For many married couples, sharing a bed every night is simply a given. However, sleeping arrangements can vary widely between couples. While there are no laws dictating where married partners must sleep, some couples opt to sleep separately for various reasons.
Is separate sleeping grounds for divorce?
Sleeping in separate rooms does not itself constitute grounds for divorce. Many happily married couples sleep separately either by choice or necessity. As long as both partners are satisfied with the arrangement, separate sleeping quarters are not problematic from a legal perspective.
That said, separate sleeping arrangements that result from relationship problems like lack of intimacy, poor communication, or distrust could potentially factor into a divorce case. But the act of sleeping in different rooms alone is not a legal reason to end a marriage.
What are some reasons married couples might sleep separately?
There are a variety of practical and personal reasons why married partners may sleep in different rooms or beds, including:
- Medical issues like snoring, sleep apnea, or restless leg syndrome that disturb a partner’s sleep
- Different sleep schedules or routines due to work hours or lifestyle
- Need for personal space and alone time
- Disagreement over preferred sleep temperature
- Discrepant bedtime habits like reading versus watching TV
- One partner’s restless sleeping or blanket stealing
- Children or pets sharing the bed
- Stress, anxiety, or depression affecting sleep
- Recovery from illness or surgery
Partners who struggle with intimacy, communication, or trust may also drift into separate sleeping quarters. However, many couples who sleep separately maintain healthy, happy marriages.
What percentage of married couples sleep separately?
There is limited research on what percentage of married couples sleep in separate beds or rooms. However, some surveys provide estimates:
- A 2015 survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that 25% of married couples sleep separately.
- A 2017 study published in Sleep Health found 19% of couples always or mostly slept apart.
- An estimated one-third to one-half of couples sleep separately at least once a week, often due to snoring or other medical issues.
So while sharing a bed is still the norm for most married couples, separate sleeping arrangements are relatively common and accepted.
How does separate sleeping affect relationships?
The effects of sleeping apart on marital satisfaction and quality are mixed. Potential benefits and downsides include:
| Potential Benefits | Potential Downsides |
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Partners sleeping apart due to temporary medical reasons or different work schedules may adjust well. But couples experiencing relationship problems may drift further apart when sleeping separately long-term.
Tips for transitioning to separate sleeping quarters
If medical issues, sleep habits, or other factors lead a couple to consider separate sleeping arrangements, some tips can help ease the transition:
- Communicate openly about reasons for change and any concerns
- Make efforts to maintain intimacy through cuddling, sex, etc. at bedtime or other times
- Spend quality awake time together like shared meals or activities
- Customize each individual space for optimal comfort
- Try gradual steps like separate beds first before separate rooms
- Check in regularly about how the arrangement is working
- Be flexible and make adjustments as needed
With compromise and intentionality about meeting each partner’s needs, married couples can often adjust to sleeping separately while keeping their relationship strong.
When is separate sleeping an issue?
While many married couples successfully sleep separately, potential problems can arise:
- If intimacy and emotional connection suffer
- If time together is not prioritized when awake
- If partners do not communicate about the change
- If underlying relationship dynamics or resentments remain unaddressed
- If one partner imposes the change against the other’s wishes
- If the arrangement exacerbates depression, anxiety, or feelings of isolation
Partners who drift apart, avoid each other, or fight more when sleeping separately should discuss relationship concerns. Counseling can also help identify solutions.
Conclusion
Married couples are not legally required to sleep in the same bed or even the same room. Separate sleeping arrangements are relatively common for a variety of reasons. As long as both partners communicate and prioritize intimacy and quality time, sleeping separately does not necessarily harm a marriage. However, unaddressed relationship problems can worsen when couples sleep apart long-term. With understanding and compromise, married couples can often enjoy healthy relationships regardless of where they sleep.