Deciding when to propose marriage is an important and personal decision. While there is no set timeline, most experts recommend waiting at least 12-18 months before proposing. This gives you time to get to know your partner, experience life challenges together, and determine if you’re both ready for marriage. However, every relationship is unique. The most important factors are that you feel emotionally ready, are on the same page about getting married, and have seriously discussed your future. With thoughtfulness and open communication, you can decide when the time is right to take this major next step.
Getting engaged is an exciting milestone in a romantic relationship. However, with nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, it’s clear that rushing into an engagement without careful consideration can be a mistake. So how long should you date before popping the big question?
While there are no hard rules, conventional wisdom holds that 12-18 months of dating is advisable before proposing marriage. This gives you enough time to get to know your partner’s values, life goals, habits, and quirks—and experience major life events together—before making a long-term commitment.
That said, deciding on the “right” timeline is highly personal and depends on your unique circumstances and feelings. The most important factors are being emotionally ready, having open communication about marriage, and mutually agreeing it’s time to take the next step. With thoughtfulness and honesty, you can determine the ideal timing for your relationship.
Reasons to Wait 12-18 Months
Here are some of the top reasons experts suggest dating for a year or more before proposing:
1. It allows time to get to know your partner fully
The early months of dating are filled with fun outings,learning about each other’s interests, and physical attraction. But after theinfatuation phase ends, deeper conversations unfold organically. You’ll likelymeet each other’s families, have disagreements, and experience challenges likeillness or work stress together. Experiencing these ups and downs for a year ormore allows you to understand how your partner thinks and reacts in good timesand bad.
2. You experience how your partner handles major life events
Before committing to marriage, it’s wise to see how your partner responds toimportant life events like changing jobs, moving, financial shifts, familyissues, illnesses, travel, or other stressors. You can gain insight into howthey handle pressure, cope with change, and support you during difficult times.Major shared experiences build a stronger foundation for marriage.
3. It gives time for the intense infatuation to fade
That first flush of new love and excitement often masks underlyingincompatibilities. Once the infatuation wears off in 12-18 months, you may startnoticing previously overlooked red flags. Giving your relationship time tosettle allows you to see your partner clearly before deciding whether or not tomix finances, legally entwine lives, and maybe even raise children together.
4. You have time to seriously discuss marriage
The decision to get engaged should never come as a total surprise. Beforeproposing, you should frankly discuss timelines, expectations around issueslike finances, children, religious beliefs, and more. Broaching these subjectsearly helps ensure you share the same vision and priorities for marriage. Butit’s wise to revisit them after 12-18 months when you know each other better.
5. It reduces odds of divorce
Studies show the longer couples date before marrying, the greater their odds ofhaving a lasting union. Those who date 1-2 years before engagement have 20% reducedchance of divorce compared to quicker engagements. And dating 3 or more yearscuts divorce likelihood by half. More time equals less risk.
When You Might Propose Sooner
While conventional wisdom advises 12-18 months of dating before proposing, there are some situations where it may be sensible to propose sooner. Here are a few:
1. You’re older adults who know what you want
People who remarry or marry later in life often have greater self-awareness oftheir romantic needs. If you’re over age 35 and have a good sense of who you areand what you want in a mate, it could make sense to expedite dating timelines.
2. You or your partner has health issues
Those dealing with serious health problems like cancer or autoimmune disordersmay choose to get engaged quickly. Facing your own mortality adds perspective,and forging a deeper commitment can bring comfort.
3. You have a limited time window for children
Women facing fertility declines may propose marriage more swiftly, especiallyif having biological children is a priority. But thorough soul-searching isstill wise.
4. It’s a second marriage for one or both of you
Individuals who were once married tend to approach dating very differently. Youlikely have greater clarity about must-haves in a partner, from core valuecompatibility to financial responsibility. If everything clicks, it’sreasonable to expedite timelines.
5. You’ve been friends for years before dating
Some couples opt to marry their close friend. In this case, you already haveyears of observing that person’s character in all contexts. Mutual love canprogress quickly because you’re already so familiar.
How Long Do Most Couples Date Before Getting Engaged?
The most common timeframes for dating prior to engagement are:
12-18 months: 30% of couples
This is the most common length, lining up with recommendations from mostexperts. Dating for this time before getting engaged can ensure you get to knowyour partner’s values, make shared memories, and determine your long-termmarriage readiness.
Less than 12 months: 26% of couples
Roughly a quarter get engaged after less than a year. This timeline may makesense for very mature people who know themselves well. But many experts advisetaking more time to avoid divorce down the road.
18-24 months: 25% of couples
A quarter of couples date for 18-24 months before getting engaged. This longercourtship can provide extra assurance you’re compatible in the long run, thoughthe extra time may frustrate impatient partners.
3-5 years: 14% of couples
One in seven couples date for 3-5 years before engagement, often attributed tofocusing on education or career before marriage. While very long courtships usedto be more common, they are less so today.
Less than 6 months: 5% of couples
A small share get engaged within just 6 months. With little time to get toknow someone before committing for life, these unions are more vulnerable tohardship. That said, whirlwind romances can absolutely result in lifelong love.
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged? General Guidelines
While the timelines above provide averages, here are some general guidelines for determining your ideal engagement timeline:
1. Wait until well past the honeymoon phase
Don’t allow the high of new love to overly influence your decision. Let theinfatuation and novelty fade so you can make a clear-headed choice. This usuallytakes at least 12 months.
2. Discuss marriage seriously and openly
Have frank conversations about timelines, children, finances, religion, andother major topics before considering engagement. Revisit these periodically toconfirm you still align.
3. Introduce your partner to family and friends
Before committing for life, spend time with one another’s loved ones. Ensureyour friends and family see your partner’s positive qualities and offer youvaluable input.
4. Take a meaningful trip together
Travel can test a relationship. Plan at least one extended trip together (7-14days) to experience what day-to-day life, simple pleasures, and challenges arelike away from home.
5. Make sure you’re financially stable
Plan your engagement when you’re on solid financial footing as a couple. Don’tlet wedding costs or pressure from others rush your timeline.
6. Share experiences that test your commitment
Before committing for life, go through difficult experiences together like jobloss, moves, illness, or family deaths to ensure you can weather storms as ateam.
7. Feel confident this is “the one”
Don’t say yes until you know in your heart this relationship has what it takesto go the distance. Time gives you the chance to make sure.
8. Sense your partner is equally ready
Your partner should display consistent maturity, shared goals, and a willingnessto discuss marriage openly. Mutual readiness is a must.
How Long to Date Before Proposing: Conclusion
Deciding how long to date before you propose marriage is a personal choice. While 12-18 months is the general recommendation, your ideal timeline depends on factors like your age, health, history, and relationship dynamics.
The most critical requirements are getting to know your partner fully, discussing major life decisions, and mutually agreeing you’re ready for marriage. With open communication and honesty, you can determine the right time to take the next step in your unique relationship.
While there are no definitive rules, dating for a year or longer has benefits. It allows infatuation to fade so you can evaluate your partnership clearly. And it provides time to weather ups and downs together. This helps reduce divorce likelihood down the road.
That said, some situations may justify expedited timelines, like second marriages, older couples, health issues, or limited fertility. The key is ensuring you both feel ready.
Marriage is a major life decision. Moving too quickly can be risky, but unnecessary delays can frustrate partners. With thoughtfulness and frequent check-ins, you can decide on the ideal time to get engaged based on your relationship’s needs and dynamics. Trust your instincts and enjoy this romantic journey!