The tradition of wearing black clothing after the death of a loved one dates back centuries. Though the custom is not as strictly followed today, many people still wear black for a period of mourning following a death. So how long is it appropriate to wear black after someone dies?
What is the purpose of wearing black after a death?
Wearing black clothing signifies that you are in mourning. It shows a visual expression of grief and loss. Historically, strict mourning protocols dictated wearing black for specific periods of time after the death of a close family member.
Here are some of the key purposes behind wearing black in mourning:
- Shows respect and honor for the deceased
- Allows the mourner to outwardly express their grief
- Lets others know the mourner is in a period of bereavement
- Distinguishes mourning periods by stages, with later stages allowing reduced and/or alternative dark clothing
Wearing mourning clothes was especially prevalent in the Victorian era, when traditions and etiquette around death and mourning were extremely rigid. It remains customary today, though the strict rules have relaxed.
Traditional mourning periods
Traditionally, a mourner would wear black for minimum set periods depending on their relation to the deceased. The closer the relation, the longer the mourning time. Here is an overview of customary mourning lengths in the 19th century:
| Family Relation | Minimum Mourning Period |
|---|---|
| Widow/Widower | 2 years |
| Parent, child, sibling | 1 year |
| Grandparent, grandchild | 6 months |
| Aunt/Uncle, Niece/Nephew | 3-6 months |
| Cousin, in-law relation | 6 weeks – 3 months |
| Friend/distant relative | 3 weeks – 6 weeks |
In the initial mourning stages, the bereaved would wear all black clothing and avoid decorative elements or jewelery. As time passed, restrictions slowly eased – but black was maintained throughout.
Modern mourning periods
Today, the mourning traditions have become more relaxed and people often wear black for much shorter periods:
- Widow/Widower – While some still wear black up to a year, many wear mourning clothes for 1-6 months.
- Parents often wear black to a child’s funeral. But wearing mourning clothes for extended periods is declining.
- Adult children may wear black to a parent’s funeral and for up to a month after.
- Siblings may wear black to the funeral and for up to a month after.
- Grandchildren are less obliged to wear black for extended mourning periods.
- Other relations typically only wear black clothing to the funeral.
Rather than following strict protocols, today people base their mourning period on their cultural background and personal preference.
Regional and religious traditions
The mourning timeline for wearing black varies between different cultures and religions:
- Judaism – 7 days formal mourning called ‘shiva’. 30 days total mourning.
- Islam – 3 days mourning. 40 days encouraged for widow.
- Hinduism – Very strict 10-30 days mourning.
- Buddhism – Funeral blacks followed by extensive mourning whites.
- Mexico – Very traditional 9 day mourning wearing only black.
- Africa – Traditional mourning garments followed by celebrations of life.
These vary from short mourning periods to extended grieving of a year or more. Funeral traditions in many cultures include obligatory black clothing.
What are the stages of mourning clothing?
Traditional Victorian era mourning followed clearly defined clothing stages after a death in the family. The stages matched the social mourning expectations.
Full mourning
This first stage required the bereaved to wear solid black with no decoration. Fabrics were matte and included bombazine, paramatta, crepe, henrietta cloth. Jewelry, embellishments and lace were prohibited. This lasted 1-2 years for widows, 1 year for parents/children, and 6 months – 1 year for other relations.
Second mourning
This phase introduced shades of gray, lilac, lavender and purple. Trim and embroidery in white or black was allowed. Less jewelery restrictions. This stage lasted 9 months for widows, 3-6 months for siblings/children, and 3-4 months for other relatives.
Third mourning
Deeper colors were permitted during this stage including grays, browns and blacks. Embellished blacks with jet beading and ribbon trim introduced. Jewelry still restricted. This lasted up to 6 months for widows, 3 months for parents/siblings, and 1 month other relations.
Half mourning
Final stage where color resumed, starting with lavender, white, and gray. Soft colors followed. Jewelry permitted again. This completed the minimum mourning period, but black could be worn indefinitely.
Men’s mourning clothing
Men in the 19th century followed similar protocols to women for mourning dress:
- All black suit and tie
- Black bands on sleeves or hat
- Black gloves and scarf
- Black hatband over top hat
- Darken existing clothing with black armband
- No jewelery
Men would wear mourning suits for the same duration as women’s mourning stages. Today, men’s mourning clothing is relatively unchanged but durations are shorter – dark suits to the funeral only or for a few weeks after.
Children’s mourning clothes
Victorian children under 12 wore black for 6 months – 1 year following parent or sibling’s death, then transitioned to lighter colors. Toddlers often wore white mourning clothes which transitioned to gray or mauve.
Today, children rarely wear defined mourning clothes. They may wear darker colors like black, gray or navy to the funeral ceremony.
What are appropriate modern mourning clothes?
With relaxed traditions today, appropriate mourning attire can vary widely depending on culture and religion. However, some modern guidelines include:
- Women: Black dress or skirt suit. Long sleeves, conservative neckline.
- Men: Dark suit, white shirt, dark tie.
- If religion requires certain colors or garb, wear as dictated.
- Wear dark-colored clothing without decoration or jewelery.
- Avoid short sleeves, low cuts, bright colors and patterns.
Many stick to traditional black, while others consider darker shades of gray, blue and brown appropriate today.
When should you stop wearing black?
There are no set rules for how long to wear black today. Considerations include:
- Family or religious traditions
- Your relation to the deceased
- Personal preference and level of grief
- Feedback from family and friends
- Ability to reintegrate color into wardrobe
Many limit mourning clothes to the funeral and wake only. Close family may wear black up to a month or until their grief subsides. Listen to your own emotions as a guide.
How to transition clothing from mourning
Removing black mourning garb does not imply you are done grieving. It simply marks a shift in outward grief expressions. Some tips for phasing black out include:
- Introduce neutral colors like gray, beige and navy first
- Wear small neutral or colorful accessories
- Mix a muted color shirt with black bottoms/dress
- Add a colorful scarf or tie
- Buy a new colorful garment and wear occasionally
- Gradually donate/put away majority black clothes
Take time removing black so the transition feels comfortable for you emotionally.
Can other religions wear black?
Wearing black is not limited only to Christian funerals or mourners. It is appropriate for individuals of any religion, as it is considered a neutral color of mourning in most world cultures. Some guidelines for other religions:
- Jewish – Wear black or torn ribbon to funeral. 7 days strict dress codes.
- Hindu – Often white clothing. But black acceptable at funeral.
- Buddhist – Black or white appropriate attire.
- Muslim – Generally avoid black, prefer simple clothing in other dark colors.
When in doubt, opt for modest, dark-colored clothing to show your respect. Check any dress code requirements.
Are there mouning rules for widows?
Historically widows were expected to wear mourning clothes for 2-5 years, but this practice has significantly relaxed. Some modern guidelines include:
- Wear black at funeral, wakes and memorials
- Continue wearing subdued colors during initial grieving period
- Transition to personal preference when ready emotionally
- Cultural or family beliefs may require longer mourning
- Choose mourning duration based on your grief process
A spouse may mourn by wearing black from 1 month to 1 year. Let your emotional state guide you.
How to dress children for a funeral
It’s appropriate to dress children attending a funeral in simple, dark-colored clothing. Some tips include:
- Boys – white shirt, black pants, dark tie
- Girls – Black dress or skirt/top, tights/leggings
- Avoid bright colors/patterns that distract
- Select cool, breathable fabrics for comfort
- Add a cardigan or sweater for warmth
- Choose modest neckline, hemline, non-restrictive fit
Let kids pick a special pin, bracelet or accessories to memorialize deceased.
Conclusion
Today’s mourning etiquette grants more flexibility about wearing black than in the past. The age of strict, prolonged mourning rituals has passed. Most opt for subtler expressions that reflect personal grief preferences. Wearing black is still customary at funerals, but modern mourners choose their own comfort levels for how long black stays in the wardrobe.