What is PTSD?
PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. This could be a natural disaster, serious accident, terrorist incident, war, sexual assault or other extremely stressful experiences. People with PTSD often relive the traumatic event through flashbacks, nightmares or intrusive thoughts or images. They may avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma and feel emotionally numb or disconnected from friends and family. PTSD can cause difficulty sleeping, irritability, angry outbursts, hypervigilance and an exaggerated startle response.
How does PTSD impact relationships?
PTSD can significantly impact romantic relationships in many ways:
Withdrawal and emotional numbing
People with PTSD often withdraw from loved ones and have difficulty experiencing positive emotions like joy, satisfaction and happiness. They may seem emotionally distant, numb or disconnected in the relationship. Their partner may feel shut out or like they are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them.
Irritability and anger
Individuals with PTSD are prone to sudden irritability, angry outbursts and rage. Their partner often bears the brunt of these emotions. The angry reactions may seem to come out of nowhere over minor issues. The partner feels like they have to be careful to avoid setting the person off.
Lack of intimacy
Many people with PTSD lose interest in physical and emotional intimacy. They may avoid sex and physical touch. Or intimacy may trigger flashbacks of the trauma, causing them to feel vulnerable or unsafe. This can make their partner feel unloved, unattractive or rejected.
Relationship anxiety
People with PTSD often have an underlying sense of fear or anxiety about the relationship. The trauma caused them to lose trust in other people or the world being safe. This can make it hard to feel secure with a partner and depend on them. They may constantly question the relationship.
Communication problems
PTSD impairs communication skills like expressing needs and feelings. The person may struggle to open up to their partner about their inner experiences. Poor communication leads to misunderstandings and confusion in the relationship.
Paranoia and jealousy
Hypervigilance from PTSD can cause intense suspicion about a partner’s interactions. The person may constantly monitor their partner, misinterpret behavior, or make false accusations of cheating. Unfounded jealousy strains trust in the relationship.
Avoidance of social activities
People with PTSD often avoid crowded places or social situations where they feel unsafe or overstimulated. They may refuse to attend events, outings and activities with their partner’s friends and family. This can isolate the couple socially.
Sleep disturbances
PTSD frequently causes insomnia, restless sleep and nightmares. Their partner’s sleep is often affected too. Lack of sleep leaves both people fatigued and impairs mood and functioning.
How can you support a partner with PTSD?
If your partner has PTSD, here are some tips for being supportive:
Learn about PTSD
Educate yourself about PTSD symptoms, triggers and treatment options. Understanding the disorder will help you respond in more helpful ways. Validate their experiences and encourage them to get professional help.
Give them space
Don’t force your partner to open up, socialize or be intimate before they are ready. Let them set the pace. Take a step back when they need more space.
Ask how to help
Check in about what makes them feel calm, safe and supported. Respect their boundaries. Offer to accompany them to therapy.
Practice patience
Recovering from PTSD takes time. Frustration and anger are common symptoms. Respond with patience, not personal offense.
Don’t take it personally
Their reactions are from PTSD, not your relationship. Don’t judge yourself for their moods, withdrawal or suspiciousness.
Encourage communication
Gently draw them out on their feelings and experience. Be a good listener without judgment. Reflect back what you hear.
Don’t be controlling
Urging, scolding, criticizing or making demands often backfires. Give them autonomy in the relationship.
Practice self-care
You can’t support your partner unless you also care for yourself. Make time for your own needs and stress relief.
Set boundaries
Stand up for yourself if they cross lines with inappropriate anger, accusations or controlling behavior. You deserve respect.
Get outside support
Therapy, support groups and talking to trusted friends can protect you from burnout. You don’t have to manage this alone.
When is professional help needed?
If your partner’s PTSD symptoms are:
– Getting worse
– Causing problems at work
– Damaging your relationship
– Leading to substance abuse
– Causing suicidal thoughts
Then they need to pursue professional treatment for PTSD through counseling, medication or other interventions. Their mental health provider can also give you guidance on being a supportive partner.
Don’t try to “rescue” them. Ultimately overcoming PTSD is their responsibility, not yours. But your love, patience and compassion can empower their healing journey.
| PTSD Symptom | Impact on Relationship | How to Support |
|---|---|---|
| Withdrawal and emotional numbing | Partner feels shut out. | Give them space when needed. |
| Irritability and anger | Partner feels like they are “walking on eggshells”. | Don’t take it personally. Encourage communication. |
| Lack of intimacy | Partner feels unattractive or rejected. | Reassure them it’s not about them. Don’t pressure for intimacy. |
| Relationship anxiety | Constant doubts about the relationship. | Offer reassurance. Encourage them to share fears. |
| Communication problems | Misunderstandings and confusion. | Be a good listener. Reflect back what you hear. |
| Paranoia and jealousy | Accusations of cheating. Lack of trust. | Set boundaries on accusations but offer reassurance. |
| Avoidance of social activities | Social isolation as a couple. | Accept their need to limit social activities. |
| Sleep disturbances | Fatigue, impaired mood and functioning. | Emphasize the importance of sleep hygiene. |
In summary:
– PTSD can profoundly impact romantic relationships with symptoms like withdrawal, irritability, lack of intimacy, anxiety, communication issues, paranoia, avoidance and sleep problems.
– Partners often feel rejected, unattractive, confused and like they are “walking on eggshells”.
– Support your partner by learning about PTSD, giving them space when needed, not taking symptoms personally, encouraging communication and setting healthy boundaries.
– Professional treatment is crucial if symptoms are getting worse or causing major problems.
– Caring for your own needs is also vital so you don’t experience burnout.
– With understanding and the right help, relationships impacted by PTSD can heal and grow stronger over time.