When a relationship ends abruptly and you’re left wondering why he withdrew without explanation, it’s normal to hold onto hope that he’ll come back after pulling away. Going no contact after a breakup is confusing and can leave you full of unanswered questions. You may be tempted to reach out to him, but resist the urge! Here’s what you need to know about why guys come back after no contact and how long it takes.
Why Men Pull Away After a Breakup
There are a few key reasons why men withdraw and go silent after a split:
- He’s taking time to process the breakup emotions. Even if he initiated the split, ending a relationship brings up difficult feelings that require introspection.
- He doesn’t want to get sucked back into conversation. When emotions are raw, talking often leads to arguments or tears which prolongs pain.
- He wants a clean break. Total no contact allows both people to gain closure faster without constant reminders.
- He needs space to gain perspective. Distance helps him view the relationship more objectively and assess what went wrong.
Although silence after a breakup hurts, try not to take it personally. He’s not necessarily ignoring you out of cruelty – he likely needs solo time to heal, reflect, and eventually move forward.
How Long Does No Contact Last After a Breakup?
There’s no set timeframe for how long no contact should last between exes. Several factors influence the length of time it takes him to come back after you stop talking, including:
- How long you dated. The longer the relationship, the more time he’ll need to recover and re-stabilize.
- Who initiated the breakup. If he broke things off, he may come back sooner since he’s had more time to process.
- How amicable the split was. A nasty breakup requires more no contact time than an amicable parting of ways.
- His attachment style. If he’s avoidant, he may need more space than an anxious or secure ex.
As a general rule of thumb, at least 30 days of no contact is advisable after ending a long-term relationship. For shorter relationships, two to four weeks is often sufficient. But there are no hard and fast rules – go at the pace that feels right for you.
No Contact By Breakup Duration
| Relationship Length | Minimum No Contact |
|---|---|
| 0 – 3 months | 2 weeks |
| 3 – 6 months | 3 weeks |
| 6 months – 2 years | 4 weeks |
| 2+ years | 5 – 6 weeks |
Will He Come Back After No Contact?
Perhaps the biggest question after a breakup is if no contact will make an ex come back. The truth is – sometimes no contact brings an ex back, but sometimes it doesn’t. Here are key factors that increase the likelihood he’ll reach out after you stop contacting him:
- The relationship was healthy overall. Toxic/abusive relationships should stay ended for good.
- The breakup was circumstantial, not loss of feelings. External events are easier to resolve.
- You both still have strong romantic feelings for each other.
- The no contact period gives perspective on what both people want.
- He views the relationship as fixable with effort from both sides.
If your relationship contained these elements, no contact has a chance of working. But even then, you must use the space productively – not just to get him back, but to become your best self. When you focus on your growth and healing, it increases the odds of reconciliation after no contact or empowers you to move on.
Chances He’ll Come Back By Breakup Reason
| Breakup Cause | Chance He’ll Return |
|---|---|
| Circumstantial issues like job loss, moving, family demands | High |
| Cheating | Moderate |
| Frequent conflict | Moderate |
| Loss of romantic feelings | Low |
| Incompatible values/lifestyles | Low |
How to Get Him Back After No Contact
If you’ve decided you want to try and reconnect after a period of no contact, here are some tips to increase the chances he’ll be open to reconciling:
- Use the space to improve yourself and pursue passions – don’t just dwell on the breakup.
- Make positive changes that address any issues that contributed to the split.
- When you reach out after no contact, be warm but neutral – not overly emotional.
- Suggest meeting up casually, without pressure or expectations.
- Listen to his perspective and empathize – don’t just lobby for getting back together.
- Give it time – reconciliation is a process, not an event. Trust takes time to rebuild.
The goal is to show emotional maturity, personal growth and that you’re someone he’d want to be with after having space apart. If it’s meant to be, he’ll appreciate the changes you’ve made.
What to Do If He Doesn’t Come Back
Of course, there’s also the possibility that he won’t come back after no contact. As painful as that is, try not to obsess over making him rekindle the romance. If he’s moved on, the healthiest thing is for you to move forward too. To help gain closure:
- Accept that it’s really over – holding onto false hope will just extend the pain.
- Express your emotions through writing, crying or talking to close friends.
- Remove reminders and mementos so you’re not constantly triggered.
- Invest time in self-care through exercise, hobbies, socializing.
- Look for lessons from the relationship about what you want (and don’t want) in a partner.
- Consider professional counseling if you’re completely stuck in grief.
With time and concerted effort, you can make peace with an ex not coming back. The hurt will slowly fade as you get distance from the breakup and refocus your emotional energy elsewhere.
Ways to Cope If Your Ex Doesn’t Return
| Healthy Coping Strategies | Unhealthy Coping Strategies |
|---|---|
| Talking to friends and family | Isolating yourself |
| Allowing yourself to feel and process the grief | Numbing the pain with drugs/alcohol |
| Journaling about your emotions | Obsessively stalking his social media |
| Exercising and eating well | Neglecting self-care |
| Engaging in fulfilling hobbies | Fixating on the ex |
| Being patient with yourself | Self-criticism and shame |
How Long It Takes to Get Over a Breakup
Healing from a split takes time, especially if the relationship was long-term. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through the process. Research suggests it takes most people at least six months to start feeling like themselves again after major heartbreak. Some other general recovery timelines:
- 1 month – The initial shock and denial starts wearing off.
- 2 months – Sadness, anger and guilt surface as loss is accepted.
- 3-4 months – The intensity of grief stabilizes and lifts slightly.
- 5-6 months – There are more good days than bad as hope returns.
- 12+ months – You rediscover meaning and joy without the ex.
But in truth there is no set timeline – mending a broken heart happens gradually, with ups and downs along the way. Be gracious with yourself and trust that the pain will subside eventually.
Typical Grieving Stages After a Breakup
| Stage | Timing | Characteristics |
|---|---|---|
| Shock | 1-2 weeks | Disbelief, emotional numbness |
| Denial | 2 weeks – 2 months | Downplaying the breakup, avoiding reality |
| Anger | 1 – 3 months | Lashing out, blaming ex or self |
| Bargaining | 2 – 4 months | Seeking ways to reconcile |
| Depression | 2 – 6 months | Feeling hopeless, crying, withdrawing |
| Acceptance | 3 – 12 months | Adjusting to new normal |
Conclusion
Knowing how long no contact should last and if it’ll make an ex want you back requires being realistic. While it can work in some circumstances, reconciling should only happen if you both put in effort to grow. Focus on your healing above all – and if it’s meant to be, you’ll reconnect when the time is right for both of you.