Friendships are an important part of life. Having close friendships can provide happiness, support, fun and meaning. However, sometimes friendships fade over time for various reasons. Knowing when a friendship is no longer strong or is fading can be difficult to determine. There are some key signs and patterns to look out for that may indicate your friendship is not what it used to be. Being aware of these signs can help you take steps to try to rekindle the friendship, have an open conversation about the changes, or start to move on if needed.
Changes in Communication Frequency
One of the most common signs a friendship is fading is a change in how often you communicate or get together. Here are some communication patterns to look out for:
- You don’t chat, call or text as frequently as you used to
- One person doesn’t respond to messages as quickly or at all
- You’ve noticed your phone calls get shorter and shorter
- You or your friend cancel get-togethers more often
- You don’t have long, deep conversations like you used to
- Your interactions have become superficial and lacking in substance
If you feel like you’re always the one to reach out and initiate communication, this dynamic can also indicate a fading friendship. Healthy friendships are reciprocal, with both people making an effort to connect.
Lack of Investment in the Friendship
In addition to changes in communication, you may also notice differences in how invested your friend seems to be in maintaining and nurturing your friendship:
- They seem uninterested when you talk and share about your life
- They don’t remember or ask about important things happening for you
- They don’t make an effort to include you or do things together
- They decline invitations to get together more frequently
- They forget important dates like your birthday
- Conversations always center around them and they don’t ask about you
This lack of interest or investment in the friendship bond is a sign it has weakened over time. Healthy friendships involve genuine curiosity and caring between both people.
Changes in Trust and Reliability
Another sign of a fading friendship is when the level of trust and reliability changes between you and your friend. For example:
- They share things you told them in confidence with others
- You hesitate to open up or be vulnerable with them now
- They frequently break or cancel plans at the last minute
- When you need support, they are not there for you
- You feel hesitant to ask them for help like you used to
Without mutual trust and being able to count on each other, a friendship will start to deteriorate. This becomes evident when you no longer feel comfortable sharing secrets or seeking support during difficult times.
Lack of Positivity
Healthy friendships uplift you and make you feel supported. When a friendship starts to fade, you may notice more negativity when you interact or even feelings of jealousy, resentment or competitiveness. Some signs of a lack of positivity include:
- Your conversations leave you feeling drained or bad about yourself
- They criticize you more or compete with you rather than celebrate your successes
- When you talk about good things happening for you, they change the subject or don’t seem happy for you
- There is a lot of gossiping, drama or toxic behavior
- You find yourself feeling worse after spending time together
This erosion of positive regard is a clear indicator the friendship has taken an unhealthy turn and is declining.
Differing Values and Interests
As people grow and change over time, they can naturally start to develop different priorities, values and interests. When this happens substantially between two friends, it can start to create distance in the friendship. Some examples include:
- You don’t share the same sense of humor anymore
- Your personalities, outlooks or communication styles no longer mesh well
- You don’t enjoy the same activities anymore
- You have diverging moral values or political beliefs
- You are in very different life stages like having kids versus remaining single
When such changes accumulate, you may find you no longer click as well as friends. Having less in common can diminish closeness.
Interactions Feel Forced
As a friendship starts to fade, your interactions together may start to feel draining, negative or forced. Some signs of this include:
- You feel bored together more often
- Silences feel awkward versus comfortable
- You run out of things to talk about
- Hanging out feels like a chore versus enjoyable quality time
- You struggle to be authentic and relax together
- You find yourself constantly looking at your phone or checking the time when together
When the friendship spark is no longer there, you’ll notice and feel it. Forcing interactions will just exacerbate frustrations.
Frequent Conflicts and Irritations
More disagreements, conflicts and irritation with each other can signal a friendship is starting to unravel. Signs of this include:
- You bicker or argue a lot more often
- Little things they do start to annoy or frustrate you more easily
- You feel increasingly judgmental toward them
- You find yourself often feeling angry or resentful after interacting
- There is unresolved tension or passive aggressiveness between you
When a friendship starts to deteriorate, sensitivity toward each other usually declines as well. This allows small issues to turn into major irritations that can damage the friendship further.
Pulling Away from Each Other’s Lives
As a friendship fades, you may notice a mutual pulling away from each other’s lives. For instance:
- You aren’t introduced to new friends, coworkers or significant others anymore
- You aren’t invited to important events like birthdays or weddings
- They connect with you less on social media by liking or commenting less
- They leave you out of fun activities, group chats, parties or events
This type of social neglect is very apparent. It clearly shows the diminished role you now play in that person’s life.
Holding onto the Friendship Feels Like an Obligation
A definite sign a friendship has faded is if spending time together feels like an obligation versus a joy. You may notice:
- You accept invitations or initiate plans out of guilt versus a genuine desire to see them
- You feel relieved when plans fall through rather than disappointed
- Staying friends feels like something you “should” do based on history, not a mutual desire
- You find yourself making excuses to avoid interacting
When the friendship keeps going just for the sake of the past, it prevents you from opening up to new and better suited friendships.
Reflection Questions to Ask Yourself
If you are noticing some of these signs and patterns, it can help to reflect more deeply on the state of the friendship and how you feel. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Do I feel energized and happy after spending time with this person?
- Do I feel less judgment and more acceptance for who I am?
- Do I feel safe opening up and sharing things?
- Do I feel valued, respected and cared about?
- Are we able to communicate openly, resolve conflicts and forgive each other?
- Do we share similar values, senses of humor and communication styles?
- Is there an emotional closeness and ability to pick up where we left off even after not talking for a while?
Take time to reflect honestly about these aspects of healthy friendships. If the answer to most of these questions is no, it’s a clear sign this friendship has faded and may need to be re-evaluated.
How to Cope When a Friendship Is Fading
Realizing a friendship is declining can be a difficult realization. Here are some tips for coping:
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions – grief, anger, disappointment
- Avoid lashing out at the other person
- Don’t blame yourself – friendships change naturally
- Reflect on the positives this friendship brought to your life
- Shift focus to nurturing other relationships that uplift you now
- Create space from this friendship if needed – you don’t have to formally end it but you can pull back
- Be open to starting new friendships – look for social groups and activities you enjoy
- Consider if the friendship is salvageable and worth the effort to rekindle
Although painful, fading friendships open you up to learn and grow. You now better know the qualities important to you in nurturing healthy friendships long-term.
Ways to Try to Reignite a Fading Friendship
If you conclude the friendship is important enough to try to revitalize, there are some steps you can take:
- Reflect on when the changes started – was there a specific conflict, event or period of growing distant?
- Request to meet in person – don’t just text or chat online which is less personal
- Have an open, non-judgmental talk about how your friendship has changed
- Listen to their perspective and feelings to better understand
- Share your observations using “I feel…” statements
- Avoid placing blame – focus on how to go forward
- Brainstorm activities you would both enjoy doing together
- Agree to check in more often even if just a text or short call
- Make spending time together a priority again
- Suggest counseling if major trust issues or conflicts arose
- Be patient – friendships take time to restore
With effort from both people, friendships can often be repaired and restored. But you have to carefully maintain them and keep nurturing the connection.
Signs It May Be Time to Let Go
Despite your best efforts, the friendship may continue to decline. Some signs it may be time to let it go:
- Your efforts are one-sided and not reciprocated
- Talking about the issues leads to repeated conflict or denial
- Time together feels draining or negative consistently
- You spend more time venting about this friendship to others
- The trust is completely eroded – you can’t share openly anymore
- Your values and interests no longer align at all
- The friendship causes anxiety or emotional distress
At a certain point, you may need to step back and prioritize your own well-being if attempts to improve the friendship fail. Letting go can allow you both to find more compatible friendships.
How to Slowly End a Friendship
If necessary, there are some thoughtful ways to gradually phase out a faded friendship:
- Pull back from initiating contact without formally stating your intentions – let the natural distance build
- Decline invitations more frequently and suggest getting together “soon” without making definite plans
- Keep conversations brief and superficial rather than delving into deeper life updates
- Spend more time nurturing other friendships and making yourself less available
- If asked directly, you can say something like “It seems our friendship has been changing and I think we need a little space”
- Unfollow or mute them on social media so you gradually have less contact
Allow the friendship to naturally fade out over time without an abrupt or dramatic end. Cherish the good times you shared.
Making New Friends to Move Forward
An important part of coping with faded friendships you can’t revive is filling your life with new social connections. Here are some tips:
- Make a list of your interests and activities you enjoy – brainstorm groups related to these to join
- Look online and in local listings for clubs, classes and meetups that appeal to you
- Ask current friends to introduce you to new people with shared interests
- Say yes to more social invitations even if it’s out of your comfort zone
- Reach out and make plans with acquaintances you would like to know better
- Offer support and be a good listener when meeting new people
- Join a gym, religious group, volunteer program or take a class
- Create your own gatherings like dinners, game nights or outings for people to meet
- Avoid over-isolating as you process the faded friendship
Nurturing new connections and friendships can help fill the void left behind.
Signs of Healthy Friendships Worth Cultivating
As old friendships fade, be sure to look for these key signs when establishing new bonds and connections:
- You feel energized after spending time together
- You share a similar sense of humor and can be silly together
- Conversation feels easy, open and judgement-free
- You have mutual interests and share inspiring goals
- They celebrate your successes and you feel happy for them as well
- You feel safe opening up to each other and being vulnerable
- You can give each other thoughtful feedback to grow and improve
- The connection feels positive and uplifting overall
Invest your time and energy into cultivating friendships that help you enjoy life and become your best self.
Conclusion
The fading of a close friendship can be difficult, but is often a natural part of life. Paying attention to changes in your communication, positivity of interactions, trust levels and shared interests can help reveal when a bond is starting to weaken. With some reflection, you can take steps to try to repair the friendship or start to let it go. Focus on personal growth, filling your life with new social connections and nurturing relationships that feel healthy and uplifting. Trust you will form meaningful new friendships as old ones fade away.