When you’re getting to know someone new, it can sometimes feel like you’re receiving mixed signals about their level of interest. One day they seem super into you, and the next it’s like you barely exist. So what gives? Do mixed signals automatically equal not interested? Let’s break it down.
What are mixed signals?
Mixed signals occur when someone’s words and actions send conflicting messages about how they really feel. For example:
- They act flirtatious around you, but don’t respond to your texts
- They say they want to hang out, but always seem to be busy
- They initiate thoughtful conversations, but never want to commit to plans
When you add it all up, it leaves you confused as to whether this person actually wants to pursue something more with you or not.
Why do people send mixed signals?
There are a few common reasons someone might send mixed signals:
- They’re on the fence about you. They find you intriguing, but aren’t fully sold yet.
- They like the attention. They enjoy feeling wanted, even if the interest isn’t totally mutual.
- They’re afraid of vulnerability. They want to connect but get scared and pull back.
- They’re not that interested. They don’t want to hurt your feelings with an outright rejection.
How to respond to mixed signals
If you’re on the receiving end of mixed signals, it’s confusing and frustrating. Here are some tips for handling it:
- Don’t make assumptions. Don’t read into every little thing – take each interaction at face value.
- Pay attention to patterns. Look at their overall behavior to get a sense of their true intentions.
- Communicate. Have an open, honest conversation about where things stand.
- Set boundaries. Be clear about what you want and what you won’t tolerate.
- Focus on yourself. Don’t get so caught up that you lose perspective.
Signs they’re just not that into you
While mixed signals can sometimes mean a person is still deciding how they feel, other times it’s a sign they’re just not super interested. Here are some clues that someone’s lukewarm feelings are the culprit behind their confusing behavior:
- They’re often too busy to see you, but active on social media
- They frequently break or cancel plans
- Conversations are superficial and one-sided
- They don’t open up or ask you personal questions
- Physical intimacy doesn’t progress beyond a certain point
- You’re always the one initiating contact
Should you keep pursuing them?
If you really like this person, it’s natural to want to keep pursuing things in the hopes that they’ll come around. But how long should you hold on before calling it quits? Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- How long has this been going on? Weeks? Months?
- Have you communicated your feelings and needs? Were they receptive?
- Do you feel anxious or sad after your interactions?
- Are you making excuses for their behavior?
- Could you be happy keeping things casual and undefined?
Pay attention to how the situation is impacting your self-esteem. You deserve someone who’s excited to be with you! If there’s no progression after a reasonable amount of time, it may be healthiest to move on.
How to move on from mixed signals
Ending the back-and-forth of mixed signals can be hard, but liberating. Here are some ways to move forward:
- Cut contact for a while, at least until you regain perspective.
- Remove them from social media to avoid obsessing.
- Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good.
- Pick up a new hobby or make new goals for yourself.
- Allow yourself to feel what you need to – sadness, anger, relief.
- When ready, get back out there and date others!
The takeaway on mixed signals
At the end of the day, the mixed signals this person is sending are preventing you from gaining clarity about the relationship. You deserve more than breadcrumbs of attention and inconsistent behavior. Unless they’re able to communicate their feelings and intentions clearly, free yourself from the drama and move on to find someone who proudly wants to be with you.