Yelling can have a profound negative effect on children. When a parent raises their voice in anger, it can create fear, anxiety, and confusion in a child. Yelling delivers a message to a child that they have done something wrong or unacceptable. While occasionally raising your voice may be unavoidable, regularly yelling at a child can have detrimental impacts on their development and mental health. Understanding the effects yelling has on a child is the first step to breaking this harmful habit.
What happens in a child’s brain when you yell?
A child’s brain goes into a “fight or flight” response when a parent yells. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions, becomes activated. This triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. The child’s body is flooded with these hormones and neurotransmitters that increase heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing. Oxygen is pumped to the muscles to prepare the body to either fight or flee the perceived threat.
While this serves an important survival function, repeatedly activating this response puts great strain on a child’s nervous system. Their bodies and brains remain in a constant state of stress. Being subjected to parental yelling on a regular basis can damage the nervous system and cause toxic stress.
Effects of yelling on the developing brain
A child’s brain is highly vulnerable to the effects of yelling. A child’s brain continues to rapidly develop until the mid 20s. Exposure to yelling and a harsh environment during these formative years can change both the structure and function of the brain.
The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, self-regulation, and emotions, is negatively impacted by yelling. Myelin, the protective coating around nerve fibers, becomes damaged. This impedes the brain’s ability to efficiently transmit messages. The result is a reduced ability to regulate emotions, control impulses, concentrate, and perform higher-level cognitive functions.
Additionally, yelling can over-activate the limbic system, the emotional center of the brain. This can lead to impaired emotional regulation and the development of anxiety disorders and depression later in life. The brain essentially becomes hardwired to overreact to stressors throughout the lifespan.
The emotional impact of yelling
Being yelled at is an emotionally disturbing experience for children. It elicits intense feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, and shame. When a parent loses control of their emotions, it causes a child to feel emotionally abandoned and disconnected. This negatively impacts a child’s ability to form secure attachments. Children become insecure, mistrusting, and emotionally unstable.
Yelling delivers messages of anger, aggression, and rejection. It demonstrates to a child that their feelings and needs are unimportant. Children internalize these messages, developing chronic low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. They may struggle to form healthy relationships later in life, expecting anger or rejection from others.
Children often feel confused when parents yell. Younger kids do not understand the reasons for parental anger. Older kids may feel unfairly accused or criticized. This breeds resentment, frustration, and increased behavioral problems. Fear of sparking further yelling can cause kids to hide their feelings and avoid communicating with their parents.
Short term emotional effects
– Fear
– Anxiety
– Distress/sadness
– Anger
– Shame
– Crying/withdrawal
– Rebellion/defiance
– Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Long term effects
– Insecurity
– Low self-esteem
– Lack of self-confidence
– Depression
– Anxiety disorders
– Difficulty identifying and regulating emotions
– Difficulty with relationships/lack of trust
– Aggression and behavioral problems
– Poor academic performance
The physical effects of yelling
Yelling causes a cascade of stress hormones and neurotransmitters to flood a child’s system. Their heart rate increases and blood pressure rises. Persistent yelling essentially keeps a child’s physiology in a perpetual state of stress. The frequent and prolonged activation of the body’s stress response can lead to chronic psychological and physiological effects.
Psychological effects
– Impaired memory and concentration
– Learning difficulties
– Lack of motivation
– Loss of interest in activities
– Loss of appetite
– Anxiety disorders
– Clinical depression
– Low self-esteem
Physiological effects
– Elevated heart rate and blood pressure
– Muscle tension
– Headaches
– Fatigue
– Insomnia
– Changes in appetite
– Stomach pain
– Skin problems
– Compromised immune system
The immune system and digestive system are especially impacted. The consistent release of cortisol suppresses the immune system, making children more susceptible to colds, flu, and other illnesses. It also increases inflammation and can lead to digestive issues. Children may complain of headaches, stomachaches or generally not feeling well after being yelled at.
The behavioral impact
Yelling is an ineffective discipline strategy that often has the opposite effect parents intend. Children become more resistant to following rules or displaying appropriate behavior when they are yelled at by parents. Yelling fosters misbehavior, defiance, and aggression in children.
Children look to parents to model appropriate behavior. When parents yell and become aggressive, children are likely to mirror this conduct. Kids who grow up in households with a yelling parent often struggle to control their anger and handle frustration properly.
Yelling delivers the message that screaming and aggression are acceptable ways to respond when angry. Children mimic this unhealthy behavior with siblings, classmates, and other kids. Parents who rely on yelling often find it progressively worsens their child’s behavior rather than improving it.
Common behavioral effects include:
– Increased noncompliance and defiance
– Lying
– Loss of motivation
– Aggression towards siblings/peers
– Destructive outbursts
– Withdrawal
– Poor academic performance
– Difficulty concentrating
– Rebellious behavior
– Delinquency/legal problems in adolescence
Yelling becomes ineffective because it is overused as a behavior correction strategy. It loses its intensity and shock value. Children become desensitized to yelling when it occurs regularly. They learn to tune it out and the message behind the yelling is lost. Yelling then fails to correct the child’s behavior at all.
| Age | Common Effects of Yelling |
|---|---|
| Babies & Toddlers | – Crying/clinging to caregiver – Avoidance/fear of parent – Difficulty sleeping – Delayed language/cognitive development |
| Preschool Age | – Aggression/defiance – Tantrums – Insecurity/low self-esteem – Speech problems |
| School Age | – Poor academic performance – Trouble concentrating – Anxiety/depression – Somatic complaints |
| Teens | – Aggression/hostility – Risky/destructive behavior – Drug/alcohol abuse – Depression/suicidal thoughts |
The cycle of yelling
Yelling often becomes a negative pattern in households. Parents yell -> child misbehaves -> parents yell more -> child misbehaves more. It becomes a repeating cycle that increasingly damages the parent-child relationship.
Components of the cycle:
– Parent feels irritated/frustrated by child’s behavior
– Parent yells at child
– Child becomes scared/defiant
– Child acts out further
– Parent feels overwhelmed and yells again
– Child shuts down or reacts aggressively
– Parent-child bond weakens over time
This cycle demonstrates that yelling generally exacerbates behavioral problems. It does not address the root causes of the child’s behavior. Yelling becomes the default parenting strategy to gain compliance. Parents get caught in an ineffective loop of screaming and aggression.
For children, yelling becomes expected. They learn yelling is what follows misbehavior, even though the reasons are never explained. The cycle continues because the child does not actually learn positive behaviors. Yelling does not teach or communicate. It breeds more conduct problems and emotional harm.
Breaking the cycle of yelling
It is possible to disrupt this cycle, rebuild trust, and adopt new parenting techniques. But it requires mindfulness, patience, and commitment to change. Here are some tips for parents to stop yelling:
Regain composure
Take deep breaths, walk away, and calm down before addressing your child’s behavior. Never discipline when you’re feeling angry, overwhelmed, or irritable.
Identify triggers
Determine when and why yelling occurs. Track the events and feelings that commonly precede yelling episodes. Being aware of triggers helps prepare alternative responses.
Communicate calmly
Speak to your child in a calm, respectful tone. Get down to their eye level. Say their name before giving instructions. Listen without interrupting. Resist raising your voice; volume should remain neutral.
Give clear directions
Be specific about expectations. Don’t assume kids know rules intuitively. Explain directions step-by-step. Avoid vague commands like “be good”. Check for understanding. Have kids repeat back instructions.
Reinforce positive behaviors
Notice good behavior when it happens. Provide frequent praise, encouragement, and rewards for compliance and listening. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than punishment.
Explain consequences
Let children know what will happen if they do not follow rules. Calmly enforce consequences like time-out, loss of privilege, etc. Consequences should match the behavior. Avoid exaggerated or severe punishments.
Apologize for mistakes
If you slip up and yell, sincerely apologize to your child after. Model taking responsibility for mistakes and controlling anger appropriately.
Seek support
Ask your co-parent, family members, and friends to help hold you accountable. Join a support group. Seek counseling if yelling continues despite your best efforts.
Healthy discipline strategies
There are many non-punitive, constructive approaches to teaching kids positive behavior. Parental yelling should become the exception, not the rule. Here are some positive discipline techniques to use instead of yelling:
Set expectations proactively
Communicate rules and expectations clearly. Reinforce them regularly. Avoid assuming kids will know directions automatically. Post written rules reminders around the house.
Praise positive behaviors
When a child demonstrates good behavior, offer frequent encouragement and praise. Thank them for listening, provide positive feedback, and give them your attention.
Use reminder/warnings
Give a verbal reminder or warning before consequences kick in. “Remember, if you do not put away your toys when I count to 3, I will put them away for the rest of the day.”
Provide engaging alternatives
Direct your child’s energy towards a positive activity. “We don’t throw balls in the house. Let’s go outside and I can throw the ball to you.”
Offer choices
Give children limited options that both work for you. “You can clean your room now and have free time later, or you can play now and clean your room after dinner.”
Use natural consequences
Let your child experience the natural outcomes of their behavior without yelling or threats. “Since you did not take your toy off the stairs, it got broken when I stepped on it.”
Withdraw attention
If a child is throwing a tantrum to seek attention, calmly turn and walk away without speaking. Give them space to compose themselves.
Model problem solving
Narrate out loud how you deal with anger, cope with frustration, and solve challenges. Children observe and learn these strategies from parental examples.
Compromise when able
Look for minor concessions you can make to engage cooperation. “How about 15 more minutes before bedtime if you put on PJs now?”
Have family meetings
Schedule regular family meetings to solve problems together. Invite children to share feelings and collaborate on expectations.
Conclusion
Yelling comes from a place of anger, impatience, and frustration. While all parents lose their cool occasionally, yelling should not be a regular disciplinary method. Yelling induces fear and harms a child’s psychological, emotional, and physical health. It damages their self-esteem, impairs brain development, and actually worsens behavior problems.
Yelling becomes a destructive, ineffective cycle in families. But this habit can be broken with intention and alternative discipline strategies. It is possible to restore close relationships after a pattern of yelling has developed. With mindful effort and commitment to change, parents can stop yelling and build a peaceful, nurturing home environment.