A compulsive liar is someone who lies out of habit, rather than by choice. Lying tends to be their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions and situations. Compulsive lying is usually considered a mental disorder, and compulsive liars have a chronic tendency to lie about almost everything, regardless of the situation or consequences. There are many complex reasons why someone may develop this damaging habit. So how exactly does a compulsive liar feel? Let’s explore some of the common emotions and motivations behind this dysfunctional behavior.
They Feel Anxious
Compulsive liars often lie to cope with overwhelming anxiety. The lying may start out small to avoid punishment or disapproval. Over time, it becomes a default reaction to reduce intense nervousness in social situations. Compulsive liars experience a constant state of anxiety about being caught in their web of lies. Ironically, the lying produces more anxiety and fuels the need to lie even more. It becomes a vicious cycle of anxiety relief seeking. The compulsive liar feels anxious when telling the truth because it contradicts their fabricated stories. Coming clean can provoke intense stress.
They Feel Insecure
Lying compulsively is often a maladaptive coping mechanism for deep feelings of insecurity. Compulsive liars may feel inadequate, worthless, or fundamentally flawed. Lying gives them a temporary ego boost or helps them fictionalize a new persona. Compulsive liars have a fragile sense of self, so they try to construct an idealized identity with their lies. Underneath the façade is a profound lack of self-confidence. No matter how convincing their lies, compulsive liars feel insecure and afraid of being exposed.
They Feel Exhilarated
Getting away with lying can produce a dopamine-fueled rush of excitement. Compulsive deceit is a form of risk-taking that flatters their ego and enhances their fantasy world. The more their lies successfully dupe people, the more arrogant and empowered they feel. However, the thrill is usually short-lived before anxiety returns. Compulsive liars chase the next lie to stimulate another brief sense of control and superiority. It’s an addiction to the brain’s reward pathways.
They Feel Trapped
Compulsive liars feel trapped in a web of deception that takes immense mental energy to sustain. Keeping track of so many lies is cognitively taxing. The slightest slip-up can undo the entire façade. Compulsive liars live in constant fear of being found out, yet confessing the truth after so many lies also feels impossibly daunting. The layers of deceit back them into a metaphorical corner. Coming clean means destroying their fictional identity and reputation.
What Causes Compulsive Lying?
Compulsive lying tends to stem from a confluence of biological and environmental factors. Here are some of the key causes and risk factors:
Genetics
Compulsive lying may have a partial genetic basis. Twin studies reveal a stronger concordance in identical twins than fraternal twins, indicating some hereditary influence. Certain gene variants affecting neurotransmitter systems may predispose someone to compulsive lying behaviors.
Brain Differences
Neuroimaging studies show structural and functional differences in the brains of compulsive liars compared to typical brains. Key areas relating to emotion regulation, decision-making, and morality tend to be underactive. Deficits in emotion processing and empathy may enable greater deceit.
Psychiatric Disorders
Compulsive lying is commonly associated with psychiatric conditions like narcissistic, borderline, and antisocial personality disorders. It also occurs in psychoses like schizophrenia. Mental health diagnoses involving impulsivity and distorted thinking increase the risk.
Substance Abuse
Lying compulsively is linked to higher rates of alcohol and drug addiction. Intoxication lowers inhibitions, and dependence provides more opportunities to lie and steal for substances. Obtaining drugs often requires deceit.
Childhood Trauma
Children who suffer neglect, emotional abuse, or insecure attachments often develop compulsive lying later on. Growing up in an environment of secrecy, manipulation, and conditional approval teaches deception as a coping strategy.
Parental Modeling
Compulsive liars are more likely to have parents who also lied habitually and got away with it. Observing a parent reap the benefits of lying without consequences can establish it as acceptable behavior.
| Risk Factor | Description |
|---|---|
| Genetics | Compulsive lying may have a partial genetic basis according to twin studies. |
| Brain Differences | fMRI studies reveal structural and functional brain abnormalities in compulsive liars. |
| Psychiatric Disorders | Conditions like narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders increase compulsive lying risk. |
| Substance Abuse | Compulsive liars have high rates of drug and alcohol addiction. |
| Childhood Trauma | Abuse and insecure attachment establish lying as a coping mechanism. |
| Parental Modeling | Growing up with parents who lie habitually can normalize the behavior. |
Signs of a Compulsive Liar
How can you identify a compulsive liar? Here are some of the most common signs and patterns:
They Lie About Minor Matters
Compulsive liars don’t just fabricate stories around big events – they will lie about inconsequential details and facts that have no rational motive. For instance, falsely claiming they had eggs for breakfast or saw a specific movie last week.
Their Stories Lack Consistency
Since compulsive liars make up so much, they struggle to remember all the details. Their lies often change each time they retell a story or contradict previous lies. Dates, numbers, people involved or other facts will morph.
They Lie When Honesty Would Do
Rather than lying only when necessary, compulsive liars often lie for no logical reason when telling the truth would have sufficed. It’s a reflex they cannot control.
Their Body Language Doesn’t Match Their Words
Compulsive liars may fidget, avoid eye contact, or display other “tells” revealing their dishonesty. Their body language, tone of voice or facial expressions won’t match the content of their falsifications.
They Blame Forgetfulness or Miscommunication
When caught in a lie, compulsive liars have a repertoire of excuses to explain inconsistencies. They will blame innocent forgetfulness, misheard information, misunderstandings – anything but admitting to lying intentionally.
They Divert Conversations to Avoid the Truth
Cornering a compulsive liar with direct questions can lead to expert dodging. They will change the subject, make jokes, turn questions around on the asker – whatever tactics necessary not to face the truth.
They Retaliate When Confronted
Challenging or exposing a compulsive liar often provokes rage and demands for apologies from the confronter. They lash out instead of taking responsibility for the deception. Some may even fabricate evidence to discredit accusers.
They Have a History of Legal Problems
Compulsive lying can lead to perjury, fraud, false police reports and other legal issues. They continue deceiving even under oath or official questioning. Past run-ins with the law are common.
Friends and Family Express Concerns
If several close connections suspect someone of compulsive lying, it’s wise to heed those warnings. Their intimate knowledge provides insight into patterns of habitual deception over time.
Impacts of Compulsive Lying
The chronic, unchecked lying of a compulsive liar can have devastating effects on their life. Here are some of the most common impacts:
Damaged Relationships
When friends and family can no longer believe anything someone says, intimacy suffers. Broken trust from repeated lying often destroys relationships beyond repair. Some compulsive liars end up alienating everyone close to them.
Diminished Self-Worth
While compulsive lying may provide temporary ego boosts, over time most compulsive liars feel deeply ashamed of their behavior once exposed. They are aware their entire identity is built on fabrication. Their self-esteem plummets.
Reduced Job Prospects
Employers often conduct background checks and verify work histories. For compulsive liars, their deceptions catch up limiting viable job options. Getting fired for dishonesty also mars their employment records.
Financial Hardships
Squandered resources on addictions, disastrous decision-making, and reckless investments often leave compulsive liars in difficult financial straits. Their poor coping skills and judgment lead to poverty.
Legal Consequences
Compulsive liars who engage in insurance fraud, scams, identity theft, embezzlement, and other illegal acts for gain frequently face legal action. Lawsuits, restitution, or even jail time can result.
Deteriorating Mental Health
The constant stress, anxiety, guilt, and insecurity surrounding chronic deceit takes a toll on mental health. Many compulsive liars suffer from depression, low self-esteem, paranoia and other issues.
| Impact | Description |
|---|---|
| Damaged Relationships | Lies routinely destroy intimate bonds and trust between the compulsive liar and loved ones. |
| Diminished Self-Worth | The awareness their identity is fabricated devastates the compulsive liar’s self-esteem. |
| Reduced Job Prospects | Getting caught in resume lies and dismissed for dishonesty limits career opportunities. |
| Financial Hardships | Reckless judgments often lead compulsive liars into poverty. |
| Legal Consequences | Fraudulent or illegal acts stemming from lying frequently incur lawsuits or jail time. |
| Deteriorating Mental Health | The guilt, stress and paranoia of chronic deceit can spur depression and anxiety. |
Overcoming Compulsive Lying
Breaking free of compulsive lying is extremely challenging but not impossible. With tremendous courage and the right help, genuine change is within reach. Here are some tips:
Seek Professional Treatment
Therapy with a mental health professional experienced in treating compulsive liars is essential. Counseling helps identify the root causes and feelings driving the behavior. Therapy provides strategies to stop lies and rebuild authenticity. Medication can also help for conditions like anxiety disorders, OCD and ADHD that underlie compulsive deceit. Support groups provide community.
Come Clean Gradually
A sudden, blanket confession to years of constant lying will likely overwhelm loved ones. Consider starting with a general admission of the problem, then gradually sharing specifics over time in a spirit of accountability, honesty and repairing trust. Be prepared for mixed reactions.
Practice Mindfulness
Training the mind to pause and think before speaking is vital for compulsive liars. Meditation and mindfulness exercises strengthen impulse control and emotional awareness. Slowing down prevents reflexive dishonesty.
Remove Temptations
Avoid enablers of deception like substances, technology, or unhealthy relationships. Build a new circle of trustworthy friends. Make amends to those hurt by past lies. Reflect on what drives the urge to lie in triggering situations.
Reward Truthfulness
Celebrate milestones in honesty with small treats.Verbally praise yourself or ask loved ones to acknowledge your transparency. Positive reinforcement cements new patterns. A journal also tracks growth.
Fake It Till You Make It
“Acting as if” helps envision change before it becomes natural. Temporarily mimicking the speech and body language of honest people sends signals to the brain that reshape neuropathways, creating lasting transformation.
Conclusion
Compulsive lying is a complex disorder with profound emotional consequences. At its core is often an anxious, insecure person struggling to construct an idealized self-image. Yet overcoming this destructive habit is possible through courage, self-reflection, and therapeutic support. With time, honesty can become more fulfilling than fiction. When compulsive liars learn to authentically express their true emotions and vulnerabilities, they open the door to building an empowered identity they don’t have to lie to protect.