When adopting a child, one of the first major decisions adoptive parents face is whether to change the child’s name. There are compelling reasons to keep or change an adopted child’s name, so this decision requires careful thought.
Should you change an adopted child’s name?
There are several factors to consider when deciding whether to change an adopted child’s name:
- The child’s age – Older adopted children often strongly identify with their birth name and may resist a change
- The meaning behind the current name – A name with negative connotations may be worth changing
- Cultural significance – In some cultures, name changes carry a stigma
- Birth family ties – Keeping the surname can preserve a connection
- Fresh start – A new name can represent a new beginning
- Adoptive family bonding – Sharing a surname can help strengthen familial bonds
Here are some pros and cons of changing an adopted child’s name:
Pros of changing the name:
- Lets the child make a fresh start with a new family
- Helps sever ties from a difficult past or birth family
- Allows adoptive family to re-name with meaningful name
- Gives a sense of belonging to the adoptive family
- Eliminates awkward questions about name differences
Cons of changing the name:
- Child may resent a name change, especially if older
- Causes a disconnect from the child’s identity and heritage
- Requires legal procedures and paperwork
- Difficult to remember to call the child by a new name
- The child has to get used to a new name
How to change an adopted child’s name
If you decide to change an adopted child’s name, here is the process:
- Discuss the name change with the child – Get their input and explain your reasoning
- Select meaningful new names – Consider family history, nicknames, meanings
- Consult your adoption agency – There may be specific naming guidelines
- Petition the court – File a request for an amended birth certificate
- Update legal documents – Social Security, medical, insurance, etc.
- Announce name change – Notify school, doctors, family and friends
- Help child adjust – Be patient and consistent using new name
The child’s first name can be changed more easily than their surname. Changing a surname usually requires consent from both adoptive parents and permission from the court.
Naming an adopted baby
When adopting a newborn, you typically have full discretion to give the baby whatever name you choose. It’s best to select a name in advance so it’s ready when you welcome your child home. Here are some tips for naming an adopted newborn:
- Pick a meaningful name that will grow with your child into adulthood.
- Consider family names from your family tree to honor relatives.
- Choose names with care as your child will have this name for life.
- Select 1-3 first names and 1-2 middle names you’d like to use.
- Run your name choice by close family and friends.
- Be cautious about “cutesy” or fad names that may not age well.
Questions to ask when choosing an adopted child’s new name
Here are some questions to reflect on when selecting an adopted child’s new name:
| Does the name have significant meaning or family ties? |
| Does it fit my child’s personality and identity? |
| Will it age well into adulthood? |
| Is it culturally sensitive? |
| Is it easy to pronounce and spell? |
| Does it flow and sound nice with a middle name and surname? |
| Will my child face teasing or questions about this name? |
Naming your adopted child is an exciting chance to thoughtfully choose a special name that will become part of their identity. Listen to any input from your child, but ultimately select something distinctive that suits your new family.
Talking to your adopted child about their name
Here are some tips for talking to your adopted child about their name change:
- Explain early – Young children adapt to a name change more easily
- Emphasize choice – Say you “chose” a new name because you cared so much
- Share significance – The special meaning behind their new name
- Acknowledge feelings – It’s normal to feel sad letting go of an old identity
- Show understanding – Reassure them you know this is a big change
- Celebrate change – Frame the name as a new chapter in their life story
- Give it time – Adjustment takes patience and consistency from you
With sensitivity and open communication, you can help your adopted child embrace their new name as part of joining your family.
How long does it take to legally change an adopted child’s name?
The timeline for legally changing an adopted child’s name depends on the court process in your state. Typically it takes 2-6 months to complete the name change process:
- 1-2 months to prepare petition and paperwork
- 2-4 months for the court hearing schedule and approval
- 2-4 weeks to receive amended birth certificate
Some steps that add time include:
- Finding child’s original birth certificate
- Tracking down biological parents for consent
- Court backlogs for name change petitions
- Extra steps for international adoptions
While the legal process moves along, use your child’s new name at home, school, and socially. Legally it will still be their old name, but consistent use will help them adjust.
At what age do adopted children ask about birth names?
Adopted children often become curious about their birth name and adoption story at the following ages:
| Ages 3-5 | May ask basic questions about name or origins |
| Ages 6-8 | Increased interest in birth story and identity |
| Ages 9-12 | Desire more details on birth family and name history |
| Teens | Search for deeper meaning and connection to roots |
Discussing an adopted child’s name origins should be an open, ongoing conversation. Share age-appropriate details and reassure them you are always here to answer questions.
What to do if your adopted child wants their old name back?
If an adopted child wants to reclaim their birth name, here are some supportive responses:
- Listen openly without judgment
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings
- Ask thoughtful questions to understand their reasons
- Explain the legal steps required to change back
- Respect their desire to reconnect with their roots
- Research their original name and story together
- Focus on your unconditional love, not a name
With maturity, adopted children may reconsider their birth names. Don’t take it personally – allow them to explore their identity at their own pace.
Conclusion
Choosing a name for an adopted child is an important decision. Consider the child’s wishes, cultural context, and your family ties. If you change the name, explain the meaning behind their new identity. Handle subsequent name questions with empathy and honesty. While names hold deep significance, your unconditional support as a family is what truly counts.