The Catholic Church teaches that sexual relations belong only within marriage between a man and a woman. Living together and having sexual relations before marriage is considered the sin of fornication. However, there are some gray areas when it comes to cohabitation before marriage. This article will examine the Catholic Church’s teachings on premarital cohabitation and whether it is considered a mortal sin.
What is Cohabitation?
Cohabitation refers to an unmarried couple living together in an intimate, long-term relationship. They share a household and a life together without being married. Cohabitation has become much more common in recent decades. According to the Pew Research Center, the number of unmarried couples living together in the United States increased almost 30-fold between 1960 and 2011. Today, most couples live together before getting married.
Why Do Couples Cohabit?
There are several reasons why couples choose to cohabit rather than get married right away:
- To test compatibility and the relationship before committing to marriage
- More financial independence and flexibility than marriage
- Avoid the legal complexities of marriage and divorce
- Delay marriage until they reach educational, financial, or career goals
- Spend more time together than dating but aren’t ready for marriage
- Live together easily without the time or expense of a wedding
- Companionship and shared experiences
For many couples, cohabitation is seen as a natural stepping stone toward marriage when they feel the timing is right. However, some couples cohabit long-term and have no plans to get married.
What is the Catholic Teaching on Cohabitation?
The Catholic Church teaches that any sexual relationship belongs only within marriage. Sex outside of marriage is considered the sin of fornication. Living together and sharing a sexual relationship before marriage is believed to go against God’s plan for marriage.
Here are some key points on the Church’s view of cohabitation:
- Cohabitation is considered morally wrong and a serious sin against chastity.
- Marriage is the only appropriate place for intimate sexual relations.
- Cohabitation can harm the dignity and future marriages of the couple.
- Cohabitation is a near occasion of sin as sexual temptation increases.
- The Church cautions against scandal caused by living together unmarried.
- Despite its warnings, the Church does not condemn or abandon those who cohabit but rather encourages marriage.
The Catholic belief is that marriage is a sacred covenant and lifelong commitment before God. Cohabitation undermines the meaning, purpose, and sanctity of marriage. The Church calls for couples to honor God’s plan for intimacy and marriage.
Is Cohabitation Considered a Mortal Sin?
The Church makes a distinction between mortal and venial sins. A mortal sin is a very serious act done with full knowledge and deliberate consent. It breaks communion with God and threatens the eternal soul unless repentance occurs through Confession. Venial sins are less serious and do not deprive the soul of sanctifying grace.
Cohabitation itself is not automatically considered a mortal sin. However, sexual relations between an unmarried cohabiting couple are believed to be a mortal sin. Here are criteria for mortal sin from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
- It concerns grave matter (fornication is grave matter according to the Church).
- It is committed with full knowledge of its sinfulness.
- It is done with deliberate and complete consent.
If a cohabiting couple fulfills these three conditions, the Church considers their sexual activity to be mortally sinful. They would need to confess this in the Sacrament of Reconciliation before receiving Communion.
However, other factors may mitigate culpability for mortal sin:
- Limited knowledge or understanding of Church teaching on premarital relations
- Inability to separate for serious reasons (financial, children, etc.)
- Pressures from society or culture to cohabit as the norm
- Gradual transition into cohabitation without intending immorality
These factors do not make cohabitation right but may reduce personal guilt. A priest would guide each person through evaluating their situation during Confession.
What If the Couple Has No Sexual Relations?
Some cohabiting couples abstain from having sexual relations before getting married. Perhaps they are following Church teaching against premarital intimacy. Or there may be other reasons like waiting until the wedding night or personal beliefs.
In this case, the Church does not consider their situation to be mortally sinful. They have avoided the grave matter of sexual intimacy outside of marriage. However, there could still be potential dangers in cohabitation for the couple. Close proximity provides constant temptation to become physically intimate. And living together can still give public scandal to others regarding their presumed sexual activity.
The priest and couple would discern prudently about causes for abstaining and any implications from cohabitation. But the absence of sexual relations would not be a mortal sin.
What About Non-Catholics Cohabiting?
Many couples today cohabit without any awareness of Catholic teachings on marriage and intimacy. They likely do not see it as sinful but rather a normal part of relationships and marriage preparation.
For non-Catholics, the Church believes they cannot sin mortally unless they know their actions violate Catholicism. Those unaware of Catholic beliefs on premarital relations are not committing mortal sin through their cohabitation, even with sexual intimacy.
However, the Church would ideally hope to inform all couples on God’s plan for marriage. And it emphasizes marriage as the appropriate context for sexual relations and having children.
How Does the Church Treat Cohabiting Couples?
While clearly opposed to unmarried couples living together intimately, the Church aims to treat them pastorally with care and sensitivity. Even though it will not celebrate a marriage between cohabiting couples, they are encouraged to separate or practice continence before the wedding.
Here are some examples of the Church’s pastoral care for those cohabiting:
- Avoid overt condemnation but explain Church teaching on marriage.
- Urge frequent Confession and discernment about their situation.
- Encourage participation in parish life and ministries if possible.
- Offer pastoral counseling to cease sexual relations or live separately.
- Validly marry them if they are committed and properly prepared.
- Help them raise children in the Catholic faith if open to it.
The Church does not want to push cohabiting couples further away or refuse them the sacraments. Rather it hopes patient counseling will lead them toward marriage and living according to Church teachings.
Advice For Couples Considering Cohabitation
Couples hoping to follow Church guidance should avoid moving in together if not yet married. However, those who have already begun cohabitating are encouraged to speak with their parish priest. He can offer advice about conforming to Catholic beliefs through marriage preparation or separating while preparing for marriage.
Here are some general suggestions for couples discerning cohabitation:
- Pray and reflect on God’s plan for relationships and intimacy.
- Discuss each other’s moral beliefs and expectations about cohabitation.
- Be open with friends/family who share concerns about living together unwed.
- Seek wise counsel from older married couples or clergy you trust.
- Set clear boundaries if living together for appropriate reasons.
- Commit fully to chastity until marriage by avoiding near occasions of sin.
- Make plans to validate your union in marriage as soon as feasible.
Each couple must prudently judge if their situation can conform to Catholic values or if abstinence and patience are required. Regular Confession, spiritual direction, and proper marriage preparation are key.
Pastoral Exceptions
The Church emphasizes avoiding cohabitation because of its inherent intimacy and scandal. However, some exceptional circumstances may occur that require pastoral care and sensitivity:
- Couple is seriously committed but delayed marriage plans due to external difficulties.
- They have children together that need care and stability.
- Lack of money makes maintaining separate households extremely difficult.
- There are serious medical conditions or responsibilities to assist family.
- They are respectably reserved about their living situation and sexual continence.
- Marriage preparation indicates a likely valid Catholic marriage.
In these limited cases, some latitude may be prudent if the pastor determines the couple is making sincere efforts to live chastely and validate their union. Whenever possible, separating would still be encouraged.
Conclusion
The Catholic Church promotes reserving sexual intimacy only for marriage and objects to most cases of cohabitation before marriage. It is considered harmful and counter to a proper understanding of God’s will for human relationships and the dignity of marriage. Cohabitation and especially sexual relations outside marriage are believed to be seriously sinful.
However, the Church approaches this complex issue pastorally. It seeks to guide couples gently yet truthfully toward marriage and virtue. Through counseling, confession, prayer, and adjustment of irregular situations, the Church hopes all couples will embrace the grace of the sacrament of marriage. But it will treat those who cohabit with patience and compassion.
While avoiding promoting or approving cohabitation, priests and laity are to meet couples where they are. Prudent pastoral care should discern each situation and encourage proper formation of conscience. The Church balances championing its beliefs on intimacy and marriage with understanding for human weakness and graduality in spiritual growth.