Ending a relationship can be difficult for both parties involved. Even if the breakup was mutual, it’s normal to experience hurt feelings afterwards. Guys often don’t openly express their emotions, so it can be hard to tell if your ex is struggling after the split. Here are some signs that a guy is hurt after a breakup and advice on how to handle it gracefully.
He withdraws from communication
One of the most common signs a guy is hurt after a breakup is that he will withdraw from communication. He may stop responding to your texts and calls altogether, or reply with one-word answers after having long conversations before. This is a sign he is putting up an emotional wall in order to protect himself from further pain. Don’t take the withdrawal personally. Give him space and let him initiate contact when he is ready. Pushing for communication will only drive him further away.
His social media posts are depressed
Social media can provide a window into your ex’s inner emotional world after the breakup. If he starts posting sad song lyrics, heartbreak quotes, or vague complaints about love, it’s likely he is not handling the split well. Resist the urge to reach out right away. Let him work through his feelings on his own time. Offer support down the road once the initial hurt has diminished.
He stops caring about his appearance
When guys are feeling down, they may stop putting effort into their physical appearance. If your ex was always meticulous about grooming and clothing before, and now looks unkempt with poor hygiene habits, he is probably struggling with the breakup. Tread lightly here, as criticizing his appearance could make things worse. You can subtly encourage self-care by reminiscing about how he used to dress up, or complimenting him if he shows signs of improving.
His friends confirm he’s not doing well
If you have mutual friends with your ex, they may be able to provide some insight into how he is handling the breakup. Be careful about prying for too many details. But if your friends volunteer that your ex is really depressed about the split, it’s likely true. On the flip side, if your ex tells mutual friends the breakup was all your fault or spreads rumors about you, that is a sign he is hiding his hurt feelings behind anger and deflection.
He drunkenly reaches out to you
Some guys deal with painful emotions by drinking excessively. So if your ex who rarely drank before suddenly starts texting you late at night under the influence, it shows he is leaning on alcohol to numb his hurt over the breakup. Don’t engage too much with drunken communication, as he may not even remember it the next day. Let him know you care about his wellbeing, but won’t be conversing while he is intoxicated.
He acts jealous of you moving on
If your ex makes snippy comments about you going on dates with new guys or flirting with others, it points to underlying hurt feelings over the breakup. He likely still has unresolved emotions if he cannot handle you moving forward. Let him know you don’t wish to discuss your dating life, and wish him the best as well. His jealousy should fade once he properly processes the breakup.
He tries to make you jealous too
Similarly, your guy may try to provoke jealousy in you by bragging about attention from other girls or flaunting new flings. This screams that he is overcompensating to hide hurt. Don’t let it get to you – be happy he is seeking comfort. Make it clear you only want the best for him, but won’t discuss new partners. Kill his provocations with kindness.
He reminisces about your past together
When a guy brings up sweet memories of your past, cute things you used to do together, inside jokes only the two of you shared – it shows he misses what you had. Though reminiscing can be therapeutic, it can also prolong heartbreak by idealizing the relationship. Change the subject to the present if necessary. Say you want him to move forward, not stay stuck in the past.
He uses anger to cover up sadness
Some guys cope with breakups by directing anger at their ex. Starting fights, saying mean things, placing blame – these can all be signs of hurt that he is masking with aggression. Don’t retaliate or take it personally. State firmly but compassionately that you won’t tolerate mistreatment. Only discuss the issues when he can talk calmly. The anger often hides sadness underneath.
He desperately tries to get back together
When a guy proposes getting back together out of the blue, or bombards you with gifts and promises about how great things will be, it can be a red flag. These over-the-top gestures signal he is still deeply hurting from the breakup. Decline the gifts and let him down easy – getting back together should be a mutual decision, not a desperate plea. Offer to talk things over down the line in a calm state.
Conclusion
Breakups are hard on everyone involved. Guys may try to pretend they are fine, but often that is just a facade. Look for changes in communication, appearance, behavior and attitude that all point to him struggling with hurt feelings. Don’t judge him for how he grieves the relationship. Provide encouragement, compassion and space. With time, patience, and self-care, he will work through the pain and come out stronger.