It’s completely normal and healthy for kids to develop crushes, even from a young age. Crushes are a natural part of growing up and learning how to form relationships. While every child matures emotionally at their own pace, here’s a look at what to expect with crushes at different ages and how to handle them as a parent.
What age do crushes start?
Crushes often begin in early childhood. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), kids as young as 3 years old can experience feelings of attraction and develop crushes on friends, TV characters, or other children they know. These early crushes are a way for kids to explore feelings of liking someone.
In a survey published in the Journal of Adolescence, researchers found the average age for a first crush is 6 years old. However, crushes become more common and mature around age 10. As children approach adolescence, crushes start involving shy glances, butterflies, and awkward interactions with the object of affection.
Why do kids get crushes?
There are a few reasons why crushes emerge at a young age:
- It’s practice for future relationships. Crushes allow kids to discover what it feels like to like someone in a romantic way. These early experiences help kids learn how to have compassion for others and form healthy relationships down the road.
- It’s a sign of social-emotional growth. Developing a crush signals that a child is starting to notice differences between boys and girls. They’re also becoming more aware of their own gender identity.
- Children learn by modeling. Kids often mimic and pretend play the relationship examples they see around them, whether it’s parents, older siblings, teachers, TV shows, or storybook characters.
Signs of a childhood crush
Wondering if your child has a crush? Below are some common signs:
- Talking frequently about the person they have a crush on
- Getting shy, quiet, extra giggly, or blushing around their crush
- Trying to spend more time with or sit next to their crush
- Dressing up or acting differently around their crush
- Saying they “like” someone or that someone is their “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”
- Writing the person’s name with hearts around it
- Wanting to play games like “House” or “Wedding” with their crush
- Asking lots of questions about crushes or relationships
How should parents respond to a crush?
When your child develops a crush, how should you respond? Experts advise:
- Stay calm. Don’t overreact or dismiss it as “puppy love.” For kids, these feelings are very real.
- Let them share. Ask open-ended questions to learn how your child feels and what they like about their crush.
- Set boundaries. If needed, gently explain that crushes are normal but remind them about respecting personal space.
- Don’t allow teasing. Let siblings and relatives know not to poke fun at your child’s crush.
- Emphasize getting to know the person. Shift the focus away from “dating” and toward friendship.
- Avoid imposing gender roles or sexuality. Refrain from statements like “she’ll be your girlfriend” or “when you get married.”
With an open, shame-free environment, your child will feel comfortable coming to you about crushes and you can have age-appropriate discussions about healthy relationships.
How to handle crush-related behavior issues
While crushes are developmentally normal, they might sometimes lead to problematic behaviors like:
- Stalking, harassment, or bothering the person they have a crush on
- Getting distracted in school while daydreaming about their crush
- Lying to spend more time with or impress their crush
- Excluding other children because of jealousy over who interacts with the crush
If you notice any of these behaviors, have a gentle talk establishing rules like giving people personal space and being kind to everyone. Explain the importance of respect and make sure your child knows crushes should not prevent friendships.
When do crushes become concerning?
Most childhood crushes are harmless. However, consult your pediatrician if you notice any of the following:
- Your child seems obsessed with their crush, can’t stop thinking or talking about them, and it affects daily activities
- Crushes remain extremely intense or physical beyond the typical age (mature crushes around age 10)
- Your child tries to keep their crush a secret because of fears of disapproval
- Crushes continue to change very frequently from one person to the next
These behaviors may require professional guidance to understand the cause and help your child develop age-appropriate social skills.
Tips for handling your child’s crush
When your son or daughter inevitably gets a crush, keep these tips in mind:
- Remain calm and allow them to share freely without judgement
- Don’t assign sexuality or gender roles to the crush
- Focus on friendship more than romance
- Set kind behavior expectations around the crush
- Avoid blown-up reactions that could embarrass your child
- Manage crush distraction if affecting schoolwork
- Watch for warning signs like secrecy, stalking, or obsession
- Create an open environment so your child feels comfortable coming to you
Frequently asked questions about kids and crushes
Is it normal for a 5 year old to have a crush?
Yes, it is completely developmentally normal and expected for 5 year olds to start developing crushes. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, preschool-aged children begin noticing attraction toward specific friends. These early crushes allow kids to explore and learn about liking someone in a low-stress way.
What do you do when your preschooler has a crush?
When a preschooler has a crush, experts advise letting them share freely about their feelings without overreacting. Gently remind them about being kind to the person they have a crush on. Try shifting the focus away from romance and toward friendship. And avoid phrases that assign gender roles or sexuality too early.
How long do crushes last in elementary school?
In elementary school, crushes often come and go quickly. Children this age tend to change crushes frequently. According to one survey, elementary schoolers report having 5 crushes per school year. The less mature and romantic a crush is, the shorter it tends to last. These fleeting crushes allow kids to explore having feelings for someone without attachment.
What happens if you tell your crush you like them in 5th grade?
Revealing a crush in 5th grade can go a few different ways. Some possibilities include:
- They say they don’t feel the same way. This might bruise your child’s ego but is a valuable learning experience in dealing with rejection.
- They admit to also having a crush. This can lead to an innocent “relationship” that allows both kids to practice communicating.
- They react negatively by making fun. Explain to your child this is bullying and alert the school immediately.
Before telling a crush, make sure your child understands any reaction is possible. The focus should be on bravery in expressing feelings, not the reaction.
How do you know if your 11 year old has a crush?
There are many signs your 11 year old may have a crush:
- Talking about the person frequently
- Wanting to spend more time with them
- Paying more attention to appearance around them
- Saying they “like” someone or that the person is their “boyfriend/girlfriend”
- Smiling, blushing, giggling nervously around them
- Staring across the classroom at them
Around age 11, crushes start becoming more mature. Kids may try harder to spend time with the person or become shy when interacting.
What do you do when your middle schooler has a crush?
If your middle schooler develops a crush, experts recommend:
- Remaining calm and allowing them to share feelings without judgement
- Listening with curiosity about what they like about the person
- Discussing respect, consent, and kindness
- Avoiding assumptions about sexuality
- Focusing more on friendship than romance
- Watching for concerning behaviors like secrecy or obsession
With an open environment, your child will feel comfortable coming to you for guidance navigating social relationships.
Is it normal for a 14 year old boy to have crushes?
Yes, it is perfectly normal and healthy for 14 year old boys to have crushes. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, intense crushes and puppy love emerge around age 10 and become very common through adolescence. These crushes allow teens to discover attraction, romance, and close interpersonal relationships.
How do you know if your teenager has a crush?
Signs your teenager may have a crush include:
- Talking or texting frequently with someone new
- Wanting privacy when texting or using social media
- Sharing less about their social life with you
- Putting extra effort into appearance
- Blushing, smiling, laughing a lot around someone
- Getting nervous or quiet around someone
- Wanting to spend time alone with someone
As crushes become more romantic in nature, teens often become secretive. Creating an shame-free zone allows them to open up.
What do you do if your 15 year old has a crush on a celebrity?
Celebrity crushes are common during adolescence. To handle it:
- Allow them to share feelings without judgement
- Explain the crush is likely surface-level and one-sided
- Suggest focusing energy on real-life friendships
- Watch for signs it’s interfering with school, sleep, or activities
- Set limits around spending if they want merchandise related to the celebrity
- Make sure they understand celebrities often portray unrealistic images
With a celebrity crush, the key is keeping perspective that this person is unattainable and fantasy-based.
The bottom line
Crushes are a normal, healthy part of growing up. They begin as early as preschool, become more common around 5-10 years old, and peak during adolescence. While every child matures at their own pace, most follow this general timeline. As a parent, you can foster positive development by allowing crushes without judgement, focusing on friendship over romance, and watching for concerning behavior issues.
With an open environment where they feel safe coming to you, you can help guide your child through the excitement and awkwardness of having a first crush!