This is a common question for empaths and those who are in relationships with them. Empaths are highly sensitive people who tend to be very attuned to the emotions and needs of others. Narcissists, on the other hand, are self-centered and lack empathy. So why would these two personality types be attracted to each other?
What is an empath?
An empath is someone who has a high degree of empathy and is acutely aware of the emotions and feelings of others. Some key characteristics of empaths include:
- High emotional intelligence and sensitivity
- Ability to deeply understand what others are going through
- Tendency to absorb the emotions of people around them
- Desire to help, support, and heal others
- Compassion and concern for the well-being of others
While empaths are caring and giving, they can also become emotionally drained from taking on the burdens of others. Setting boundaries and practicing self-care is important for an empath’s health and well-being.
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance and lacks empathy for others. Key traits of narcissists include:
- Sense of entitlement and superiority
- Exaggerated self-image and ego
- Focus on themselves and obsession with status
- See relationships as transactional and use others for self-gain
- Lack of empathy and inability to recognize others’ needs
Narcissists tend to pursue attention and validation constantly. They use relationships to meet their own emotional needs without considering their partner’s feelings.
Why empaths and narcissists attract
Although empaths and narcissists have contrasting personalities in many ways, they are drawn to each other for a few key reasons:
1. Empaths are giving and nurturing
A big part of an empath’s identity is being caring, understanding, and wanting to heal others. They seek to help those who seem lost, damaged, or in need of support. To an empath, a narcissist can appear wounded and in need of their nurturing love.
2. Empaths want to be valued and appreciated
Even though empaths focus a lot on giving to others, they also desperately want to be appreciated and valued for their efforts. A narcissist’s charm and tendency to idealize others initially makes the empath feel admired.
3. Narcissists are skilled manipulators
Narcissists can be talented at identifying and preying on empaths’ insecurities and emotional needs. They use tactics like love bombing, gaslighting, and flattery to make the empath feel special, even if they lack sincerity.
4. Empaths get addicted to fixing the narcissist
Empaths feel compelled to help the wounded narcissist, believing their love and support can “fix” them. The empath gets hooked on the narcissist’s sob stories and the rollercoaster highs and lows of the relationship.
5. Narcissists enjoy the admiration
A narcissist craves endless praise and validation. The caring empath lavishes them with appreciation and focused attention. The empath’s caring satisfaction strokes the narcissist’s ego.
Signs an empath is attracted to a narcissist
Here are some common signs an empath may be drawn to a narcissistic person:
| Empath’s Emotions & Feelings | Empath’s Behaviors |
|---|---|
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Why the attraction is harmful
While empaths may feel an initial exhilarating bond with a narcissist, the relationship soon becomes draining and damaging. Here’s why:
Emotional abuse
Narcissists frequently engage in emotional abuse through gaslighting, belittling, and manipulating the empath’s emotions. The empath’s self-esteem erodes under the narcissist’s criticism.
Lack of reciprocity
It’s a largely one-sided relationship. The empath continuously gives to the narcissist’s needs but receives little in return. Their own needs are ignored.
Codependence
The empath becomes addicted to fixing, pleasing, and revolving their life around the narcissist. Unhealthy codependence sets in.
Exploitation
The narcissist exploits the empath for attention, praise, money, status or whatever they can gain from the relationship. The empath’s kindness is used against them.
Burnout
The constant demand to prop up the narcissist’s ego is exhausting for an empath. Emotional and physical burnout results.
How empaths can protect themselves
If you suspect you may be an empath who is drawn to narcissists, here are some tips:
- Get educated – Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and the tactics they use in relationships.
- Listen to your gut – If a romantic interest seems too good to be true, they probably are. Don’t ignore red flags.
- Take it slowly – Avoid rushing into intimacy and revealing too much about yourself too quickly.
- Create boundaries – Don’t bend yourself constantly for someone else’s needs. Stick to your boundaries.
- Seek professional help – If you’re already in a damaging relationship with a narcissist, get support to safely leave.
The importance of self-love
At your core, realize you are worthy of love, respect and reciprocity in relationships. Prioritize self-care, high standards and your own fulfillment. By loving yourself fully, you’ll know when someone else truly loves you too.
Conclusion
In summary, empaths and narcissists often feel an initial attraction, but the empath’s caring nature gets exploited. It’s a toxic dynamic. Empaths should educate themselves, listen to their intuition, have healthy boundaries, and choose partners who can reciprocate love, not just take it. Nourishing self-love and self-respect helps empaths avoid one-sided relationships.