Losing feelings for someone is a natural process that happens gradually over time. There is no definitive timeline for getting over someone, as the length of time it takes can vary based on the depth of the relationship, how it ended, your attachment style, and other individual factors.
What impacts the time it takes to lose feelings?
Some of the key factors that influence how long it takes to lose romantic feelings for a partner include:
- Length of the relationship – Getting over a long-term relationship generally takes longer than a short-term fling.
- Intensity of feelings – Deeper emotional connections and attachments take longer to fade.
- How the relationship ended – Amicable breakups are easier to recover from than messy or sudden splits.
- Your attachment style – Those with anxious attachment may take longer to detach.
- Support system – Having close friends and family to lean on can accelerate healing.
- Keeping busy – Staying active and distracted helps prevent dwelling on the loss.
- Finding closure – Clear explanations for the breakup provide resolution.
Typical timelines
While there are no definitive timelines, research has uncovered some general patterns for how long it takes to recover based on the seriousness of the relationship:
Losing feelings for a crush or situationship:
For lighthearted dating situations that never advanced to an official relationship, feelings may fade in a matter of weeks or a few months at most once contact is severed. Since no formal commitment or attachment formed, infatuation is easier to overcome.
Losing feelings after a short-term relationship:
For relationships under 6 months, feelings tend to diminish within a few months after breaking up. The attachment is not as strong, so letting go can happen relatively quickly with limited contact and distractions.
Losing feelings after a long-term relationship:
Studies suggest it takes around 3-6 months to recover from a longer relationship that lasted over a year. The grieving process is similar to any major loss, progressing through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Losing feelings after divorce:
Ending a marriage can take well over a year to fully process and recover from. Divorce signals the death of all the hopes, dreams and time invested in a life partnership. Grief counselors often recommend allowing 1-2 years before expecting to move forward.
How do you know when you’re over someone?
Signs that indicate you have moved on and are no longer pining for your ex include:
- You go long stretches without thinking of them.
- Hearing their name or running into them does not trigger emotional reactions.
- You feel indifferent towards them and the relationship.
- You stop idealizing or dwelling on the good times.
- You do not have urges to contact or check up on them.
- You feel ready to pursue new dating and relationship opportunities.
- You have developed a sense of closure and acceptance.
Stages of losing romantic feelings
Psychologists identify several typical stages people go through on the path to detachment and recovery after a breakup:
Shock:
Immediately following a split, it is common to feel numbness or disbelief that the relationship is over. You may still feel attached during this transition phase.
Protest:
As the reality of the breakup sets in, feelings of longing and wanting to reconcile the relationship are common. You may reach out to them wanting things to go back to normal.
Disorganization and Despair:
After attempts to reconnect fail, a phase of sadness, distress and hopelessness typically follows. Crying spells, insomnia, and loss of appetite are normal during this grieving phase.
Reorganization:
Gradually, the intense feelings begin to lift as you adapt to your new life without your partner. You establish routines, reconnect with friends, pursue interests, and start to think about the future.
Recovery and Acceptance:
In the final stage, you come to terms with the breakup, regain confidence, and feel ready to move forward. You may still recall fond memories, but without the emotional attachments.
Healthy ways to move on faster
Proactive strategies that can help expedite recovering from heartbreak include:
- Removing reminders and going no contact
- Opening up to supportive friends and family
- Allowing yourself to fully grieve the loss
- Pouring your energy into positive outlets like work, hobbies, exercise
- Focusing only on the present moment
- Making a list of the relationship’s negatives
- Seeking closure if needed
- Considering counseling or support groups
- Practicing self-care and acts of self-love
- Being patient with yourself and letting go of guilt
How to cope when it’s taking too long
It’s normal to feel frustrated if detachment seems to be dragging on longer than expected. Avoidance behaviors that can slow progress include:
- Excessively venting to others
- Endlessly analyzing the relationship
- Romanticizing the good times
- Stalking them on social media
- Self-medicating with unhealthy habits
- Isolating yourself and ruminating
- Holding onto anger or bitterness
Instead, be proactive by:
- Listing reasons the relationship was not right
- Removing reminders that trigger rumination
- Challenging idealized memories
- Committing to 30 days of no contact
- Immerging yourself in positive distractions
- Developing a vision for your future
- Considering counseling to uncover stuck points
- Joining a support group to gain perspective
When to seek help
If you are still struggling with letting go longer than 6 months after a breakup, you may benefit from seeking professional support. Signs it is time to get help include:
- Inability to carry out daily responsibilities
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Loss of interest in normal activities
- Depressed or anxious mood
- Trouble concentrating or sleeping
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
- Thoughts of suicide
A psychologist can assist you in developing coping strategies, processing underlying issues, identifying unhealthy attachment patterns, and facilitating closure.
Conclusion
Recovering from heartbreak takes time and active self-care. While there are general guidelines for when romantic feelings fade, each experience is unique. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through the ups and downs of the grieving process. With distance and introspection, you can reflect back with acceptance rather than attachment.