It’s common for new parents to notice big changes in themselves after having a child. Your priorities shift, your lifestyle changes, and your responsibilities feel heavier. So it makes sense that your personality – your characteristic way of thinking, feeling and behaving – would change too. But does personality really change when you become a parent? Or do you remain fundamentally the same person, just with a new role in life?
Research suggests personality changes during major life transitions, like becoming a parent, do occur. But they tend to be subtle, not extreme. Personality is shaped by both nature (your innate traits) and nurture (your experiences). When you take on the massive new role of parenthood, the “nurture” part of the equation changes in big ways. This drives small but meaningful changes in your habitual thoughts, feelings and actions. However, the core aspects of your personality that are more “nature” remain largely the same.
Let’s explore what the research says about personality changes after having a baby. We’ll also consider what practical steps new parents can take to nurture positive changes.
How much does your personality change after having a baby?
Several major studies have measured personality changes in new parents, often using the “Big Five” model of personality:
– Openness – being curious, imaginative and creative
– Conscientiousness – being organized, responsible and hardworking
– Extraversion – being outgoing, energetic and sociable
– Agreeableness – being compassionate, cooperative and trusting
– Neuroticism – experiencing mood swings, stress and anxiety
The findings show personality changes do occur in new parents, but are modest in size. For example, a meta-analysis of 9 studies with over 4,500 participants found declines in extraversion, openness and agreeableness after having a first child. However, the changes equated to only about a tenth of a standard deviation – small but statistically significant.
In the table below, you can see the average changes found in the meta-analysis for each Big Five trait after having a first child:
| Personality trait | Average change |
|---|---|
| Extraversion | -0.15 |
| Agreeableness | -0.13 |
| Openness | -0.09 |
| Conscientiousness | +0.05 |
| Neuroticism | +0.20 |
So while new parents became slightly less extraverted, agreeable and open after having a baby in these studies, the changes were quite small. The only major change was a small increase in neuroticism, reflecting greater stress and anxiety. But this was less than one-fifth of a standard deviation.
Other studies have found similar small declines in extraversion, openness and conscientiousness in new parents. However, some find no changes, or even slight increases in extraversion and conscientiousness. Overall, findings are mixed and effect sizes are small.
It seems personality changes are subtle, not dramatic. You don’t become a totally different person, just a slightly different version of yourself! Changes tend to be gradual too, unfolding over the first years of parenthood rather than immediately after birth.
Why might personality change after having a baby?
There are several reasons becoming a parent may shift your personality:
**Maturation** – Having a child is a major milestone in life. The massive responsibility of caring for a new human can propel psychological maturity. This manifests as slight increases in conscientiousness and emotional stability.
**Stress** – A baby brings joy but also sleep deprivation, heavy demands and new concerns for your child’s health and development. This stress and anxiety fuels slight increases in neuroticism.
**Shifting priorities** – Your focus shifts to your baby’s needs and away from personal hobbies, goals and friends. This reduction in self-focus may decrease extraversion and openness.
**Behavior changes** – Your daily activities change dramatically when you have a baby to care for. Less stimulation-seeking and more dutiful behaviors may reduce extraversion and openness.
**Biological factors** – Hormonal changes related to pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding may also play a role. Oxytocin, the “love hormone”, increases with bonding to your baby but may subtly shift social behaviors.
However, these factors don’t overwrite your existing personality. You’re simply adapting who you naturally are to your new role as a parent. So changes tend to be slight.
Do mothers and fathers change differently?
Some studies find new mothers experience greater increases in conscientiousness and neuroticism than new fathers. For example, one study of over 200 couples having their first child found changes over the first year of parenting:
| Personality trait | Change in mothers | Change in fathers |
|---|---|---|
| Conscientiousness | +0.22 | -0.10 |
| Neuroticism | +0.36 | +0.14 |
As mothers bear a greater physical burden during pregnancy and the initial stresses of breastfeeding, this may drive their greater changes.
However, other studies show smaller or no differences between mothers and fathers. Overall it seems changes are fairly similar for both parents – but we need more research on potential gender differences.
Do personality changes persist over time?
Interestingly, the few studies tracking parents over several years find some personality changes reverse later in parenthood:
– A Dutch study found declines in extraversion and openness in new parents disappeared after 3 years.
– An American study found increases in conscientiousness and maturity peaked at 2 years postpartum then dropped.
– Other studies find neuroticism declines again by 4-5 years after having a first child.
It seems the initial shock of becoming a new parent shifts personality, but you gradually adapt to your new role. After a few years, as children become more independent, aspects of your personality that changed may shift back closer to your pre-parenting self.
However, some changes may endure over the long-term. More research tracking parents over 5-10 years is needed to understand this fully.
Can your child’s temperament influence your personality changes?
Intriguingly, a few studies hint your child’s inborn personality – their easy, difficult or slow-to-warm-up temperament – may influence changes in your own personality after becoming a parent.
For example, one study found fathers of fussier infants became more neurotic and less open over the first year of parenthood. In contrast, fathers of easier babies became less neurotic.
Caring for a high-needs, difficult infant likely increases parental stress. This may fuel increases in neuroticism and declines in openness compared to parenting a calmer, easier baby.
Understanding how your child’s unique temperament shapes your personality development as a new parent is an interesting area for future research.
Can you actively nurture positive personality changes?
While your core personality remains largely stable after having a baby, you can nurture positive changes by:
**Seeking support** – Asking for help from your partner, family and friends can buffer parental stress and anxiety.
**Prioritizing self-care** – Maintain hobbies, social connections and personal goals. Carve out time for exercise and relaxation.
**Practicing mindfulness** – Be present with your child and notice your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This builds calm and emotional balance.
**Reframing challenges** – View the struggles of parenting as opportunities for growth instead of threats to your identity.
**Communicating needs** – Tell your partner what kind of support would help you thrive in your changing role.
**Bonding with baby** – Spend quality one-on-one time with your child. This cements your relationship and fosters positive changes.
With awareness and intention, you can guide your personality development as a new parent. Core aspects of your identity will remain, but nurture can shape your “new parent personality” in healthy ways.
Conclusion
Becoming a parent involves a personality metamorphosis, but research shows this is gentle evolution, not extreme revolution. Your core self remains stable, with subtle shifts emerging in how you think, feel and behave as a new mom or dad. Changes result from adapting your existing personality to meet the demands of parenthood.
With awareness, you can actively nurture positive changes. Focus on communication, support, self-care and bonding with your baby.
While the “newbie parent” phase brings challenges, remember changes are transient. As you gain experience and babies become toddlers, your personality will stabilize. Withmaturity, the best parts of your pre-parent self integrate with your fresh identity as a mom or dad. You become a wiser, more compassionate version of your original self.
So rest assured – your personality is not set in stone. As life changes, you can gently grow around what remains authentically you. The richest fruit often grow through seasonal shifts.