Going no contact with a narcissist can be an emotionally difficult decision. You may have invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship before realizing your partner is a narcissist. After going no contact, it’s normal to wonder if your ex is missing you and wants you back.
What is no contact with a narcissist?
No contact means completely cutting off all communication with a narcissistic partner. This includes:
- Blocking their number and social media accounts
- Avoiding places they frequent
- Not responding if they contact you
- Refraining from viewing their social media
- Asking mutual friends not to pass along messages
The goal is to remove the narcissist from your life entirely. This gives you space to process the relationship and prevent further manipulation or abuse.
Do narcissists miss you after no contact?
Narcissists generally don’t miss their partners in the same way someone with empathy would. Their reasons for missing an ex often stem from narcissistic needs:
- Loss of control: They miss the power and control they had over you in the relationship.
- Loss of supply: They miss the constant praise, attention, and validation you provided.
- Blow to their ego: Being left hurts their self-image of being superior.
In essence, they miss what you provided them or how you made them feel. They don’t necessarily miss you as a person.
Signs a narcissist misses you
Since narcissists see relationships through a lens of self-interest, their behavior when missing an ex partner can seem contradictory:
| Signs They Miss You | What it Really Means |
|---|---|
| They try to re-establish contact | They want control back |
| They stalk you on social media | Obsessing over what you’re doing without them |
| They spread lies about you | Trying to reclaim power by damaging your reputation |
| They accuse you of abandoning them | Projecting their own fear of abandonment |
| They send gifts and love messages | Hoovering attempt to lure you back in |
In short, any effort by a narcissist to re-connect stems from self-interest rather than genuinely missing the person they pushed away through abuse.
Why narcissists reach out after no contact
There are some common reasons why a narcissist may try to reach out after a period of no contact:
1. They feel in control again
Narcissists love feeling like they have the upper hand in relationships. Initiating contact with an ex gives them a sense of control – like they have the power to regain access to you.
2. Their new partner didn’t work out
Narcissists can be quick to find a new partner after a breakup. This helps them prove they’re still desirable. However, if that new relationship fails, they may try to pull an ex back into the cycle.
3. They need validation
Without someone to consistently praise and admire them, a narcissist’s ego takes a hit. Reaching out to an old source of supply helps restore their sense of confidence and self-worth.
4. They’re bored
Narcissists get bored easily, especially when alone. Contacting an ex provides entertainment and an ego boost – both things a narcissist craves.
5. Hoovering
“Hoovering” is when a narcissist tries to lure a former partner back into an abusive relationship. This could include emotional pleas, gifts, promises to change, or declarations of love.
Will ignoring a narcissist make them miss you?
Ignoring a narcissist is unlikely to make them genuinely miss you, but it can provoke other reactions like:
- Anger: Rage at losing control over you.
- Threats: Trying to intimidate you back into engagement.
- Punishment: Lashing out by damaging your reputation or relationships.
- Hoovering: Love-bombing with excessive contact or gifts.
While these behaviors may suggest they miss you, it’s more about the narcissistic wound to their ego.
Will a narcissist forget about you after no contact?
It’s unlikely a narcissist ever fully forgets about someone who provided validation, love, and attention. More common reactions to you moving on include:
- Obsessing over what you’re doing without them
- Stalking you on social media
- Badmouthing you to gain sympathy and feel power
- Keeping tabs on you through mutual friends
They may also try to hoover you back in months or even years after breaking up. The time you shared remains a source of narcissistic supply they can tap into again when needed.
Does no contact work with a narcissist?
While no contact doesn’t make a narcissist experience missing you the same as an emotionally healthy person, it can still be an effective strategy. Benefits of going no contact include:
- Taking away their access to control and manipulate you
- Removing a constant source of narcissistic supply
- Giving yourself the space and clarity to heal
- Showing you won’t tolerate abusive behaviors
- Detaching from the emotional rollercoaster of the relationship
Essentially, no contact is about freeing yourself from the narcissistic dynamic. It’s important for your own well-being and recovery.
Tips for successful no contact
Here are some tips to help make no contact more manageable:
- Block the narcissist everywhere possible
- Avoid mutual friends and places they frequent
- Seek professional help like therapy
- Confide in trusted friends or relatives
- Pick up new hobbies and interests
- Be consistent – reinitiating contact undermines progress
Will a narcissist try to hurt you after no contact?
It’s possible a narcissist will try to “punish” you in some way for rejecting them through no contact. This could include:
- Smearing your reputation through lies
- Turning people against you
- Spreading your personal information online
- Stalking and harassing you
- Threats or intimidation
Their aim is to make you feel powerless for leaving and scare you into resuming contact. Stay safe by documenting evidence, blocking all access, and telling close friends or the police if you feel threatened.
Conclusion
Narcissists are unlikely to miss an ex partner in a sincere, caring way. Their reasons for reaching out after no contact tend to be self-serving rather than reflective of actually missing the person they abused or devalued. By going no contact, you take away a narcissist’s ability to control you, gain narcissistic supply, and manipulate you through hoovering. While no contact may provoke retaliation, it remains an important step in recovering and protecting yourself after dating a narcissist.