Lying can be an uncomfortable experience for many people. Though some are able to lie with ease, most people experience some negative emotions when they intentionally deceive others. Understanding how liars feel can provide insight into the psychology behind lying.
Guilt
One of the most common feelings experienced by liars is guilt. The act of lying violates social norms of honesty and can make people feel they have done something wrong. Even if the lie is told for a perceived greater good, the liar may still feel pangs of guilt over misleading others. This guilt can manifest as uneasiness, regret, or shame.
Studies have found that the more serious the lie, the greater feelings of guilt are likely to be. Lies that have major consequences or that exploit trusting relationships often produce intense guilt. Minor white lies generate less, but lying is still psychologically uncomfortable for most.
Fear
Another prevalent emotion among liars is fear. Specifically, liars are afraid of getting caught and facing repercussions. The greater the risk of negative consequences if the deception is discovered, the more fear a liar is likely to feel.
Liars may obsess over the possibility of a slip-up that exposes their dishonesty. They may carefully monitor their words and actions around those they have lied to in hopes of avoiding detection. The mental strain of maintaining a façade can build fear and anxiety in liars over time.
Excitement
For some liars, the deception itself can produce a rush of excitement. The thrill comes from pulling off the lie successfully – getting away with something forbidden. Pathological liars may find the manipulation involved in lying exhilarating.
Additionally, liars may experience excitement if the lie gains them something desirable. If the lie enables them to impress others, achieve status, or access rewards, the excitement of benefiting can tempt people to lie.
Indifference
Though lying often generates emotional distress, some liars feel indifferent about their deceptions. For habitual liars, deception may occur so frequently that any moral qualms or fear of consequences ceases to register. The act becomes so routine and reflexive that it creates little angst.
Others may rationalize their lies, believing they are justified for the greater good. Political leaders, CEOs and others in power may tell lies they feel serve a purpose, muting any guilty feelings. Personality also plays a role, with more manipulative personalities less troubled by falsehoods.
Nervousness
Many liars display signs of nervousness, particularly when actively engaged in the deception. Anxiety, stammering, fidgeting, and avoiding eye contact are some giveaways.
Maintaining a lie causes liars to expend mental energy monitoring their actions and words. This can manifest physically through nervous ticks or blunders. Skilled liars may be able to conceal their unease better than others. But lying still requires hard cognitive work that can make displaying nerves difficult to suppress.
Loneliness
Lying can breed feelings of loneliness. Maintaining false personas isolates liars from those around them. They are unable to form authentic connections, always hiding behind dishonest exteriors. The loneliness may inspire further lying to win acceptance and admiration.
Being caught lying also leads to social alienation and loneliness. Once exposed, liars are rarely trusted again. Friends and family members may cut ties. Co-workers may avoid the liar. This loss of social bonds can make coming clean an unappealing option for liars, perpetuating the deception.
Cognitive Dissonance
Deceiving others often conflicts with how liars see themselves. Most people perceive themselves as honest, trustworthy people. Lying creates cognitive dissonance between this positive self-image and their dishonest behaviors.
To relieve this mental tension, liars may rationalize their lies or develop justifications. They may also seek to escape the company of those they lied to avoid facing their hypocrisy. Other times, they simply learn to accept an identity split between public lies and private truths.
Confidence
For seasoned liars, deception can breed feelings of intellectual superiority. Successfully duping others can engender a sense of power and control. Liars may come to see themselves as masters of manipulation that can fool anyone.
This confidence allows them to lie fluidly without hesitation or obvious signs of distress. However, it can also lead to carelessness and arrogance that ultimately exposes the deception. Overconfidence in their skills can blunt liars’ judgement of what lies they can plausibly get away with.
How Guilt Impacts Liars
Guilt is one of the most prominent and researched emotional consequences of lying. Studies consistently show that unless psychopathic or narcissistic, most liars do feel guilty about their deceptions. Here is a closer look at how different aspects of guilt affect those who lie:
Moral Reasoning
Individuals with more developed moral reasoning and concern for others generally feel greater guilt over lying. Those with higher cognitive empathy are not as skilled at rationalizing away lies and experience emotional turmoil.
Fear of Punishment
Anticipating punishment plays a significant role in guilt. Liars feel greater guilt when there is a strong possibility their lie will be discovered and they will face negative repercussions.
Social Relationships
Lying elicits more guilt when it betrays close interpersonal bonds. Deceiving family, friends and romantic partners causes more distress than lying to co-workers and strangers.
Personality
Liars high in neuroticism experience greater guilt. They ruminate over their actions and berate themselves when using deception. More anxious personalities feel guilty easily.
Age
Younger liars often feel less guilt than older ones. As people age, perspective taking improves along with concern over morality. Teenagers lie frequently with minimal guilt.
In some cases, guilt over lying can become almost debilitating. Chronic liars may be so consumed by remorse and self-loathing that coming clean feels impossible. They become trapped in cycles of deception driven by a quest for escapism from their guilt.
Short and Long Term Impacts of Lying
Lying has both immediate, short-term emotional impacts as well as long-term psychological consequences.
Immediate Effects
– Nervousness
– Fear of getting caught
– Excitement from success
– Guilt
Short Term Effects
– Paranoia about maintaining the lie
– Isolation from having a secret
– Hyper-vigilance to remain consistent
– Obsessing over possible mistakes
Long Term Effects
– Damaged relationships when exposed
– Loss of self-esteem from hypocrisy
– Cynicism about human nature
– Barriers to intimacy and trust
The negative psychological effects of lying tend to compound over the long-term. One lie often leads to more lies to maintain a façade, creating a cycle of deception that becomes a cognitive burden. Successful life-long liars rationalize, compartmentalize or block out associated guilt and fear in order to function.
Do the Ends Justify the Means of Lying?
Whether lying can ever be justified morally is a matter of much ethical debate. Some argue that if lying achieves a greater good, then it is excusable. Others contend that deception is never acceptable even if the aims are noble. Here are common examples of “justified” lies and arguments for and against them:
White Lies
White lies are minor lies told to spare someone’s feelings or avoid trouble. Examples include:
– Saying a gift you disliked is great
– Calling in sick when needing a mental health day
Arguments For: White lies are harmless and promote social cohesion.
Arguments Against: Lying should be avoided as a matter of principle. Tell the truth tactfully.
Noble Cause Corruption
Law enforcement lying to suspects to gain information and “take down” criminals. Other situations could include leaders lying to the public to avoid mass panic.
Arguments For: Lying brings about a greater good of catching criminals and maintaining order.
Arguments Against: Upholding morality is more important than outcomes. Sanctioning some lies leads to bigger lies.
Big Lies
Major deceptions like leaders lying about policy, companies covering up misdeeds, or spouses hiding betrayals.
Arguments For: Avoiding disastrous consequences can necessitate major lies.
Arguments Against: Major lies undermine ethics and breed public cynicism, apathy, and hostility that causes long-term harm.
There are good-faith arguments on both sides of this issue. Some contend strict honesty is always called for. Others argue situational ethics apply. Much depends on a person’s moral philosophy.
How Often Do People Lie?
Studies show that lying is surprisingly common in everyday life. Though hard statistics are difficult given people’s reluctance to admit deceit, research indicates most people lie on a daily basis:
- On average, Americans tell 1-2 lies per day.
- Other studies show people lie in 1 out of every 5 interactions.
- Lying peaks in early and middle adulthood when competing for careers and relationships.
- Men report telling more self-centered lies boosting themselves. Women tell more “other-oriented” lies to protect others’ feelings.
- About half of lies are told for psychological reasons, often making one feel better about themselves.
- The other half are told to gain a concrete advantage or avoid punishment.
Much lying centers around exaggerating oneself positively. But people also frequently omit, distort, and fabricate facts about all facets of life. While most lies are minor, the commonness of lying presents ethical quandaries about its acceptability.
Do Liars Fool Themselves?
An interesting psychological question is whether liars deceive just others or themselves as well. Research shows that over time, deceivers do start to believe their own lies through a process called “self-deception.”
Reasons liars fool themselves:
- Avoiding cognitive dissonance – their actions and self-concept are at odds.
- Blurring fiction and reality to create authenticity.
- Gradually forgetting truth as lie is often repeated.
- Self-serving bias makes believing the lie more comfortable.
- Boosts their ability to deceive through conviction.
Habitual liars may not even consciously remember what is a lie versus the truth anymore. Their minds obscure real memories to replace them with false ones. While lies can start consciously, self-deception causes the deceiver to buy into their own untruths over time.
Pathological Liars
While most people tell lies circumstantially, pathological liars lie compulsively. About 2-4% of the population are thought to meet criteria for pathological lying. Features include:
- Lying regularly and habitually, almost daily.
- Lying for no clear reason or gain.
- Telling elaborate, implausible lies.
- May believe their own lies through self-deception.
- Usually tied to psychiatric disorders like psychopathy.
- Causes significant harm to themselves and others.
Pathological lying has links to personality disorders like narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and histrionic disorder. Compulsive liars differ from habitual ones in that their deception is not just frequent but ingrained and senseless. There is often a blurring of reality, fantasy, and deception that even the liar struggles to differentiate.
Prognosis for Chronic Liars
Can pathological liars reform themselves and return to honesty? Stopping the habitual lying cycle proves extremely challenging. The best chances come through serious intervention methods:
Psychotherapy
Counseling focused on uncovering the root causes of their compulsive lying can provide insights. But progress requires acknowledging the problem and a willingness to change.
Medication
Medications may help accompanying psychiatric disorders contributing to pathological lying like anxiety, depression, and personality disorders. But medication alone cannot force honesty.
Support Groups
Joining support groups tailored to recovering liars provides community, accountability, and coping strategies. Being around others struggling with the same issues can motivate change.
Reputation Rehabilitation
Admitting past lies and actively trying to make amends can slowly demonstrate reform. However, many relationships will remain fractured from extensive deception.
With dedicated personal commitment and professional treatment, redemption may be possible for some pathological liars. But ingrained dishonesty often proves extremely resistant to change. The compulsion to lie may remain unless the root internal issues driving it are resolved.
Ways to Spot Liars
Because lying is so prevalent, it is useful to know how to detect when someone is being deceitful. No technique is foolproof, but here are some common signs that suggest a lie:
- Avoiding eye contact, eye movements shifting away.
- Choppy, halting speech patterns and hesitations.
- Incongruence between facial expressions and words.
- Covering parts of face like eyes or mouth.
- Qualifying language and vague descriptions.
- Defensiveness when questioned.
- Excess fidgeting, leg jiggling, playing with objects.
- Oversharing unsolicited, irrelevant information.
Subtle body language cues like facial tics and nervous gestures provide important clues about veracity. Speech patterns too can signal fabrication, with more pauses and self-editing. While detecting lies remains challenging, following instincts and looking for clusters of signs can help discern truth from deception.
Conclusion
Lying elicits a wide array of emotions in those that perpetrate it. Guilt and fear are most common, but excitement, confidence, and indifference also manifest at times. Chronic lying often leads to increasing levels of discomfort over time as it damages relationships and self-image. For pathological liars, the lying cycle can feel inescapable without intensive treatment and accountability. Lying is one of the most common human behaviors, yet conceals a tangled web of psychological complexity behind its surface deception.