Is a controlling person a psychopath?

What is a controlling person?

A controlling person is someone who tries to dictate and manipulate other people’s behaviors and actions. They have an excessive need for power and control over others. Some key signs of a controlling person include:

• They make the majority of decisions in a relationship without input from their partner
• They isolate their partner from friends and family
• They demand to know where their partner is and who they are with at all times
• They prevent their partner from working or pursuing outside interests
• They forbid their partner to spend time alone or have privacy
• They repeatedly accuse their partner of infidelity
• They monitor their partner’s phone calls, emails, social media, etc.
• They threaten their partner with violence or other repercussions if they don’t comply
• They gaslight their partner into thinking they’re imagining the controlling behavior

Controlling people often experience insecurity, jealousy, and a pathological need to dominate their partner. Their behavior typically stems from low self-esteem, attachment issues, or prior trauma. However, this does not excuse their harmful actions.

What is a psychopath?

A psychopath is someone who has an antisocial personality disorder and demonstrates a lack of empathy, remorse, and regard for others. Key traits of a psychopath include:

• Pathological lying and manipulation
• Shallow emotions and lack of empathy
• Impulsiveness and recklessness
• Irresponsibility and antisocial behavior
• Poor behavioral controls
• Superficial charm and intelligence
• Over-inflated sense of self
• Inability to form genuine relationships
• Repeated criminal and unethical acts
• No remorse for harming others

Psychopathy is believed to have strong genetic and biological risk factors. However, environmental influences like childhood trauma can also play a role. Psychopaths make up an estimated 1% of the general population. They are more common in prisons, at 3-25% of inmates.

Differences between a controlling person and a psychopath

While controlling people and psychopaths share some similar behaviors, there are important distinctions:

Controlling Person	Psychopath
Desire for power/control stems from insecurity, jealousy, attachment issues	Desire for power/control is rooted in lack of empathy, regard for others
Capable of feeling empathy, guilt, and remorse	Incapable of feeling true empathy, guilt, remorse
May have some genuine care for partner, despite harmful behavior	Inability to genuinely care about romantic partners
Controlling behavior situational and focused on romantic partners	Antisocial behavior is pervasive across many settings/relationships
Does not necessary engage in criminal acts	Higher incidence of repeated criminal and unethical acts
Capable of change with counseling and self-work	Personality disorder makes change very difficult

As shown, controlling people have the capacity for empathy, guilt, and change – traits that are absent in genuine psychopaths. While controlling actions are unacceptable, the behavior arises from deeper emotional issues that can potentially be resolved. Psychopathy denotes fundamental personality deficits.

Can a controlling person be a psychopath?

It is possible, but unlikely, that a controlling romantic partner would meet the full criteria for psychopathy. Some key considerations:

– Psychopaths are not able to form genuine attachments and emotional bonds. A psychopath would be unlikely to pursue an invested romantic relationship.

– While inability to feel empathy can contribute to controlling behaviors, most controlling people do not exhibit the full cluster of psychopathic traits.

– Controlling partners can feel badly about their actions at times and be motivated to change. A true psychopath is incapable of remorse and change.

– Psychopathy is rare in the general population. An estimated 1% meet the diagnosis. Controlling romantic partners are unfortunately more common.

– Some controlling people may possess a few psychopathic traits, such as superficial charm, pathological lying, or poor impulse control. But a clinical diagnosis of psychopathy would require exhibited deficits across multiple domains.

When controlling behavior is considered emotional abuse

Controlling behaviors in a romantic relationship become emotional abuse when they form an ongoing pattern of power and control through manipulation, threats, and domination:

• Isolating partner from family/friends
• Restricting partner’s access to finances
• Making all major decisions unilaterally
• Stalking/excessive monitoring of partner’s whereabouts
• Repeated shaming, blaming, or humiliating
• Intimidation through threats of violence or retaliation
• Micromanaging partner’sappearance/behavior
• Gaslighting partner into doubting their own sanity

This kind of abusive control systematically destroys a partner’s freedom and self-worth. It creates a climate of fear that can trap victims in the relationship.

Some key statistics on controlling behavior as emotional abuse:

• Approximately 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the U.S. (NCADV)
• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. (CDC)
• 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking victimization where they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close would be harmed or killed (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center)
• 10 million people per year are physically abused by an intimate partner. That’s nearly 20 people per minute (NCADV)
• 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year. 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to the violence (Child Welfare Information Gateway)

These sobering statistics highlight the widespread harm caused by controlling and abusive behaviors in intimate partnerships. This is a major public health concern.

Signs your partner may be crossing the line into abuse

It can be difficult to identify when a controlling partner’s behaviors have escalated into emotional abuse. Here are some warning signs:

• They force you to disclose passwords to personal accounts and constantly monitor your communications
• They controlaccess to basic necessities like food, clothing, medications, or transportation
• They isolate you from family and friends or prevent you from working or attending school
• Theythreaten to harm you, yourchildren, family, or pets if you don’t comply with demands
• They shame, insult, belittle, or humiliate you privately or publicly
• They gaslight you and accuse you of being “too sensitive” or imagining abuse
• They physically intimidate you through threats of violence or destruction of property
• They control finances and force you to account for every penny spent
• They blame all arguments and problems on you while taking no personal responsibility
• They use anger, threats, or intimidation to obtain obedience or appeasement

You may feel like “walking on eggshells” to avoidprovoking an outburst from your controlling partner. This is not a healthy dynamic.

Getting help

If you believe your partner’s controlling behaviors have crossed into abuse, it is important to reach out for help and support. Some options to consider:

• Hotlines: Call confidential hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love Is Respect to speak with advocates.
• Support groups: Join a support group to connect with abuse survivors and learn about strategies for safety.
• Therapy: Work with a therapist who specializes in domestic violence to process trauma and build self-worth.
• Legal help: Contact an attorney, legal aid clinic, or the DA’s office for assistance with protective orders.
• Shelters: Contact local shelters for emergency housing, counseling, childcare, and other services.
• Law enforcement: Report physical abuse, stalking, or fear of bodily harm to the police.
• Friends/family: Reach out to trusted friends or relatives who can provide support and a safe place to stay if needed.

You have the right to feel safe, respected, and free. There are people ready to help, but overcoming abuse starts with acknowledging it. Be brave and take that first step.

Helping a controlling person change

It is difficult for a controlling person to change their abusive patterns without intensive counseling and accountability measures. Some key steps that may help:

• They must fully acknowledge the harm caused by their controlling behavior and show real remorse.
• They likely need professional help from a domestic violence program or specialist therapist.
• They should identify and work to resolve insecurities driving the excessive need for power/control.
• They need to replace control and anger with respect, empathy, trust, and support in relating to their partner.
• There must be firm boundaries and consequences for any continued controlling behaviors.
• Their partner should be empowered to make their own life decisions and have independence.
• They need to demonstrate long-term change over time – not just short-term fixes.

For a sincere transformation, the controlling person has to take full accountability and do the hard personal work to change. They need to exhibit unwavering commitment to respecting their partner as an equal. Promises mean little without consistent actions to prove they have changed.

Healing from the trauma of an abusive relationship

The process of recovering from controlling relationship abuse can be challenging:

• Acknowledge you were not at fault for the abuse and you did not deserve mistreatment.
• Surround yourself with a strong support system who affirms your worth.
• Consider working with a trauma specialist to process and release pain.
• Learn to set strong personal boundaries and recognize red flags of control.
• Separate your identity and self-esteem from the abuser’s narratives about you.
• Practice self-care – get rest, nutritious food, physical activity.
• Join a support group to connect with fellow survivors.
• Consider journaling, art therapy, yoga, or meditation to foster healing.
• Focus on rediscovering your passions, dreams, and personal power.

The trauma imprints of abuse can linger, even after escaping the relationship. Be patient and protective with yourself. You deserve to feel peace, joy, and freedom again.

Conclusion

Controlling romantic partners are driven by profound insecurities and desires for disproportionate power in relationships. While psychopaths possess some parallel traits, such as a need for control, they do not form the same emotional attachments and are incapable of empathy, remorse, or change. A controlling partner may exhibit a few psychopathic traits, but only genuine psychopaths (a small minority) meet the full diagnostic criteria.

When controlling behaviors in a relationship become a systematic pattern of domination and abuse, this constitutes emotional abuse. Victims suffer significant physical, mental, and emotional trauma. There are confidential resources available to help escape abuse and heal. For an abuser to change, they must take full accountability and invest in long-term therapy and re-conditioning. With support, resilience, and re-claimed personal power, survivors of abusive controlling relationships can go on to thrive.