Is it rare being monogamous?

In today’s society, there is a perception that being in a monogamous relationship is increasingly uncommon. With divorce rates hovering around 50%, and concepts like polyamory, open relationships, and hookup culture becoming more visible, it can seem like fewer and fewer people are choosing to stay faithful to one partner. However, the statistics reveal a more complex picture of monogamy’s prevalence and the factors influencing people’s choices.

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How common is monogamy?

Despite the prevalent narrative that monogamy is dying, it remains the dominant model for romantic relationships. Surveys consistently find that the vast majority of people want and pursue monogamous commitments:

A 2020 Pew Research poll found that 93% of partnered Americans said they expected their relationship to be sexually exclusive.
A 2016 YouGov survey of adults in Western Europe and the United States found that between 84-94% desired a monogamous relationship.
A 2021 study analyzing a nationally representative CDC survey found that 91% of partnered men and 89% of partnered women reported only having one sexual partner in the past year.

So while high-profile non-monogamous arrangements make headlines, they are pursued by a small minority. The data shows that monogamy remains the norm that most people aspire to.

Is monogamy natural?

A common critique of monogamy is that it goes against human nature. After all, evolutionary psychologists argue we are wired for multiple mates as a reproductive strategy. However, anthropological research reveals that monogamy, far from being unnatural, has been common across many human societies:

An analysis of 228 historical human societies found that 83% allowed polygyny (one man with multiple female partners), but even in these societies, the majority of people tended to form monogamous pairs.

DNA analysis suggests around 83% of prehistoric human populations were monogamous rather than polygamous.
Cross-cultural studies show that in the majority of modern hunter-gatherer tribes, monogamy is the dominant structure, even in tribes allowing polygamy.

This evidence indicates that monogamy is not simply a modern social construct but has deep roots in human history as a common relationship template. While open to debate, this suggests monogamy comes naturally to most people rather than pushing against innate inclinations.

Does relationship length impact monogamy?

One might assume people are more likely to cheat or pursue open relationships as time passes and the spark fades. However, statistics indicate that those in longer-term relationships are actually more committed to monogamy:

One study tracking German couples over 15+ years found that while 35% had engaged in extra-dyadic sex in the first 5 years, this declined to around 11% after 15 years together.
A longitudinal study of American couples found that the likelihood of extra-marital sex peaked in the first year of marriage at 11% and steadily declined to 6% by the seventh year.

A meta-analysis of research on infidelity found that for each year a couple stayed together, the odds of one partner cheating decreased by 2%.

Rather than getting bored and straying, it appears partners in enduring relationships tend to reinforce their commitment and become less interested in others. Their bond outlasts the initial passion.

Do religious beliefs impact monogamy?

Since religions commonly advocate monogamy and condemn infidelity, it is logical to ask whether religious belief strengthens monogamous commitment. Research yields a complicated picture:

One study found minimal differences in infidelity by religious affiliation, with Protestants and Catholics having similar rates.
However, those attending religious services more frequently did report higher commitment to monogamy.
Another study found that while religious and non-religious people have similar rates of infidelity overall, the top predictor of monogamy among highly religious individuals was how literally they interpreted religious texts.

So religious belief alone does not guarantee monogamy. But it does seem those who attend services more often and take a stringent view of religious rules tend to be more monogamous, perhaps due to social monitoring and stronger internalization of faith principles.

Does gender impact attitudes on monogamy?

Stereotypes hold that men are more likely to cheat and less interested in monogamy than women. But researchers who directly studied this issue found minimal gender differences:

A 2018 poll found that 65% of men and 63% of women considered monogamy very important.

A large-scale study in the 1990s concluded that about 20-25% of men and women will cheat during a long-term relationship.
Data indicates men are just 6% more likely to remarry after a divorce, suggesting both genders often seek new monogamous bonds.

While variations in sexual drives may impact behavior, both genders report valuing emotional and sexual exclusivity at similar rates. Social scientists conclude that monogamous mindsets and behaviors show greater variation within genders than between them.

Do children impact monogamy?

It’s commonly thought that having children increases couples’ commitment to monogamy. But studies yield contradictory findings:

Some studies find no significant difference in infidelity rates based on parental status.
Yet other research found that actively parenting a child under 18 makes individuals less likely to engage in infidelity.

One study found that while parents are less permissive of infidelity in general, mothers specifically are more likely to cheat than childless women.

More research is needed to separate the effects of children from other relationship factors. But based on limited data, parenting does not guarantee monogamy. Some parents may feel more bonded and committed, while others struggle with a weakened romantic connection after children arrive.

Does income level impact monogamy rates?

Some portray monogamy as more common among lower income groups, while the wealthy can afford fancy divorces and multiple romantic partners. But research on income and infidelity finds:

Men in higher income brackets do report more sexual partners than those earning less.
However, actual infidelity rates within marriage do not differ significantly based on household income.
One study found financial dissatisfaction correlated more strongly with cheating than income level alone.

Taken together, these results suggest income does not dictate monogamous behavior – though the financial autonomy of wealth could facilitate access to more partners overall. Satisfaction with resources within relationships seems more relevant than dollar amounts.

Does education level impact monogamy rates?

Similar to income, conventional wisdom states that education level impacts monogamy:

Some studies have found positive correlations between years of education and rates of infidelity for both men and women.

However, a detailed US survey did not find any significant differences in cheating based on education.
Interestingly, one study found education correlated with willingness to tolerate a partner’s cheating, if not commit it oneself.

As with income, the data does not consistently uphold the stereotype of the unfaithful educated elite. More research isolating education from confounding factors is needed. But the evidence does not suggest formal schooling reliably predicts monogamous behavior.

Does personality influence monogamy?

While situational factors shape behavior, personality traits also impact relationship patterns. Research has linked certain traits to monogamy:

Higher conscientiousness correlates with decreased odds of infidelity for men and women by about 20-30%.
Higher honesty-humility in both partners decreases odds of infidelity in couples by 20-40%.

Lower levels of sensation-seeking and entitlement are also associated with higher monogamy rates.

Notably, these traits relate to impulse control, integrity, and focus on others’ needs. So evidence indicates personality differences do contribute to variation in monogamous tendencies, above and beyond demographics.

Conclusion

The prevalence of monogamy depends on complex interactions of situational, cultural, psychological and biological factors. While open relationships are increasingly visible, statistics show the vast majority continues valuing and practicing monogamy. Minor gender differences exist, but men and women both desire loyalty at similar high rates. Factors like relationship length, religious belief, and personality traits exert modest measurable influence on monogamous behavior – but all relationship models are represented across demographics. Ultimately, personal philosophies and needs are more predictive of monogamy than any single external variable. In a society that enables multiple approaches, monogamy remains the common but flexible path that most couples continue to forge together.