What is narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While NPD is recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as a disorder that can be diagnosed in adulthood, some researchers believe that the seeds of narcissism are planted in childhood.
Children who go on to develop narcissistic traits often display behaviors consistent with narcissism at a young age. However, it’s important to note that many of these behaviors are developmentally appropriate at certain ages. True narcissism sets in when these traits and behaviors become rigid, maladaptive, and enduring.
Signs of narcissism in children
Some key signs that may indicate a child has narcissistic tendencies include:
An inflated sense of self-importance
Narcissistic children often have an exaggerated sense of self-worth and unique abilities. They may see themselves as superior and entitled to special treatment. For example, a narcissistic child might boast about accomplishments, overestimate their intelligence or athletic abilities, and crave constant praise and compliments.
Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, and attractiveness
Children with narcissistic traits often fantasize about future fame, fortune, and success. They may be overly preoccupied with fantasies of power, beauty, ideal love, and unlimited success. Their fantasies typically focus on unrealistic success achieved with little effort.
Sense of entitlement
Narcissistic children demonstrate an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment. They believe they can cut in line, take shortcuts, or avoid consequences because they are special. They often insist on having the best of everything.
Need for constant, excessive admiration
Children with narcissistic tendencies crave constant compliments and exaggerated praise. They may display arrogant attitudes and behaviors designed to attract attention. They are often jealous of siblings or classmates who receive praise.
Lack of empathy
A diminished ability to recognize and identify with others’ needs and feelings is a hallmark of narcissism. Narcissistic children demonstrate little genuine concern for others. They may belittle, insult, or exploit peers without remorse. They are often envious of their classmates and siblings.
Arrogant, haughty behaviors
Narcissistic children often come across as conceited, boastful, and pretentious. They may speak highly of themselves and their abilities, and disparage those they view as inferior. They believe they are above social norms and rules.
React poorly to criticism
Children with narcissistic traits often respond poorly when their behavior is critiqued. They may lash out in anger or retaliate when they do not get praised. They have difficulty calmly handling criticism or feedback about their conduct or abilities.
What causes narcissism in children?
Mental health experts point to a number of factors that likely contribute to the development of narcissistic traits in children:
Genetics
Research suggests that narcissism has a genetic component. Children with narcissistic parents may inherit a predisposition to the disorder. However, environmental factors also play a key role in the development of NPD.
Excessive praise and indulgence
Parents who overpraise their children and give them excessive affection may foster entitled, superior attitudes. Children praised for qualities like appearance learn they can get attention through superficial charm.
Neglect and trauma
Some theorists believe parental indifference can lead children to seek compensation through fantasies of grandeur and absorption in the self. Severe abuse or trauma in childhood may also contribute to narcissism.
Learning manipulative behaviors
Children with narcissistic parents may observe and replicate manipulative tactics to gain admiration or avoid blame. They learn these behaviors garner short-term gains.
Character traits
Certain innate character traits like high extraversion, low agreeableness, high self-esteem, and low neuroticism may predispose children to narcissism. However, social learning largely shapes how these traits are expressed.
Impact of narcissism in children
Narcissism in children can significantly impact social, emotional, and academic development. Potential effects include:
Difficulty forming close relationships
Narcissistic children’s lack of empathy makes it hard for them to develop genuine connections and friendships. Their tendency to manipulate and exploit others hinders intimacy.
Underperformance at school
Children with narcissism often perform below potential academically. Their grandiose fantasies and belief in their inflated abilities mean they feel little need to study or practice skills.
Rejection by peers
Narcissistic behaviors like arrogance, exploitation, and bragging often lead to peer rejection. Narcissistic children tend to lack a core peer group and alienate classmates.
Low self-esteem
Though narcissistic children seem to have an inflated self-concept on the surface, fragile self-esteem often lurks below. Their boasting masks deep feelings of inferiority.
Behavior problems
The entitled, manipulative nature of narcissistic children makes them prone to conduct problems. Their poor anger management, bullying, lying, and cheating can get them in trouble at home and school.
Anxiety and depression
There is evidence that narcissistic children suffer higher rates of anxiety and depression. The pressures of maintaining their superior image exacts an emotional toll.
What is the treatment for narcissism in children?
Treating narcissism in children should focus on:
Parent education
It’s critical to teach narcissistic children’s parents about reasonable praise, empathy, discipline, and giving children opportunities to develop grit and humility. Parents need guidance to foster their child’s genuine self-esteem apart from achievements or appearances.
Psychotherapy
For the narcissistic child, individual counseling provides a setting to learn social skills like listening, compromise, and apologizing. Cognitive behavioral approaches help them adopt more realistic assessments of themselves and others. Group therapy can teach them to interact more positively with peers.
Behavior modification
Parents and teachers should discourage narcissistic behaviors with clear expectations and consequences. Praise should be contingent on effort and kindness, not on the child’s attributes. Rewards for genuine accomplishments nurture realistic self-esteem.
Increasing accountability
Narcissistic children must be held accountable for their conduct, without excuses being accepted at face value. Constructive criticism helps them develop skills to cope with life’s inevitable frustrations.
Monitoring media consumption
Social media and advertising bombard children with messages promoting narcissistic values like status, appearance, and materialism. Limiting exposure helps counteract these influences.
What’s the outlook for narcissistic children?
Early intervention offers hope for helping narcissistic children adopt more realistic, socially appropriate behaviors before dysfunctional narcissism becomes ingrained. However, narcissism can be difficult to treat, especially when dysfunctional habits are firmly established.
While many narcissistic children mature into more grounded, responsible adults, others retain maladaptive narcissistic patterns that hamper their adult lives and relationships. However, with insight and concerted effort, even entrenched narcissism can be overcome. The prognosis depends largely on the individual’s willingness to acknowledge their narcissism and do the hard work to change.