.
– When possible, provide other areas for privacy like playrooms, finished basements,etc.
– Consider alternating shared and private sleeping arrangements periodically if space permits.
The goal is meeting both needs – encouraging close siblings bonds yet respecting increasing desires for privacy as kids mature. With creativity and flexibility, parents can often achieve this balance.
Conclusion
Sharing a bedroom is a complex issue with compelling arguments on both sides. While shared rooms have some benefits like promoting relationship-building and life skills, lack of privacy and personal space in a shared room becomes problematic as kids grow older. Parents considering this decision should carefully weigh all factors through the lens of their family’s unique situation and needs. With intentional planning, room sharing can work, yet it may be healthiest to give kids their own rooms before the pre-teen years. Above all, openly discuss options with your children and prioritize their input – they often know best what environment helps them thrive.