Crying is a natural emotional response to powerful feelings like sadness, grief, joy, anger, frustration, and more. For a long time in Western cultures, the notion that “boys don’t cry” has prevailed – that men should refrain from shedding tears in order to appear strong. However, psychologists argue that this notion is harmful, as crying is a healthy way to process emotions. So do men really cry less than women? And should they?
Do men biologically cry less than women?
Some studies have found that women do tend to cry more frequently than men. A study published in the journal Current Opinion in Psychology in 2017 reviewed years of research on crying behavior and found that women cry 30-64 times per year on average, while men cry 6-17 times per year.
There are a few biological factors that may cause this difference:
- Testosterone – Men have much higher levels of the hormone testosterone than women. Some studies have linked higher testosterone to reduced tear production.
- Prolactin – Women have higher levels of the hormone prolactin, which is linked with more tear production.
- Brain structure – Brain imaging studies have found that women may have more connections between the areas of the brain involved in processing emotions and producing tears.
So biologically speaking, women’s bodies do seem primed to cry more easily. However, the gap between men’s and women’s crying frequency may not be entirely biological.
Social and cultural influences on male crying
Social and cultural expectations also have a major influence on crying behavior. From a young age, boys are taught by society that crying isn’t manly and they need to “toughen up.” On the other hand, it’s more acceptable for girls to express their emotions through tears.
A review published in 2019 analyzed decades of research on gender differences in crying. The researchers found that social and cultural influences impacted crying frequency more significantly than biological differences between the sexes.
For example, one study followed children from ages 7-16 and found that at age 12, boys cried significantly less than girls. But at age 7, crying frequency was about equal between boys and girls. This suggests social norms start influencing crying behavior around puberty, when children become more aware of cultural expectations.
Another interesting finding is that the gender gap in crying behavior varies greatly between different countries and cultures. One study found men cried just as often as women in Thailand and Nigeria, where cultural views on male crying are less restrictive.
So while biology may play a small role, social conditioning is likely the main reason men cry less frequently than women in Western cultures that promote the notion that male tears are a sign of weakness.
Do men want to cry more?
Given the social prohibitions around male crying, an interesting question is: do men actually want to cry more than they do? Does holding back tears impact men psychologically?
Several studies have attempted to investigate this question. The findings show many men do report a desire to cry more or that they hold back tears:
- A 2020 study of Finnish men found over 65% felt they would benefit from crying more. Only 8% said they cried as much as they wanted to.
- In a 2006 study, 37% of young British men said they stop themselves from crying when they feel like it.
- A 2016 study of older British men found that 48% said they wanted to cry more than they did. 30% reported holding back tears.
Suppressing the urge to cry appears to take a psychological toll on some men. Studies find links between holding back tears and depression, loneliness, anger issues, and weakened immune functioning.
So evidence does suggest many men may have an unmet need for emotional crying, even if they cry less than women due to social conditioning.
When do men cry?
While men may cry less often than women overall, research shows they do still cry in response to certain experiences. A few reasons men report crying include:
- Loss of loved ones – grief at funerals, reacting to death of close family and friends
- Disputes – arguments with spouses, breakups
- Life difficulties – work problems, financial stress, health issues
- Connecting with others – crying while sharing deep conversations, reuniting with loved ones
- Art and media – emotional films, books, songs, etc.
- Personal frustrations – failures, embarrassment, shame
So despite social taboos, all men cry sometimes in response to sadness, grief, anger, or joy like anyone else. However, social conditioning may impact when and where men feel comfortable shedding tears.
Do men cry in private more than public?
While modern views on male crying are slowly changing, the old stereotype that men shouldn’t cry openly still persists. So do men tend to cry more in private?
Research suggests men do cry more frequently when alone or in safe company versus the public eye:
- A 2016 study found 82% of men said they cry alone, while only 41% reported crying in front of others.
- In a survey of widowed men, 81% said they cried at home after their spouse’s death but only 37% cried at the funeral.
- Men list private settings like at home alone, in the bedroom, or in the car as places they feel most comfortable crying.
So social conditioning does impact where men cry – they tend to avoid crying in public settings where others may judge them as weak for showing tears.
Seeing public figures like athletes and celebrities cry openly has helped give more permission for male crying. But there is still stigma, so many men only feel safe crying alone or with close family who they know will not judge their tears harshly.
Why do men avoid crying in public?
The social prohibition of male crying is an expectation firmly rooted in traditional masculinity. Tears have historically been linked with vulnerability, while stoicism and strength are considered manly virtues.
Some reasons men give for avoiding crying publicly include:
- Fear of looking weak
- Appearing unmanly
- Looking less competent
- Feeling embarrassed
- Losing social status
- Being judged negatively
These fears likely develop in boyhood, as parents and peers discourage male crying from early ages. Crying gets associated with shame, rejection, and submissiveness – all unattractive traits for traditional masculine identity.
So men who cry publicly, even at funerals or sentimental occasions where crying is accepted, risk social disapproval and judgment for not “manning up.” That’s why many opt to grieve privately.
Is male crying becoming more acceptable?
While stigmas remain, views on public male crying are gradually becoming more tolerant. A few factors contributing to this change:
- More open discussion and critique of traditional masculinity’s emotional restrictions
- Public figures normalizing male crying – athletes at losses, politicians crying during speeches
- Rise of men’s mental health awareness – acknowledging crying’s benefits
- Progress in gender equality – less rigid gender expression rules
A 2020 poll by YouGov found 71% of Americans say it is acceptable for men to cry, compared to just 19% who disagreed. Acceptance was high across genders, ages, and political affiliations.
So the tide is shifting – male crying is viewed more positively by wider society. However, completely erasing the stigma around men’s tears will likely take generations, as expectations of masculinity run deep.
Do women react negatively to men crying?
If the stigma against male crying comes from wider society, do women react negatively when men cry? Or are they more understanding?
Research on women’s views yields mixed results:
- Some studies have found women rate crying men as more unstable, unattractive partners.
- But other studies found women had overall positive reactions to men crying over emotional content/media.
- Most women acknowledge the benefits of crying and are supportive if a male partner cries over grief, loss, etc.
- Women still prefer men who cry moderately – frequent crying is viewed more negatively.
Overall, it appears context matters. Women react most positively to men crying over genuinely sad occasions versus daily minor stresses. They also prefer occasional crying versus very frequent tears.
Anecdotal evidence suggests most women are supportive partners if a man cries vulnerably. However, some female stigma undoubtedly remains thanks to societal conditioning around masculinity.
Do gay and straight men cry differently?
Gender norms and masculinity expectations can impact gay and bisexual men differently than straight men. So does sexual orientation affect how men view and display crying?
Though more research is needed, a few patterns have emerged:
- Gay men report crying more frequently than heterosexual men.
- Gay men are more comfortable crying in public and around other men.
- Gay male partners are more willing to cry with and comfort one another.
- But gay men still cry less often than heterosexual women.
So while gay/bisexual men may still feel some cultural stigma, they tend to be more open crying with partners and friends who better understand gender complexities.
What are the benefits of male crying?
Despite stigma, research suggests crying – even for men – offers several benefits:
- Emotional release – letting go of bottled up feelings provides relief
- Reduces stress – crying releases cortisol and adrenaline buildup
- Eases anxiety and depression – good crying session can improve low mood
- Boosts endorphins – provides natural “feel good” hormones
- Enhances intimacy – vulnerable crying strengthens bonds with partners
- Improves communication – shows emotional availability and honesty
Men who report crying more say it helps themDestigmatizin process sadness and anger, feel calmer after crying, and have closer relationships. They view tears as healthy, not weak.
Should society encourage male crying?
Given the benefits of crying for emotional health, should we as a society do more to normalize male crying? Or do the old stigmas serve a purpose?
Many psychologists argue we need to destigmatize men’s tears in order to:
- Allow men to express full emotions rather than bottle up feelings
- Reduce risks of anger, aggression, depression when emotions can’t get released
- Promote better coping skills from boyhood through open parenting
- Let men access benefits of crying like buoyed mood and reduced anxiety
- Strengthen relationships by revealing emotional vulnerability
However, others argue some degree of masculine stoicism has benefits:
- Helps men endure hardship without crumbling
- Keeps men strong for protecting and providing for families
- Allows men to overcome failures and setbacks
- Maintains male social status by projecting confidence and invulnerability
In the modern era, though, the potential costs of suppressed male emotion likely outweigh the benefits of stoicism. Finding a balance between strength and vulnerability is important for healthy masculinity today.
How can society support male crying?
Here are some ways society can be more supportive of men’s emotional tears:
- Start early with boys – parents can model crying as healthy, not shame boys for tears
- Male leaders should cry publicly – gives permission for others
- Praise men who cry moderately in appropriate contexts
- Critique outdated masculine stereotypes in media/culture
- Don’t treat male tears as just a joke/mockery
- If a man cries, offer comfort not judgment
With more openness, male crying that was hidden can become recognized as normal and humanizing. But making crying manly will require cultural attitudes to evolve.
Conclusion
While women statistically cry more, men also produce emotional tears in response to sadness, grief, joy, and more. Male crying is suppressed partially due to biology but more so by social norms around masculinity. Many men report wanting to cry more freely for the psychological benefits tears can provide. As traditional gender roles loosen, male crying is slowly becoming more accepted. But completely eliminating the stigma around men’s tears will take time as deeply embedded attitudes shift. Creating a culture that supports men crying publicly about genuine emotions in appropriate contexts is an important part of men’s mental health.