It’s very common to constantly think about someone you have strong feelings for. When you like or are infatuated with someone, your brain releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin when you’re around that person. Those chemicals can make you focus intently on the object of your affection.
Why you can’t stop thinking about your crush
There are several reasons why it’s normal to constantly think about someone you like or have a crush on:
- You’re infatuated – Infatuation triggers your brain’s reward system and floods it with chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and serotonin. This makes you obsess over the person.
- You idealize them – You tend to focus only on their positive traits and ignore any flaws. This makes them seem perfect in your eyes.
- You want to be near them – Having a crush triggers a craving for emotional and physical closeness with the person. This makes you think about being with them.
- You’re anxious – The uncertainty of whether your feelings are reciprocated can cause anxiety. You obsess over your interactions.
- You’re addicted to love – Thinking about the person gives you a mood boost. Like with any addiction, you crave more once the initial high fades.
In the early stages of attraction, it’s very normal to be completely preoccupied with the object of your affection. You tend to romanticize your feelings and interactions in your head.
Signs you’re obsessed over your crush
You’ve crossed the line from a normal crush to obsession if:
- You think about them for hours each day
- You constantly check their social media
- You abandon other interests
- Your mood depends on their actions
- You feel depressed when apart from them
- You neglect other relationships
- You have unrealistic expectations of them
If your fixation on your crush is so intense it disrupts your daily life, it may be becoming unhealthy.
How to know if your obsession is normal
To figure out if your constant thoughts about your crush are normal or not, ask yourself:
- Are my other relationships and interests still intact?
- Am I respecting their boundaries and privacy?
- Do I have reasonable expectations for the relationship?
- Do I feel motivated and optimistic about life overall?
- Can I function normally on a day-to-day basis?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, your fixation is likely just a normal part of liking someone. But if the obsession is causing dysfunction in your life, it may be time to pull back emotionally.
How to stop obsessive thoughts about your crush
Here are some tips to gain perspective and reduce unhealthy fixation on a crush:
- Distance yourself – Limit interactions and communication to give your mind a rest.
- Avoid checking on them – Resist the temptation to constantly check their social media.
- Stay busy – Fill your time with hobbies, friends, and responsibilities.
- Meet new people – Going on dates with new people can put things in perspective.
- Write your thoughts – Journalling helps process your feelings productively.
- Focus on self-care – Make sure you’re not neglecting sleep, diet, exercise, and hygiene.
- Consider counseling – If efforts to redirect your focus don’t work, a therapist can help.
When to seek professional help
See a mental health professional if your fixation on a crush:
- Causes significant distress and dysfunction
- Disrupts your work or school life for weeks
- Harms your relationships with friends and family
- Prevents you from taking care of responsibilities
- Causes you to neglect self-care
- Involves dangerous or illegal behavior
- Doesn’t get better over time despite your efforts
A licensed counselor can work with you to address the underlying causes of unhealthy attachment and obsessive thinking patterns.
Tips to break the obsession
Here are some additional tips to help break the grip of an unhealthy crush obsession:
| Tips | How it helps |
|---|---|
| Delete old messages and photos | Removes triggers and reminds you it’s time to move forward |
| Avoid alcohol and drugs | They reduce self-control and make you fixate more |
| Pick up old hobbies again | redirects your mental focus to something healthy you enjoy |
| Make new friends | Broadens your social circle beyond just that person |
| Start a gratitude journal | Counteracts negative thinking patterns |
| Go on a social media/texting detox | Lets you break psychological ties and obsessive checking habits |
Conclusion
It’s perfectly normal to think about someone you really like frequently, especially in the early stages of a crush. But if your fixation starts impeding your ability to function and enjoy life, it may be time to create some distance. With time, self-care strategies, and maybe counseling, an unhealthy attachment can be overcome. Eventually you’ll be able to look back with perspective and pursue healthier relationships.