Cuddling, sometimes referred to as non-sexual intimacy, is a common practice for couples in romantic relationships. It involves holding each other close, often while laying down, and can include hugging, holding hands, and light kissing. For many couples, cuddling is an important way to build emotional intimacy and feel cared for by their partner. However, some question whether cuddling before marriage is permissible or if it should be reserved for marriage. This article will examine different perspectives on cuddling before marriage and analyze whether or not it can be considered a sin according to biblical principles.
What Does the Bible Say About Premarital Intimacy?
The Bible does not directly address cuddling before marriage. However, it provides principles regarding sexual purity that can help guide Christians in this area. Here are some relevant biblical passages:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
This verse encourages sexual purity and honoring God with our bodies. It admonishes believers to flee from sexual immorality.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
Again, this passage points to the importance of controlling our bodies and avoiding lust and sexual immorality.
2 Timothy 2:22
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
This verse instructs believers to flee from youthful passions and pursue purity.
Different Christian Perspectives on Cuddling Before Marriage
Within Christianity, there are differing views on cuddling before marriage:
It is a sin
Some Christians believe any intentional arousal or touching of intimate areas before marriage constitutes sexual immorality. Under this view, cuddling should be avoided because it stimulates feelings and desires reserved for marriage. Even with good intentions, cuddling can awaken passions that cloud judgment and make it difficult to remain sexually pure.
It depends on the intention and your self-control
Other Christians believe modest forms of cuddling can be acceptable if done with pure intentions and self-control. As long as it does not arouse lust or lead a couple into sexual temptation, cuddling can potentially express affection and build emotional intimacy. However, couples should set careful boundaries and stop if it begins to feel sexually stimulating.
It is permissible within certain boundaries
Some believe cuddling is acceptable as long as it does not go beyond certain limits, such as direct sexual stimulation or contact with private parts. Things like hugging, holding hands, and light kissing are seen as modest displays of affection appropriate for dating couples. However, discernment is needed around what might be going too far physically or becoming a stumbling block.
Questions to Consider Around Cuddling
As a Christian determining your stance on premarital cuddling, here are some questions to ask yourself:
What is your motivation?
Cuddling should come from a pure desire to build emotional intimacy, not a selfish wish to arouse lust or romantic passion. Examine your heart and make sure your reasons align with Christian values.
Could it lead you into sexual temptation?
Honestly evaluate if cuddling would make it more difficult for you to remain sexually pure. If it opens the door to sexual immorality, it is best avoided.
Does it honor God with your body?
Ask if cuddling reflects the call in 1 Corinthians 6 to glorify God with your body. Is it consistent with living as a temple of the Holy Spirit?
Does your conscience condemn it or feel at peace?
Listen to the voice of your conscience as you seek God’s wisdom in Scripture. If your spirit is uneasy, it may be best to avoid cuddling. “Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23).
Could it cause your partner to stumble?
Be sensitive that even permissible things may not be beneficial if they cause struggles for the other person. “It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble” (Romans 14:21).
Principles for Making a Godly Decision
As you evaluate your stance, keep these biblical principles in mind:
Flee sexual immorality
Passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18 clearly instruct Christians to run from sexual sin. Cuddling is unwise if it stirs up lust.
Exercise self-control over your body
Verses like 1 Thessalonians 4:4 emphasize controlling your body in purity. Avoid situations that could overwhelm your self-discipline.
Maintain a clear conscience
Do not go against your conscience, as this can defile your faith (Titus 1:15). Have an honest talk with God about what feels right for your relationship.
Focus on God’s kingdom and righteousness
As Matthew 6:33 states, make God’s eternal priorities your focus. Ask Him to guide your physical intimacy according to His perfect will.
Alternative Ways to Build Intimacy
For couples wishing to avoid cuddling, there are many other excellent ways to build emotional intimacy in a godly relationship:
Have meaningful conversations
Openly sharing your hearts, dreams and vulnerabilities will foster closeness and understanding.
Pray together
Inviting God into your relationship and praying for each other draws you closer spiritually.
Read the Bible together
Studying Scripture mutually encourages spiritual growth as a couple.
Serve others as a team
Partnering in service develops cooperation and shared experiences.
Write love letters
Expressing affection and appreciation through thoughtful notes nurtures intimacy.
Develop common interests
Bonding through hobbies, sports or other activities creates friendship.
Attend counseling or marriage seminars
Learning relationship skills together promotes teamwork and understanding.
Setting Healthy Physical Boundaries
To keep intimacy moving in a godly direction, couples should discuss and agree on what forms of affection they will allow and what areas are off limits. Some boundaries to consider include:
Avoid laying on top of one another
Straddling or laying closely in a prone position can arouse sexual feelings. Sitting upright or side-by-side are safer.
No touching of private areas
Clearly agree that hands must avoid thighs, buttocks, chest and genital areas. Fully clothed hugs are ideal.
Limit kissing duration and intensity
Quick pecks are preferable over passionate French kissing which may stimulate arousal.
No removal of clothing
Keep all clothes on to maintain modesty and help prevent temptation.
Heads only on shoulders
Having your partner’s head on your chest area can be stimulating, so stick to shoulder resting.
Hands must be visible
If you hold each other, keep hands over clothing and in visible locations to maintain accountability.
Conclusion
The Bible does not directly address cuddling before marriage, but calls Christians to pursue sexual purity in their relationships. Some believe all cuddling is sinful, while others think modest forms may be permissible within certain boundaries. Couples should earnestly seek the Lord’s wisdom regarding their physical intimacy. If they choose to cuddle, they must prioritize self-control, pure motives, and respecting their partner’s conscience. Far greater intimacy comes through building spiritual and emotional closeness based on godly values. By keeping Christ at the center and holding each other accountable, couples can nurture true oneness.