It’s a common situation – you get a “I miss you” text from someone you don’t necessarily miss back. Maybe it’s an ex you’ve moved on from, a friend you’ve grown apart from, or a family member you just aren’t very close to. Whatever the reason, you don’t reciprocate those same feelings but also don’t want to hurt them or make things awkward. So what should you say? Here are some tips on how to respond gracefully and keep the situation positive.
If it’s from an ex
Getting an “I miss you” message from an ex can be tricky to navigate. On one hand, you cared about them once and don’t want to be rude. On the other hand, you’ve moved on and don’t necessarily feel the same way. Here are some good responses:
Acknowledge without reciprocating
You can let them know you saw their text without saying it back:
– “Thanks, I hope you’re doing well too!”
– “I appreciate you reaching out, hope all is good.”
– “It’s nice to hear from you. I hope things have been going great on your end.”
This shows you don’t reciprocate but still acknowledges their feelings kindly.
Remind them you’ve moved on
If your ex continues to reach out, you can reiterate that you’ve moved on in a polite way:
– “I’m flattered, but as I mentioned before, I have moved on from our relationship and am seeing someone new now.”
– “I’m not comfortable engaging in this kind of conversation since we’re broken up. I wish you the best though.”
– “I think it’s best if we keep our distance since the relationship ended. Wishing you well.”
Being direct but compassionate can help prevent leading them on.
Suggest redirecting their energy
If your ex is having a hard time moving on, gently suggest focusing their energy elsewhere:
– “I know breakups can be hard, but try to remember all the great things you have going on in your life.”
– “I’m sure you’ll find someone new when the time is right. Wishing you the best out there!”
– “I think it would be healthier for you to reconnect with friends and pursue new hobbies rather than dwell on the past.”
This can help them reframe the situation in a more positive light.
If it’s from a friend
For platonic friends, you want to be warm but draw healthy boundaries:
Express appreciation
Even if you don’t necessarily miss them back right now, validate their feelings kindly:
– “So nice to hear from you! I hope you’ve been doing great.”
– “That warms my heart to know you think of me – hope you’re hanging in there.”
– “I really appreciate you reaching out, it means a lot.”
This shows you care without misleading them.
Suggest catching up
If you want to reconnect, suggest making plans to catch up:
– “It would be great to catch up over coffee soon and hear how you’ve been!”
– “I’d love to get together for dinner and chat – let me know if you’re free next week.”
– “How about we meet up for our long overdue friend date? Name the time and place!”
Making concrete plans can nurture the friendship.
Explain if you’ve grown apart
If your friendship has fizzled, acknowledge that in a thoughtful manner:
– “Life has pulled us in different directions but I’ll always think of you fondly.”
– “I cherish our memories together but I think we’ve just grown apart over time as people sometimes do.”
– “I’m thankful for the meaningful friendship we had. I don’t think we’re as close nowadays but I wish you the best.”
Being honest yet kind can prevent hurt feelings down the line.
If it’s from family
For family members you aren’t super close to, you want to maintain goodwill but also set healthy boundaries:
Express appreciation
Even if the family member is more invested than you, appreciate them reaching out:
– “It’s nice to hear from you! I hope you’ve been well.”
– “Thanks for thinking of me – it means a lot.”
– “I really appreciate you texting me that.”
This shows you value their effort.
Suggest making plans
You can nurture the family bond by making plans together:
– “We should get dinner the next time you’re in town – let me know when you’re free!”
– “Maybe we could meet up for coffee soon if our schedules align.”
– “If you have time when you visit for the holidays, let’s catch up in person.”
Following through can strengthen the family tie over time.
Be honest if you’re not close
If your relationship is strained, you can tactfully acknowledge it:
– “I know we’ve grown apart over the years but I hope you’re doing well.”
– “Our relationship has been complicated, but I appreciate you making the effort.”
– “While we aren’t necessarily close, I’m glad to hear you’re thinking of me.”
This maintains goodwill without feigning a closeness that doesn’t exist.
Helpful Principles For Responding
When figuring out how to respond to an unwelcome “I miss you” text, keep these principles in mind:
Be thoughtful and kind
You can decline the sentiment gracefully without being rude. Aim for responses that are compassionate but draw healthy boundaries.
Don’t ghost
Ignoring the text may seem easier but could really hurt their feelings. Take the time to acknowledge the message, even if you don’t feel the same way.
Don’t be overly effusive
Don’t get sucked into reciprocating affection or excitement you don’t genuinely feel. Overdoing it can mislead them about your feelings.
Suggest redirecting their energy
If they seem stuck on you, politely suggest focusing their emotional energy elsewhere in a healthy direction.
Follow through if you make plans
Don’t say you want to get together if you don’t intend to. Only suggest meeting up if you’re able and willing to make it happen.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
Be careful not to implicitly or explicitly dangle reconciliation or revived friendship if you know that won’t happen.
Sample Responses
Here are some example texts of how to respond gracefully to unwelcome “I miss you” messages:
From an ex:
– “Thanks for the kind words. I’m seeing someone new now and have moved on, but I hope you’re doing great.”
– “I appreciate you reaching out, but I think it’s healthiest for both of us to focus our emotional energy elsewhere.”
– “I miss the good times we had too but I’ve accepted that chapter has closed. Wishing you happiness.”
From a friend:
– “It makes me happy to know you still think of me after all this time. We should meet up and catch up soon if our schedules allow.”
– “Life pulled us apart but I still cherish our memories together. I hope you’ve been staying in good spirits.”
– “Thanks for reaching out, it’s nice to reconnect. Things have been busy on my end but let’s plan a long overdue friend date!”
From family:
– “I’m glad you texted me – it’s nice to hear from you. I know we’ve grown distant over the years but I hope you’re doing well.”
– “Thanks for thinking of me. Our relationship has had ups and downs but I appreciate you making the effort to connect.”
– “It means a lot that you reached out. Hopefully we can find some time to catch up while you’re visiting for the holidays.”
When to Have a Conversation
If you continue getting unwelcome “I miss you” texts, at a certain point you may need to have a polite but direct conversation to prevent hurt feelings. Some signs it’s time to discuss the situation more clearly:
– They text it constantly and won’t take the hint from your short responses
– They interpret basic kindness from you as a sign you want to get back together
– Their texts seem very emotional, not grounded in reality
– The contact makes your partner uncomfortable
– You feel anxious, guilty, or obligated every time they text
If any of those apply, have a clear but compassionate dialogue:
– Reiterate that the relationship has run its course for you without room for reconciliation
– Establish healthy boundaries and what contact, if any, you are comfortable with
– Suggest redirecting their emotions to new hobbies, friends, goals
– Recommend counseling if they seem very distraught
– Cut contact if necessary for your own well-being
The conversation may be difficult but can provide needed clarity and closure.
Other Tips
Here are some additional tips for handling unwelcome “I miss you” texts:
Don’t delay responding. It’s best to reply reasonably soon so they don’t get the wrong idea if you wait days or weeks.
Tailor it to your relationship. The closer you were, the more effort you may want to put into a thoughtful response. An old friend deserves more care than a rando ex.
Keep it simple early on. For newer relationships, a simple “Thanks, hope you’re well!” can prevent leading them on.
Avoid pet names. Don’t use terms like “babe” or “hun” which imply closeness you don’t feel.
Suggest specific plans. If you will meet up, suggest a defined place & time rather than vague “we should get together!”
Let your partner know if you’re getting uncomfortable texts from someone so they understand the context.
Remember, the recipient is likely reaching out with genuine feelings, even if you don’t share them. With care and boundary-setting, you can acknowledge their message kindly without misleading them.
Conclusion
When you receive an unwelcome “I miss you” text, respond thoughtfully without reciprocating the sentiment. Be kind but firm in drawing healthy boundaries, especially if they continue texting it. Suggest redirecting their emotional focus if they seem stuck on you. Have an honest conversation if needed to prevent leading them on. With empathy and open communication, you can handle the situation maturely without hurt feelings or misunderstandings. The goal is to acknowledge their feelings graciously while also being true to your own emotional reality.