Discerning truth from lies is an important skill in relationships. When a partner lies, it can erode trust and cause pain. Women often ask how to tell if a man is lying. There are both verbal and nonverbal cues that can indicate deception. Being attuned to these signs can help you identify when a man isn’t being honest. With awareness, you can have clarity in your relationships.
Look For Changes In Behavior
One of the most telling signs of lying is a change in normal behaviors. When someone is being deceitful, they are likely to act differently than their regular self. For instance, if a man who is normally talkative goes quiet, it could be a red flag. Or if he seems more fidgety or restless, he may be hiding something. Here are some changes that suggest lying:
- Less eye contact
- Closed off body language like crossed arms
- Sudden increase in thirst, swallowing or throat clearing
- More pauses and hesitation when speaking
- Heightened nervous gestures like foot tapping
- Overexplaining details
When you’re familiar with a man’s common behaviors, you can better spot when something seems off. Any deviation from baseline could imply fabrication. Make note if he is acting markedly different than normal without a plausible explanation why.
Listen For Speech Changes
How a man talks when lying often differs from his regular speech patterns. Liars tend to use more words to seem convincing. But the excess verbiage gives them away. Here are some speech signs of mistruths:
- Repeating your questions
- Speaking in sentence fragments
- Using filler words like “um” and “uh”
- Making contradictory statements
- Decreasing use of first-person words like “I” or “me”
- Lack of contraction use, like saying “do not” instead of “don’t”
When a man is being truthful, his speech tends to be direct and concise. But lying involves constructing false narratives, which makes speech falter. Watch for unusual speech patterns that pop up suddenly. They likely indicate he is fibbing or omitting key details.
Look For “Tells”
“Tells” refer to subtle body language signs of lying. These largely unconscious movements give away that a man is anxious. With dishonesty, the brain feigns emotions while the body leaks out deceit. Here are common physical tells:
- Looking up and to the left
- Covering the mouth or eyes
- Fake smiles that don’t reach the eyes
- Tense posture
- Exaggerated nodding
- Grooming behaviors like hair touching
Usually when lying, people look up to access the creative part of their brain. They may cover their mouth or eyes because they can’t bear to see your reaction. Fake smiles involve just the mouth muscles whereas real smiles crinkle the eyes. Since lying causes anxiety, it also manifests through tense body language and nervous grooming gestures.
Watch For Omissions
One of the sneakiest ways men lie is through omission. Rather than directly lying, they leave out pertinent details. For instance, a man flirting with his ex on social media might just say he had a “fine” day if asked. This omits the full truth of his interactions. Here are some signs a man is lying by omission:
- Withholding information to avoid follow-up questions
- Downplaying events as “nothing” or meaningless
- Focusing only on benign details
- Saying he doesn’t remember when he likely does
- Being intentionally vague in responses
- Getting defensive if pressed for more details
Pay attention if a man glosses over something that seems like it should be more significant. Probing deeper into these superficial responses can reveal the truth. If he gets squirrely when asked for more details, he may be purposely omitting key parts of the story.
Notice When Stories Don’t Add Up
Liars often slip up by providing contradictory or illogical information. Since keeping lies straight is difficult, inconsistent details tend to arise. Some signs a man’s story isn’t adding up:
- Changing minor points each time he tells it
- Mixing up names, dates or other facts
- Making claims that conflict with evidence
- Describing events that defy logic
- Unable to keep “facts” straight when recounting
Think back through previous conversations and take note if a man’s current statements clash with prior ones. Also be skeptical if what he says doesn’t make rational sense or match up with reality. Pointing out these discrepancies can lead to the truth.
Notice Insincere Emotions
Liars often overcompensate by acting more upset, angry or remorseful than feels genuine. When emotions seem exaggerated, dishonesty could be why. Some signs of insincere emotions:
- Expressions are intense rather than proportional to the situation
- Tone of voice sounds manufactured rather than authentic
- Behavior appears controlled rather than natural
- Language is dramatic and phony sounding
- Body language seems staged instead of spontaneous
Authentic emotions will seem appropriate to the scenario. But faked emotions may come across as too strong. Pay attention to inconsistencies between a man’s words, tone, and body language. If they don’t align, he’s likely pretending to feel something he doesn’t.
Notice When His Words & Actions Don’t Match
The old adage “actions speak louder than words” is especially true with lying. When a man’s words and actions contradict, it’s a clue he may be deceitful. For example:
- Says he wants to be committed but flirts with other women
- Claims the relationship is a priority but makes little time for you
- Insists he loves you but is emotionally distant
- Expresses interest but avoids commitment
Don’t just listen to what a man says – look at how he behaves. When words and deeds misalign, assume actions reflect the truth. Any declaration contradicted by his actual behavior is likely deceptive to some degree.
Consider Intuition & Past Patterns
When determining if a man is lying, don’t ignore your gut instincts. Human intuition evolved to quickly detect lying to avoid danger. If your intuition is screaming “lie,” listen to it. Here are other tips:
- Reflect on your intuitive sense of his words and behavior
- Think back to your experience with him – is he known to be dishonest?
- Recall any established patterns like only lying about certain topics
- Consider his reputation – is he known to be untrustworthy?
- Remember past instances when he lied to you
- Reflect on whether he seems to be the type likely to lie
While not foolproof, intuition provides useful information when evaluating truthfulness. Factor intuition in along with other behavioral signals. If his words set off warning bells, believe them.
Ask Direct Questions
If you suspect dishonesty, ask direct questions to elicit the truth. Open-ended questions force liars to think fast and lie more. For example:
- “What were you doing between 7-9pm last night?”
- “What exactly happened when you saw your ex?”
- “How do you know that person you were texting?”
Also watch eye contact, body language and speech patterns when asking probing questions. Inconsistency when answering follow-ups often betrays liars. If possible, fact check his responses against objective information like receipts or witnesses.
Look For Leakage In Facial Expressions
While liars try to conceal, their true emotions often leak out through fleeting facial expressions. Scientists call these “microexpressions.” Some common ones:
| Expression | Looks Like | Means |
|---|---|---|
| Anger | Flushed cheeks, pressed lips | Lying to hide misdeeds |
| Fear | Widened eyes, raised brows | Scared of being caught |
| Disgust | Wrinkled nose | Dislikes lying but does it anyway |
| Contempt | One side of mouth raised | Thinks they are smarter than you |
These expressions happen fast, so you must pay attention. If you see these when he’s supposed to be calm, it can signify lying.
Study His Overall Demeanor
Liars often betray themselves through their overall demeanor. Notice if he seems:
- Excessively friendly or charming – tries to influence you positively
- Confident and casual – works to appear at ease
- Cocky and unconcerned – acts like untouchable
- Defensive and indignant – gets angry when questioned
- Evasive or vague – dances around direct queries
All these behaviors help liars manage discomfort and plant false beliefs. Be alert for dramatic shifts in demeanor as well. The facade often slips when someone is lying.
Follow Your Intuition
After collecting evidence, follow your gut. Ask yourself:
- Does his story make sense and seem credible?
- Are his emotions consistent or contradictory?
- Is he reliable or known to lie?
- Are his words backed up by actions?
- Is he open and forthcoming or evasive when questioned?
Evaluate the balance of clues along with your intuitive sense. While not infallible, our instincts pick up on subtle cues that something is off. Don’t ignore them.
Confront Him
If convinced he’s lying, confront him directly but calmly. Point out the contradictions
you’ve noticed. Ask him to come clean and express how the lies impact you and the relationship. If he keeps lying or seems remorseless, strongly consider your deal breakers. Some lies like infidelity may mean ending things. But for less serious ones, counseling could help if he commits to more honesty.
Establish Consequences
To curb repeated lying, enact consequences. Calmly tell him that losing your trust means he loses privileges. For instance, lying could mean less access to your life, more accounting for his time or temporarily limiting communication. Only give second chances if he demonstrates understanding of the harm lying caused followed by a real change in behavior.
Seek Outside Perspective
Since deceit can warp thinking, get outside input. Confide in both a friend who knows the relationship and one with more distance. Hear their take on whether his words and actions seem credible versus deceitful. Having objective feedback helps ground your perceptions.
Reflect On Your Own Role
Also reflect on ways you may unconsciously incentivize lying. Do you overreact, lash out or shame when he tells uncomfortable truths? Do you demand full transparency concerning his life? Assess whether you sometimes punish honesty and reward omissions. If so, discuss creating a climate that makes him feel safer telling the truth.
Consider Counseling
If lying has become a pattern in your relationship, seek help. A counselor can get to the root causes and teach skills for more honest communication. With professional guidance, you can identify your own contributions while insisting he take responsibility. Over time, you can build a foundation of mutual trust and truthfulness.
In Summary…
Discerning lies requires paying attention to changes in speech, behavior, body language, and emotions. Look for contradictory facts and stories that don’t add up. While difficult to hear, it’s essential to confront chronic lying for the health of any relationship. With support, understanding, and firm boundaries, it is possible to cultivate more honesty.