What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. The term originated from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to convince his wife that she is insane by dimming the gaslights in their home and then denying that the lights changed when she points it out. The wife repeatedly questions her own sanity as the husband systematically gains power and control.
In the workplace, gaslighting can occur when a superior does or says things and then denies it ever happened. The goal is to destabilize the target’s sense of reality and make them second-guess themselves. Over time, the target may begin to feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust their own judgement and capabilities.
Common gaslighting techniques used by bosses
- Lying and denying. The boss might make a critical or belittling comment and then insist they never said it. They may accuse the employee of being too sensitive or imagining things.
- Contradicting and flip-flopping. The boss may change their story or opinion frequently. For example, they might give an assignment and then criticize the employee for not doing it differently.
- Discrediting. The boss questions the employee’s memory in an attempt to plant seeds of doubt. They might say things like “That’s not how I remember it” or “Are you sure? I don’t think that ever happened.”
- Misdirection and deflection. If confronted, the boss will adamantly deny claims of abuse and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. They may start asking questions to keep the employee off-balance.
- Projecting blame. The boss shifts responsibility for the situation onto the employee. They might say “You must have misunderstood me” or claim the employee is distorting things for some nefarious reason.
Why do bosses gaslight employees?
There are several potential motivations for a superior to gaslight their staff:
To avoid accountability
Gaslighting can be an effective way for bosses to avoid taking responsibility for their words or actions. When an employee questions their behavior, the gaslighter tries to evade blame by denying, minimizing, and confusing the other person. They may justify their actions by claiming the employee is at fault or too incompetent to know what really happened.
To conceal wrongdoing
Managers who engage in unethical or illegal activities may gaslight employees to cover up misconduct. This could involve falsifying documents, misrepresenting financials, or pressuring staff to violate regulations. When employees get close to uncovering the truth, the boss uses gaslighting techniques to instill doubt and confusion.
To maintain a positive public image
Abusive bosses are adept at cultivating a likable, professional external persona while mistreating staff behind closed doors. Gaslighting helps conceal their toxic behavior from public view. Employees who speak up may be silenced or discredited through gaslighting counter-accusations.
To undermine the employee’s confidence
Gaslighting has the insidious effect of making victims question themselves, their capabilities, and their perception of reality. For manipulative bosses, this serves as a powerful way to undermine employees’ confidence and consolidate power. The more staff doubt themselves, the more control the boss has over them.
Examples of gaslighting bosses
Here are some fictional examples of how a manager might gaslight their employee:
Denying giving instructions
John works on a project for his boss John mistakes or misinterprets the instructions, leading to a poor outcome. When he goes to his boss confused, she denies ever giving those instructions in the first place.
John is positive that’s what she told him to do but starts second-guessing himself under her adamant denials. He wonders if he misunderstood or imagined the whole thing.
Sabotaging and blaming
Lisa’s boss Roger is threatened by her talent and competence at work. He secretly deletes important emails Lisa needs to do her job effectively. When things go wrong, he publicly blames her for being incompetent and forgetful.
Lisa knows she never received the emails and suspects Roger deleted them. But when she approaches him, he calls her paranoid and irresponsible for making up lies rather than owning up to her mistakes.
Inconsistent treatment and expectations
One week, Alex receives glowing praise and feedback from his manager on a project. The next week, the same manager picks apart the project and criticizes Alex for not meeting expectations.
When Alex asks about the mixed messages, his boss accuses him of being defensive and unable to handle feedback. Alex starts to mistrust his own performance because of the flip-flopping assessments.
Denying promises
Sandra’s manager promises her a promotion by the end of the year in exchange for taking on more responsibilities. Later, when she asks about the promotion, he denies ever discussing or promising it.
No matter how much she protests, he insists she misunderstood him or heard what she wanted to hear. Sandra starts to doubt herself and wonders if the promotion was just wishful thinking.
What are signs of being gaslighted by your boss?
If you recognize these warning signs, you may be the victim of gaslighting:
- You constantly second-guess yourself at work
- You feel confused and disoriented after meetings with your boss
- You apologize frequently to your boss, even when you don’t know what you did wrong
- You have trouble making simple decisions
- You feel increasingly dependent on your boss’s approval and direction
- You used to be confident at work, but now constantly doubt yourself
- You feel like you can’t do anything right no matter how hard you try
- You used to be able to trust your memory, but now question your perceptions and version of events
- There are discrepancies between your boss’s public persona and how they treat you
Research shows that targets of chronic gaslighting often develop anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The lies, denial, blame, and second-guessing corrode self-esteem and mental health over time.
What can you do if you are being gaslighted at work?
There are ways to respond if you feel you are the victim of workplace gaslighting:
1. Trust your instincts
The first step is tuning into your intuition. If someone repeatedly makes you feel unstable, confused, and self-doubting, that is often a red flag of gaslighting. Do not dismiss what your gut is telling you.
2. Document everything
Keep a detailed log of incidents when you feel manipulated or confused by what your boss said or did. This could include emails, texts, meeting notes, or a personal journal. Documentation can help reveal patterns and combat denials.
3. Seek support
Talk to people you trust – friends, family, co-workers, a therapist, etc. Getting an outside perspective provides validation. You need allies to strengthen your sense of reality against the gaslighting.
4. Set firm boundaries
Make it clear you will not tolerate lies, abuse or manipulation. Speak up in the moment when something feels wrong. Be specific about what behaviors are unacceptable. Stick to the facts.
5. Care for your mental health
Practice regular self-care to reduce the gaslighting damage. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and do relaxing activities. Seek counseling if you have symptoms of anxiety or depression.
6. Collect evidence and file complaints
For severe or abusive situations, it may be necessary to lodge formal grievances with HR or management. Having documentation and concrete examples will bolster your case if legal action becomes necessary.
How can organizations prevent gaslighting?
In addition to individual responses, organizations play a critical role in preventing workplace gaslighting:
- Implement strong anti-bullying and anti-harassment policies
- Provide training to help managers recognize manipulative behaviors
- Have independent HR departments that will fairly investigate reports
- Instill a culture where everyone is accountable for their conduct
- Facilitate open communication and feedback between staff and leadership
- Offer counseling services to assist employees experiencing abuse
- Take all allegations seriously and follow through on consequences
- Protect whistleblowers from retaliation
- Conduct anonymous staff surveys to uncover toxic dynamics
Without systemic changes, abusive and manipulative managers can continue gaslighting individuals. A climate of transparency, trust, and accountability is critical for protecting employees.
Conclusion
Gaslighting by an authoritarian boss can leave employees feeling confused, anxious, and unable to perform at their full potential. By undermining people’s sense of reality, gaslighters exert control and avoid accountability. Targets may begin doubting themselves and their capabilities.
But there are ways for employees to respond, especially by trusting their own experience, keeping documentation, and seeking support. Organizations also need strong policies and culture changes to prevent workplace gaslighting in the first place. With vigilance and courage, the truth can be brought to light.