Cuddling in bed is often seen as more of a “feminine” desire, but the truth is that men crave physical touch and intimacy just as much as women do. Though society tends to portray men as less affectionate and cuddly, the innate need to feel closeness and connection applies to both genders. Understanding men’s perspective on cuddling can lead to deeper intimacy and satisfaction for couples.
Do men actually enjoy cuddling?
Yes, the vast majority of men do enjoy cuddling, even though many may not readily admit it. According to a recent survey by the Kinsey Institute, 74% of men said they like cuddling in bed with their romantic partner. Men reported feeling closer, more desired, and more nurtured through physical bonding and caressing.
Cuddling releases oxytocin, the “love hormone” that promotes affection and attachment in relationships. This biochemical response is not limited to women – men also experience increased oxytocin levels after positive touch. The core desire to make meaningful connections and experience caregiving behaviors is part of human nature, regardless of gender.
Potential barriers for men discussing cuddling
If cuddling feels good, why don’t more men openly discuss their enjoyment of it? Several factors may contribute to men downplaying their fondness for cuddling:
- Cultural norms that discourage men from expressing vulnerability or “soft” emotions
- Assumption that desire for physical affection is associated with femininity
- Worries about appearing needy, weak, or less “manly”
- Difficulty verbalizing physical and emotional needs
These influences can make men hesitant to initiate cuddling. However, feeling their partner’s touch has profound benefits for men’s well-being and relationship satisfaction.
Why do men enjoy cuddling in bed?
Men give many reasons for cherishing cuddling with their romantic partners. Some of the most commonly cited motivations include:
Intimacy and connection
Cuddling releases oxytocin and lowers cortisol levels, promoting feelings of closeness, affection, and peace. Men appreciate the chance to put aside daily stresses and strengthen their emotional bond.
Comfort and relaxation
A warm embrace from your partner activates the parasympathetic nervous system, slowing heart rate and respiration. The calming effects help men feel soothed and content.
Feeling desired
When a partner initiates cuddling, men often interpret it as a sign of her attraction and devotion to him. This boosts his confidence and sense of being valued.
Expression of love
Cuddling frequently occurs after sex but also at other intimate moments. Holding one another conveys love, caring, and commitment beyond the physical act of sex.
Strengthening attachment
Frequent, affectionate touch triggers neurochemical changes that prime men to prioritize their partner’s well-being. Cuddling helps reinforce monogamous pairing.
Fun and enjoyment
Cuddling often leads to laughing, tickling, kissing, and other playful interactions. Men find stress-free, lighthearted moments rejuvenating.
How to cuddle with a man
For couples seeking to integrate more cuddling into their relationship, here are some tips to make the experience positive for both partners:
Initiate when relaxing together
Cuddling helps men feel most relaxed first thing in the morning or while unwinding at night. Try initiating when cozying up together in bed, on the couch, etc.
Take the big spoon role sometimes
Be the big spoon too – wrap your arm around him while sleeping or watching TV. He’ll appreciate feeling enveloped in your embrace.
Incorporate some light stroking
Gently running your fingers through his hair or rubbing his back, arms, chest, etc. adds soothing sensation.
Find his favorite positions
Experiment to find cuddling positions you both enjoy. Some good options to try:
- Facing each other, legs intertwined
- Little spoon/big spoon
- Lying on your sides, facing each other
- Spooning on your sides
- One partner resting their head on the other’s chest
Respect his preferences
Check in to see what types of touch he likes most. Start slow and increase intimacy gradually as you learn each other’s comfort levels.
Communicate your affection
Verbalize appreciation for quiet moments holding each other. Men like knowing their partners value cuddling too.
The cuddling gender gap – statistical data
Several surveys have explored the “cuddling gender gap” – differences in men’s and women’s attitudes towards non-sexual physical intimacy. Some key statistics:
| Survey | Key Finding |
|---|---|
| KINSEY study, 2021 | 74% of men enjoy cuddling in bed with a romantic partner |
| Men’s Health survey, 2020 | 53% of women prefer morning cuddling vs. 35% of men |
| TODAY survey, 2018 | 15% of men wish they could cuddle more vs. 27% of women |
| Self Magazine survey, 2017 | Women desire about 11 hugs per day vs. men’s desired 6 per day |
While women on average express more interest in cuddling frequency and duration, a majority of men still crave regular physical intimacy. This points to cuddling being a fundamental human need, not defined by gender.
Reasons for the cuddling gender gap
Why do men seem reluctant to cuddle as often as women wish? Reasons may include:
- Social norms discouraging emotional vulnerability in men
- Associating cuddling with “femininity”
- Difficulty articulating needs for intimacy/affection
- Discomfort with intimacy due to upbringing or past relationship wounds
The benefits of cuddling for men
Beyond just being pleasant, frequent cuddling provides myriad benefits for men’s health and well-being.
Reduces stress
Cuddling lowers cortisol and stimulates oxytocin, reducing anxiety. Blood pressure and heart rate also decrease through partner touch.
Deeper sleep
Contact with a partner’s body releases neurotransmitters that promote calm and restful sleep. Men sleep more soundly when cuddling.
Boosts immunity
Oxytocin release while cuddling ramps up production of immune cells. Men who cuddle report fewer illnesses and infections.
Eases pain
Physical warmth and oxytocin release increases pain tolerance. Migraines, arthritis, and back pain intensity may diminish through cuddling.
Increases intimacy
Cuddling promotes relationship closeness through vulnerability, affection, trust, and communication between partners.
Improves cognition
Reduced cortisol and anxiety from cuddling optimizes mental performance. Men’s focus, memory, and problem-solving get a boost.
Lessens depression
The mood-lifting effects of oxytocin during cuddling have antidepressant properties. Men’s depressive symptoms often improve with more touch.
Builds self-esteem
A partner’s desire to snuggle up conveys attraction, appreciation, and investment in the relationship – perks for men’s confidence.
Overcoming barriers to cuddle more
If you and your partner would like to increase cuddling in your relationship, consider the following tips for overcoming common barriers:
Break stereotypes
Challenge any assumptions that enjoying touch is inherently feminine. Men biologically crave intimacy through oxytocin just like women.
Take it slow
If physical vulnerability feels uncomfortable, gradually get used to touch through brief hugs, hand-holding, or sitting close together.
Communicate your needs
Directly yet gently tell your partner you’d like to cuddle more. Discuss favorite positions and activities while cuddling.
Schedule cuddle sessions
Make time for cozying up together, just like you would any other important activity. Consider it an investment in your relationship.
See the strengths in cuddling
Rather than viewing cuddling as needy or indulgent, focus on the benefits – reduced anxiety, better sleep, deeper intimacy.
Try new touch techniques
Back rubs, stroking hair, massage, or light scratching can feel pleasant. Explore different sensations.
The bottom line
Despite stereotypes that men are stoic and non-affectionate, the vast majority crave intimate touch through cuddling. Cuddling allows men to shed daily pretense, destress, and strengthen emotional connections with their romantic partner. By initiating more frequent cuddling and physical intimacy, women can help fulfill their man’s fundamental yet often unspoken need for tender, nurturing contact.