Kissing is often seen as an important part of romantic relationships and courtship. For many couples, kissing is a way to express love, strengthen emotional intimacy, and keep the spark alive. But is kissing truly essential for a healthy relationship? Let’s examine some of the potential benefits and drawbacks of kissing in romantic relationships.
Why Do People Kiss?
Humans have been kissing for centuries, across countless cultures. Here are some of the main reasons people engage in kissing:
- Physical pleasure – Kissing triggers the release of hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. This can make it physiologically enjoyable.
- Emotional bonding – The act of kissing can increase feelings of attachment and affection through heightened intimacy.
- Courtship ritual – Kissing is often seen as a key part of dating, romance and gauging romantic interest.
- Expression of love – A kiss can be a symbolic gesture to communicate deep love and care for a partner.
- Sexual initiation – Many couples initiate sex through kissing. It helps increase arousal and desire.
- Exploration – Kissing someone new is a way to explore chemistry and compatibility.
- Greeting – Light kisses on the lips or cheeks are common greetings in some cultures.
These motivations help explain why kissing remains popular today. But the degree to which it’s important can vary by culture, age group and individual preferences.
Potential Benefits of Kissing
Here are some of the key evidence-based benefits that kissing may offer for romantic relationships:
Increases Bonding Hormones
Kissing has been shown to spike levels of hormones like oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine. These hormones play important roles in:
- Bonding and attachment
- Feelings of happiness
- Feelings of calmness
- Increase in trust
Having higher levels of these hormones can promote relationship satisfaction and intimacy.
Reduces Stress
The oxytocin released from kissing helps lower cortisol levels in the body. Cortisol is a hormone linked to stress. Lowering cortisol can promote relaxation and reduce anxiety in couples.
Boosts Self-Esteem
The affection and acceptance shown through kisses can make people feel more desirable. This may boost confidence and self-esteem between partners.
Enhances Sexual Connection
Kissing, petting and intimate touch are common steps leading to sexual activity. Kissing helps increase arousal, excitement and compatibility between partners.
Provides Comfort and Security
The physical closeness of kissing can be comforting. The validation received from a partner’s kisses may also enhance feelings of security in the relationship.
Facilitates Communication
Kissing can be a tender way to convey feelings of love, joy or gratitude. The sincerity of these messages is harder to doubt when delivered through a physical act like kissing.
Indicates Commitment
Once couples start kissing regularly, it often signifies that things are becoming more serious. The willingness to be intimate in this way shows care and commitment.
Improves Long-term Health
Remarkably, some studies have found people who kiss their partner more often enjoy benefits like:
- Lower cholesterol
- Lower stress
- Reduced risk of heart disease
This suggests kissing may indirectly help romantic partners live longer, healthier lives.
Potential Drawbacks of Kissing
Despite its benefits, kissing isn’t universally desirable or risk-free:
Risk of Infection
Kissing spreads germs through saliva contact, which means colds, strep throat, and viruses can pass between partners. Some more serious infections like mononucleosis (“mono”) and meningitis also spread through kissing.
Root of Jealousy
Seeing a partner kiss someone else often provokes acute feelings of jealousy. The intimacy of kissing tends to be reserved for exclusive partners.
Unwanted Advances
Attempting to kiss someone against their wishes is considered sexual harassment. Even in relationships, one partner may sometimes feel pressured to accept kisses.
Indicates Sexual Interest
Many people equate kissing with sexual intentions or chemistry. Relationships with no kissing may be seen as passionless.
Arouses Insecurity
A partner’s kissing skills or techniques may kindle insecurities. Bad kissing experiences can also damage self-esteem.
Triggers Past Trauma
Those with a history of sexual abuse may associate kissing with unwanted encounters. For some, kissing stirs up traumatic memories or emotions.
Distraction
While kissing strengthens bonds, excessive time spent kissing takes away from comunicating verbally. Talking is still vital for working through issues.
How Important Is Kissing for Couples?
Kissing clearly plays a role in many healthy relationships. However, its actual importance depends on the individuals involved. Here are some key considerations:
Compatibility Varies
Everyone has their own preferences around kissing. Some people need frequent passionate kissing to feel satisfied. For others, kissing is less crucial to the relationship. Compatibility matters more than norms.
Alternate Displays of Affection
If kissing isn’t natural or desirable, couples can show affection through cuddling, hugging, hand-holding, massage or verbal expressions of love. Mutual understanding is key.
Circumstantial Fluctuations
The importance partners place on kissing may fluxuate based on circumstances. New parents tend to kiss less while sleep deprived. Couples facing illness may not kiss during contagious phases. Priorities shift.
Cultural Differences
Kissing, especially in public, is frowned upon in some cultures. Relationship norms vary greatly across the world. If partners have different cultural backgrounds, compromises around physical intimacy may need to be made.
Consider Your Partner’s Needs
People have different kissing preferences. It’s important to communicate openly and respond sensitively when a partner initiates or declines kisses. Forcing kisses can damage trust.
Is It a Dealbreaker?
Occasional shortcomings around kissing typically aren’t dealbreakers for otherwise healthy relationships. However, for some people a minimal kissing life could be an insurmountable incompatibility.
Tips for a Better Kissing Relationship
Here are some simple tips to optimize the role of kissing in a romantic relationship:
- Discuss preferences openly to avoid guessing or getting hurt feelings over rejection.
- Remember kissing isn’t universally enjoyed or culturally appropriate for all.
- Watch for non-verbal cues as you initiate kisses.
- Keep kissing playful, relaxed and free of pressure.
- Take breath mints or brush teeth before swapping spit.
- Creatively engage all senses during kisses when possible.
- Alternate between short pecks and longer makeout sessions.
- Let kissing build up to intercourse rather than rushing into it.
- Balance your kissing with quality conversation.
- Surprise your partner with random affectionate kisses.
Making kissing fun while respecting boundaries is key. Talk to your partner to tailor things to your unique needs and style as a couple.
Conclusion
While kissing isn’t necessary for every healthy relationship, it offers a range of benefits for many couples. Kissing releases hormones that energize bonding, reduce stress, increase intimacy and improve long-term health. However, kissing also has potential downsides like spreading illness, triggering jealousy or surfacing insecurities.
The role of kissing varies by culture, individual preferences, circumstances and values. Partners should communicate their needs and boundaries around physical intimacy. With understanding, couples can thoughtfully shape the role of kissing in their unique relationship. While kissing does help reinforce connection, non-kissing couples can still foster closeness through quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts and physical touch like cuddling.