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How can a guy be toxic?

What is toxic masculinity?

Toxic masculinity refers to harmful cultural stereotypes that promote regressive ideals of manhood. It includes beliefs that men should be dominant, aggressive, stoic, and avoid any signs of weakness or femininity. This leads to suppressing emotions, disregard for women and LGBTQ people, and using violence or control to prove manhood. Overall, toxic masculinity encourages narrow, rigid gender roles that harm men and society.

Why do some men behave this way?

There are several reasons why some men adopt toxic attitudes and behaviors:

Culture and upbringing

Boys often learn toxic masculinity from an early age through social conditioning. Traditional ideals of manhood get reinforced through parents, media, peers, and role models. This teaches boys to “man up” by avoiding emotions, dominance, and disrespect for women.

Insecurity

Some men feel the need to overly assert their manhood due to insecurities about masculinity. Things like small stature, lack of physical prowess, or worries about sexual performance can fuel this. Toxic masculinity provides an over-compensation.

Lack of positive male role models

Boys with absent or negative fathers often adopt hypermasculine attitudes in search of male identity or approval. They mimic qualities like aggression or lack of empathy exhibited by male figures.

Peer pressure

Among male social circles, there is often pressure to prove manhood and gain respect through risky, dominant behaviors. Things like physical confrontations, sexual conquests, and emotional repression get encouraged.

Patriarchal systems

Societal structures and institutions that promote male power and privilege reinforce toxic masculinity. Men get conditioned to view women as inferior and see violence as an acceptable tool for control.

How does toxic masculinity manifest?

There are many harmful ways that toxic masculinity shows up in men’s attitudes and actions:

Sexism and misogyny

Viewing women as inferior, as sex objects, or with contempt are common toxic masculine behaviors. Things like gender-based harassment, intimate partner violence, and dismissing women’s opinions all stem from misogyny.

Homophobia

Toxic masculinity fuels homophobia through the idea that being gay makes a man somehow less of a man. This leads to things like using anti-gay slurs, bullying LGBTQ individuals, and anger around displays of affection between men.

Suppressing emotions

The idea that men should be stoic and avoid perceived “weak” emotions leads to poor mental health. Toxic masculinity encourages men to suppress feelings like sadness, fear, and stress rather than express themselves.

Risk-taking and violence

In an effort to prove one’s manhood, some men engage in dangerous thrill-seeking behaviors or physical confrontations. Things like reckless driving, binge drinking, and picking fights flow from toxic masculine norms.

Refusing to ask for help

Admitting vulnerability or relying on others gets seen as feminine and shameful. As a result, men influenced by toxic masculinity often refuse to seek help, admit mistakes, or accept assistance even when needed.

Objectifying or degradation of women

Sexist attitudes in toxic masculinity lead to men viewing women as objects for male pleasure. This fuels trends like catcalling, sexual harassment, and consuming pornography that degrades or dehumanizes women.

Disregarding consent

Believing that men should be dominant and powerful fuels nonconsensual behaviors. Toxic masculinity promotes persistent sexual advances, coercion, and ignoring a lack of consent from women.

What are the impacts?

The rigid rules of manhood that come with toxic masculinity have many detrimental effects:

Harm to women

Sexist attitudes, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, and consent violations are direct results of toxic masculinity that cause women physical and psychological harm. Women’s professional opportunities and personal safety get threatened.

Increased violence

The emphasis on male power, aggression and viewing violence as manly cause increases in violent crimes, gang participation, sexual assault, and violent homophobic attacks.

LGBTQ discrimination

Toxic masculinity fuels homophobia through gay men being seen as lesser and unmanly. This attitude leads to things like employment and housing discrimination, bullying, and violent hate crimes against LGBTQ people.

Poor male mental health

Acting tough and stoic leads men to repress emotions, isolate themselves, and avoid seeking psychological help when needed. This results in increased rates of issues like depression, substance abuse, and suicide.

Distrust of women’s rights

The assumption of male superiority fosters opposition to women’s rights issues. Things like equal pay, reproductive rights, and affirmative action get seen as threatening male hierarchy and power.

Health risks

An emphasis on strength and toughness causes men to engage in risker behaviors. They are more likely to partake in unsafe sex, dangerous driving, excessive drinking, and avoiding healthcare. This results in higher rates of injury, STDs, accidents, and conditions like heart disease.

Less intimate relationships

Difficulty expressing feelings or vulnerability due to toxic masculinity norms can negatively impact men’s relationships. Partners often feel disconnected and unable to experience true intimacy and bonding.

Fatherhood struggles

Belief in strict gender roles can also cause challenges in parenting. Fathers influenced by toxic masculinity tend to use more punitive discipline, discourage emotional expression in sons, and avoid affection with children.

How can men counteract toxic attitudes?

There are several ways men can strive to avoid and prevent the harm caused by toxic masculinity:

Examine your own biases

Reflect on subtle prejudices or preconceptions you might hold around masculinity and gender roles. Strive to catch and correct automatic judgments when they arise.

Speak up against sexism

If you witness others making misogynistic jokes or comments, it’s important to say something rather than staying silent. Seek to educate and promote more respect.

Embrace healthy displays of emotion

Work on freely expressing feelings like sadness, affection, and vulnerability. Allow yourself to seek support from loved ones during difficult times without shame.

Respect women as equals

Make sure to listen to, elevate, and valorize the perspectives and abilities of the women in your life. Support promoting women into positions of influence and leadership.

Expand definitions of masculinity

Strive to demonstrate that qualities like compassion, creativity, and sensitivity are just as valuable for men to embody as traditionally “masculine” traits.

Become an active bystander

When you observe other men making inappropriate sexual advances, acting aggressively, or disregarding consent, speak up. Make it clear these behaviors are unacceptable.

Help other men open up

If male friends or family seem emotionally reserved, gently encourage them to share feelings and provide reassurance that doing so doesn’t make them weak.

Examine media’s influence

Notice how rigid gender roles and representations of masculinity get promoted across media. Point them out and encourage more positive male portrayals in entertainment.

Conclusion

Toxic masculinity refers to cultural norms and stereotypes that fuel regressive male attitudes and harmful behaviors. It promotes dominance, aggression, and sexism in an effort to prove manhood. While influenced by upbringing and insecurity, it leads to consequences like increased violence, poorer mental health, and strained relationships. Men can counteract these effects by modeling more positive behavior themselves, speaking up, and embracing diverse expressions of masculinity. Promoting such cultural change and expanding gender norms will allow both men and society as a whole to thrive.