Whether or not narcissists care when someone dies is a complex question with no simple answer. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and narcissists can react to death in different ways depending on the nature of their specific personality disorder and their relationship with the deceased.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for excessive attention and admiration. Narcissists typically have an exaggerated sense of superiority and entitlement, and believe they are special compared to others.
There are two main types of narcissism:
- Grandiose narcissism – characterized by an overt sense of superiority and confidence.
- Vulnerable narcissism – characterized by secretly feeling inferior and insecure.
Both types involve impairments in emotional regulation and forming genuine connections with others. Narcissists struggle with understanding others’ perspectives and needs.
Do narcissists grieve when someone dies?
Narcissists are capable of experiencing grief and loss when someone close to them dies. However, their grief process often looks different from others’:
- They may seem unaffected outwardly by the death.
- Their grief may be short-lived.
- They may redirect focus and attention to themselves instead of the deceased.
- They may use the death to manipulate others’ reactions.
Even if narcissists feel saddened on some level by a death, the full impact is usually diminished by their self-centered viewpoint. Their grief tends to be more related to how the loss affects them, rather than empathizing with the deceased or those close to them.
How does the relationship impact narcissists’ reactions?
The nature of the relationship between the narcissist and the deceased person is a major factor in how they react to the death:
- Public figure: They may exaggerate their connection to elicit attention and sympathy from others.
- Casual acquaintance: They are unlikely to have a strong reaction, unless they can gain something from the loss like attention or sympathy.
- Close family member: They may have a stronger initial reaction, especially if it directly impacts them, but it will likely be short-lived.
- Spouse: The loss of a spouse can be devastating for narcissists since it directly threatens their needs. However, their focus will remain on themselves rather than genuine grief.
- The deceased was a narcissistic supply: If the deceased provided the narcissist with attention, praise, or validation, the narcissist is likely to be more impacted by the loss.
The more central the deceased was as a source of narcissistic supply for the narcissist, the more difficult it will be for the narcissist to cope with the loss.
Do narcissists mourn the same way as others?
No, narcissists tend to mourn and grieve differently than others:
| Narcissist’s Grief | Typical Grief |
|---|---|
| Short period of mourning | Extended grieving process |
| Focus on self, not deceased | Focus on deceased’s life and impact |
| Minimizing the loss | Allowing full emotional impact |
| Using death for manipulation | Supporting others in their grief |
| Lack of empathy | Feeling and expressing empathy |
The narcissist’s grief reaction tends to be more limited, self-centered, and emotionally superficial compared to typical grief and mourning processes.
Do narcissists move on quickly after someone dies?
In many cases, yes, narcissists are able to move on quickly after someone dies. They may seem entirely unaffected after only a short period of mourning. Reasons for this include:
- Their grief is centered on themselves, not the deceased.
- They need to refill their narcissistic supplies from other sources.
- They have an impaired or limited capacity for attachment and empathy.
- The loss of control is highly threatening so they compartmentalize their grief.
The more the narcissist relied on the deceased for narcissistic supply or feelings of superiority, the harder it will be to move on. But in most cases, their innate self-centeredness allows them to push past the grief faster than others.
Conclusion
In summary, most narcissists will feel some degree of sadness when someone dies, especially if it directly impacts them. However, their grief tends to be brief, self-focused, and emotionally superficial. The depth of their response depends largely on their specific personality traits and their relationship to the deceased. Unlike others’ grief, a narcissist’s mourning is generally limited and short-lived before they return focus to themselves and move on.