This is a common question that many women have when it comes to dating and texting etiquette. There are no hard and fast rules, but there are some general guidelines that can help provide clarity on what to expect when it comes to guys texting and reaching out.
The Short Answer
The short answer is: sometimes. Some guys will reach out right away if they are interested, while others will wait a bit, hoping you make the first move. A lot depends on the individual guy, your relationship dynamic, and current dating norms and expectations.
Key Factors That Influence Texting Behavior
There are a few key factors that can influence whether a guy will wait for you to text first or if he will initiate contact:
- His level of interest – If he’s very interested, he may reach out proactively. If he’s on the fence, he may hold back.
- His dating style – Some men prefer to take the lead and will initiate most contact. Others are more passive.
- The relationship dynamic – In new relationships, he may hold back more until he gauges interest. In established relationships, regular check-ins are common.
- His confidence level – Shy, insecure men may wait for the woman to text first while confident men will initiate more.
- Game playing – Some men purposefully hold off texting back right away to increase interest and “play it cool.”
- Gender norms/expectations – Some still expect the man to make the first move and reach out first.
Dating and Texting Timeline Norms
While every situation is unique, here are some general timelines on what to expect after getting a guy’s number or going on a first date when it comes to who should text first:
| Scenario | What Most Guys Do |
|---|---|
| After getting his number | May text that night or within 1-3 days |
| After a first date | Will text that night or the next day |
| After seeing each other a few times | Will text regularly to make plans |
| In an exclusive relationship | Will text every day if not more |
These are general guidelines – some men may text more or less frequently. The key is to look for consistency and interest over time.
Signs He’s Waiting for You to Initiate Contact
Wondering if that guy from your math class or the guy you went out with last week is waiting for you to text him first? Here are some signs that he’s hoping you’ll initiate contact:
- He hasn’t reached out since getting your number/going on the first date
- He responds fairly quickly and positively when you do text
- He is shy and reserved when you interact in person
- He opens doors but doesn’t make direct moves
- He liked when you initiated contact in the past
- He brings up texts/calls you’ve sent him positively
- He thanks you for reaching out to make plans
If you notice a combination of these signs, there’s a good chance he’s waiting for you to text him first before he’ll pursue anything further.
Why Do Some Guys Wait for the Woman to Initiate Contact?
If you feel like it’s always up to you to get things going with texting or making plans, you may be wondering why he won’t kick things off. Here are some potential reasons guys wait for the woman to text instead of initiating contact themselves:
- They are shy and lack confidence
- They fear coming on too strong
- They want to seem busy/hard to get
- They prefer more traditional dating roles
- They are indecisive or passive
- They want to be sure you’re interested before pursuing more
- They think playing hard to get will make you like them more
Knowing the potential reasons why can make it easier to decipher a guy’s behavior and determine whether to take the lead or wait for him to come around. Having an open conversation about texting and communication preferences can also help.
Is it a Red Flag if He Never Initiates Contact?
A guy never initiating contact via text or making plans doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not interested. Some men just prefer the woman take the lead early on. However, over time it can become a red flag for the following reasons:
- It may mean he’s not actually that interested but is passively going along with things when you initiate
- It could signify he’s too shy, passive, or insecure for you to feel pursued
- You may start to feel like you’re putting in all the effort which builds resentment
- The dynamic may not align with what you want in a relationship long-term
Pay attention to patterns over time and have an open conversation if it starts feeling one-sided. Mutual interest and effort should become clearer as you date.
What to Do if He’s Not Initiating Contact
If you notice you’re always the one to get things going via text or make plans, here are some tips on what to do:
- Reflect if you may be initiating too often – give him space to come to you.
- Limit initiating to every few days/week and see if he fills in gaps.
- Pay attention to whether he reciprocates interest when you do reach out.
- Flirt in person to gauge his interest and give him openings to ask you out.
- Communicate your needs clearly and ask if he prefers you initiate.
- Suggest he plan the next date to give him an opening.
- Pull back if efforts continue feeling one-sided after a few weeks.
The right balance depends on your preferences, but it shouldn’t feel like all the effort is coming from one side. Give it time as relationships progress and communicate to address any imbalances.
When is it Okay to Double Text?
What do you do when you text a guy and get no response? Here are tips on when it may be okay to double text:
- After 2-3 days if your last text didn’t need a response
- After a week if you asked a direct question
- If you know he was traveling/busy when you last texted
- If the conversation was flowing well before he stopped responding
However, avoid double texting:
- After just a day or two – give him space
- Multiple times without a response – take the hint
- With anything overly eager/pressuring
You can nudge a conversation along if he’s been busy. But don’t overpursue someone not reciprocating interest. Gauge if someone is truly interested before double texting.
When to Stop Initiating Contact
As hard as it can be, there comes a time when you need to stop being the only one to initiate contact and move on if he won’t come around. Signs it’s time to stop reaching out include:
- You’ve initiated contact several times with limited response
- Your texts are much longer than his
- You always plan dates or start conversations
- He rarely reciprocates questions or interest
- He makes excuses about being too busy to see you
- You feel insecure, anxious, or under-appreciated
Unless he’s going through something major, lasting connections involve mutual effort over time. If yours continues feeling one-sided, step back. The right person will meet you halfway.
Should Women Always Wait for the Guy to Text First?
While traditional gender roles often expect the man to make the first move, that notion is outdated. Here are a few reasons it’s perfectly fine for women to text a guy first:
- It shows confidence and interest on your part
- It prevents you from waiting around and overanalyzing
- It helps break old gender norms and expectations
- For shy/passive guys, it can make them more comfortable
- It allows you to communicate your needs directly
Texting first is fine provided you leave room for him to reciprocate interest and lead at times too. Avoid always being the initiator early on.
Moving Forward When Unsure Who Should Text First
Wondering who should make the first move after getting a guy’s number? Here are some tips:
- Touch base if you said you would or to make plans discussed
- Limit texts to quick check-ins or responding to questions
- Engage if he initiates but pull back if you’re always leading
- Keep communication light and casual early on
- Drop hints inviting him to ask you out vs. asking directly
Getting the balance right takes practice and patience. Pay attention to patterns over time vs. one-off texts. Ultimately, the right guy will show consistent interest regardless of who reaches out first.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, clear communication and paying attention to consistency in effort can help determine if a guy is truly interested and waiting for you to text, or if he’s just not that interested. While stereotypes exist, throwing outdated gender expectations out the window is key. If a connection is meant to be, it will flow well regardless of who initiates contact first. Go with what feels right for you and don’t be afraid to make the first move if you want to.