Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by an individual’s striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards. It is associated with both adaptive and maladaptive aspects. While perfectionists’ attention to detail can lead to high achievement, their intense self-criticism can lead to anxiety, depression, and anger issues.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism involves both high personal standards and being overly critical of one’s behavior. Perfectionists have an acute sense of their flaws and shortcomings. They relentlessly strive for extremely high goals and performance. Perfectionists tend to equate their self-worth with accomplishment and productivity.
There are two main forms of perfectionism:
- Self-oriented perfectionism – an internally motivated desire to be perfect
- Socially prescribed perfectionism – believing that others have unrealistic standards for oneself that must be attained
Both forms involve self-criticism for not meeting standards. Self-oriented perfectionism is an internal drive, while socially prescribed perfectionism involves perceived external pressures.
Perfectionism traits
Common traits of perfectionists include:
- Excessively high personal standards
- Harsh self-criticism for not meeting standards
- Feeling others impose impossible standards
- Linking self-worth to productivity and accomplishment
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Procrastination and avoidance of tasks where failure is possible
- Excessive attention to detail
- Difficulty delegating tasks
- Trouble completing tasks (they are never quite right)
While some of these traits may help perfectionists achieve, they can also lead to significant psychological distress when ideals are unattainable.
Positive aspects of perfectionism
Perfectionism has some adaptive and positive qualities. Perfectionists’ drive for precision ensures accuracy and high quality. Their attention to detail can mean high performance standards. In school and the workplace, their diligence and hard work is often rewarded with achievement. Fields like science and academics often value their thoroughness and meticulousness.
The positive aspects of perfectionism include:
- Achievement and productivity
- Attention to detail and precision
- High personal standards
- Diligence and persistence
- Competitiveness and motivation
When channeled constructively, perfectionists’ exacting standards can enable them to excel and realize high goals.
Negative aspects of perfectionism
Perfectionism has maladaptive, destructive elements. Unrealistic standards mean perfectionists are often disappointed in themselves and dissatisfied with their performance. Their self-worth becomes contingent on productivity and achievement. Failure or criticism is crushing. Perfectionists tend to filter everything through a lens of self-criticism.
Negative traits associated with perfectionism include:
- Self-blame and sense of failure when standards are not met
- Acute anxiety about making mistakes
- Relentless self-criticism and focus on flaws
- Procrastination and avoidance of challenges
- Trouble starting and completing tasks
- Burnout from never feeling tasks are complete
- Depression and suicidal thinking
This intense self-criticism can lead to psychological problems. Perfectionists are vulnerable to major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders.
The link between perfectionism and anger
Perfectionists tend to experience frequent anger, irritation, and frustration. Their uncompromising standards mean they often feel angry with themselves and others.
Sources of anger for perfectionists include:
- Feeling they have failed to reach their own exacting standards
- Perceiving others have failed to meet expectations
- Feeling external pressure from excessive demands of others
- Having their work criticized
- Making even minor mistakes
Perfectionists often feel hostile and resentful towards people they think impose unfair standards on them. They also often feel rage at themselves for not being perfect. This can lead to outbursts of anger and aggression.
Why perfectionism leads to anger issues
There are several reasons perfectionists tend to struggle with anger:
- Unrealistic standards – Perfectionists set excessively high goals that are ultimately impossible to reach. This leads to frequent disappointment in themselves and others. Anger arises from the frustration of expectations not being met.
- Self-criticism – Perfectionists have hypercritical inner voices always scrutinizing them. They view mistakes as failures. This creates anger directed inwardly.
- Black-and-white thinking – Perfectionists view outcomes as total successes or failures, with no middle ground. If something is not perfect, it is worthless, provoking anger.
- Rigidity – Perfectionists have difficulty adapting to changing circumstances and being flexible. When the real world conflicts with their inflexible inner rules, it creates resentment.
- Loss of control – Perfectionists feel they should be able to control outcomes. When they cannot, they feel powerless, provoking fury, especially directed at others.
- Ego-based self-esteem – Rather than accepting themselves with compassion, they base all self-worth on achievement. Setbacks threaten their fragile egos, causing rage.
Perfectionists无法容忍失败 – 他们承诺自己和别人完美无瑕。当事情不尽如人意时,他们的愤怒就是自然结果。
Do perfectionists suppress anger?
Many perfectionists attempt to suppress overt expressions of anger. This is because anger conflicts with their idealized self-image of being rational, calm, and in control. Displaying anger openly would imply imperfection.
However, suppressed anger tends to leak out in other ways, such as:
- Cynicism, hostility, and resentment
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- Overly critical remarks
- Displaced anger towards safer targets
Suppressed anger can also take a toll on physical and mental health. It has been linked to depression, cardiovascular disease, and autoimmune disorders. Outwardly pleasant perfectionists may be raging inside.
How perfectionists can manage anger
Perfectionists can take steps to handle anger more constructively:
- Challenge unrealistic rules and demands
- Set flexible, achievable standards
- View imperfections as human, not condemnable
- Separate feelings of self-worth from achieving goals
- Practice self-compassion and temper self-criticism
- Let some things be “good enough” rather than perfect
- Reflect on anger’s causes and express it appropriately
- Develop distress tolerance and adaptability
- Seek counseling to address thought patterns
Perfectionists can learn to accept themselves despite inevitable flaws. With self-reflection and cognitive reappraisal of demanding inner voices, they can achieve balance.
Conclusion
In summary, perfectionists are prone to frequent, intense anger. Their unattainable high standards, harsh self-criticism, and need for control mean they often feel frustrated with themselves and others. Anger arises when reality inevitably falls short of expectations. Perfectionism’s link to anger can be detrimental to relationships and well-being.
However, perfectionists can learn to rethink their rigid rules, have more self-compassion, and express anger constructively. With effort, they can balance their drive for high standards with accepting imperfection as part of being human. This allows maintaining ambition while minimizing corrosive anger and achieving greater life balance and satisfaction.