Ending a friendship can be difficult, especially when it’s with someone who has become toxic. While ghosting may seem like an easy way to cut ties, there are some important considerations to keep in mind.
What does it mean to “ghost” someone?
Ghosting is when you abruptly end communication with someone without any explanation. This usually happens by stopping responses to texts, calls, social media connections and in-person interactions. Essentially, you disappear from their life without notice.
When is ghosting justified?
There are some situations where ghosting could be warranted:
- If the person was abusive or toxic in the relationship
- If you’ve clearly stated your need for distance and they won’t respect it
- If you feel informing them would provoke harassment or unsafe retaliation
- If the relationship was very casual or short-term
So in situations involving emotional abuse, boundary violations, stalking behavior, and casual acquaintances, ghosting may be justified for self-protection.
Why ghosting a toxic friend can be hurtful
While removing yourself from a toxic relationship is often necessary, ghosting can still impact someone negatively:
- It can leave them feeling confused, hurt and rejected without closure
- They may not understand why the friendship ended abruptly
- It prevents open communication about issues in the relationship
- The lack of explanation could prolong recovery for both parties
Essentially, ghosting a toxic friend suddenly ends the relationship on your terms only. The other person likely still cared about the friendship and will be left with unanswered questions.
Healthier alternatives to ghosting
If you feel safe doing so, consider alternatives that allow for open communication:
- Directly but compassionately explain your need for distance. This gives them context and lets them retain dignity.
- Set boundaries if some contact will continue. Be clear about what type of interactions you want moving forward.
- Get support from other friends so you don’t feel alone if the toxic person lashes out.
- Write a letter explaining your thoughts if you cannot have a discussion. This at least provides explanation.
Direct communication allows the opportunity for closure, apologies if needed, and mutual understanding. It can help both parties heal.
When is ghosting the only option?
In some cases, ghosting truly may be the safest choice:
- If you would be in physical or emotional danger from retaliation
- If you have previously set boundaries that are ignored
- If the relationship was abusive and contact would allow further abuse
- If you have no mutual connections, and the relationship was very casual
If direct communication has failed or is impossible, ghosting may be the only way to end contact with the toxic person. Your safety and well-being should take priority.
How to know if ghosting is the right choice
Consider the following questions to evaluate if ghosting is justified:
| Questions to Ask | Ghosting May be Appropriate | Ghosting May be Excessive |
|---|---|---|
| Was the relationship abusive or toxic for you? | Yes | No |
| Do you feel you would be in emotional or physical danger if you communicated? | Yes | No |
| Have you already directly stated your need for distance or boundaries? | Yes | No |
| Would a mutual friend be willing to mediate a conversation? | No | Yes |
If you answered mostly yes, ghosting may be your best option. If you answered mostly no, try having an open conversation first.
Effects of ghosting on you
It’s important to consider how ghosting someone will impact you afterwards:
- You may feel guilty over not providing closure
- Second-guessing if you made the right call
- Missing some aspects of the friendship that were positive
- Feeling like you never addressed issues hurting you
Make sure you process through your own emotions. Seek support from other friends who understand.
Coping with being ghosted
If you are on the receiving end of ghosting, here are some tips:
- Resist the temptation to reach out constantly. It will likely be ignored.
- Distract yourself with other friends and stay busy.
- Don’t blame yourself. Their choice says more about them.
- Focus on relationships that make you feel fulfilled.
- If needed, seek counseling to process the emotional impact.
Allow yourself to feel sadness and disappointment. But don’t dwell on someone unwilling to offer you explanations or closure.
Conclusion
Ghosting will almost always cause some harm, even when justified. If possible, have an honest conversation or find a mediator. But if you feel contacting the toxic person risks your health or safety in any way, ghosting may be the right path. Focus on self-care and lean on true supporters as you process the emotions. Eliminating toxicity is essential, so have faith you will be happier without their presence.