Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. People who score high in narcissism tend to have grandiose views of themselves and their abilities. They believe they are superior to others and deserve special treatment. At the same time, they can be overly sensitive to criticism and have trouble maintaining healthy relationships.
Many people assume that narcissists are completely oblivious to their narcissism. The logic goes: if narcissists were aware of their narcissism, wouldn’t they try to change? In reality, the answer is more complex. Though narcissists often seem oblivious from an outside perspective, some research indicates that many narcissists have some self-awareness of their narcissistic tendencies.
The different types of narcissism
Experts have identified two main types of narcissism:
- Grandiose narcissism – This type of narcissist has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and strong feelings of entitlement. They seek attention and admiration from others and display little empathy.
- Vulnerable narcissism – This type of narcissist feels inherently inadequate and hypersensitive to the opinions of others. Their self-importance is a defense mechanism for deep feelings of inferiority.
Grandiose narcissists tend to score higher on measurements of narcissism compared to vulnerable narcissists. They also exhibit more of the typical narcissistic behaviors, like showing off, seeking leadership roles, and demanding admiration. Vulnerable narcissists display less overt grandiosity but still struggle with interpersonal relationships because of their high sensitivity to criticism.
Do narcissists have self-awareness?
Though most narcissists come across as self-centered and vain, research indicates that many narcissists inwardly experience profound self-doubt. Here are some key findings about narcissists’ self-awareness:
- In studies, narcissists can accurately rate their own narcissism when asked directly. Their self-ratings align with assessments by trained clinicians.
- Narcissists know they are seen as arrogant by others, even when they believe they are merely expressing confidence.
- Narcissists report feeling bored, isolated, and depressed after interacting with others, suggesting awareness of relationship difficulties.
- Narcissists demonstrate insight into their motivations and shortcomings when given anonymity. For example, they privately admit they show off to mask insecurity.
Based on this research, psychologists have proposed that many narcissists consciously maintain their narcissistic exterior as a façade or coping strategy while inwardly harboring self-doubts and insecurities.
Why don’t they change?
If narcissists have some capacity for self-reflection, why don’t they change their behaviors? There are several explanations:
- Self-protection – Their narcissism serves a defensive purpose against deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
- Addiction – They are addicted to the rewards like power, prestige, and admiration that come from narcissistic behavior.
- Environment – They are used to exploiting people and get away with it. They haven’t faced consequences that would force change.
- Ego syntony – Their grandiose false self feels rooted and familiar. Giving it up would create an identity crisis.
Additionally, even when narcissists admit they have flaws, they frequently blame external factors like other people or societal conditions. Accepting responsibility for change is rare.
Can narcissism be treated?
Treating narcissistic personality disorder is challenging for several reasons:
- Narcissists’ lack of empathy makes it difficult for them to identify with others in therapy.
- Their need to protect their fragile self-esteem may cause them to reject suggestions they need to change.
- If they do want to change, giving up their narcissistic defenses can be terrifying and may get worse before it gets better.
However, treatment is possible through therapies like psychoanalytic therapy or schema therapy, which aim to gently challenge narcissists’ defenses and provide healthier coping strategies. Medications like SSRI antidepressants may also be helpful. Treatment is often most effective when the narcissist recognizes their behavior is causing significant life problems.
Signs of self-awareness in a narcissist
Though rare, some narcissists do seek help and want to change. Here are some signs a narcissist may have self-insight:
- They admit they are arrogant, demand admiration, or lack empathy.
- They recognize their need to be the center of attention.
- They acknowledge their ambition or grandiose fantasies are extreme.
- They can critique their own motives or values.
- They make statements like “I know I’m a narcissist” or “I know something is wrong with me.”
However, even with awareness, narcissists may still blame others or rationalize their behavior. Genuine change requires acknowledging their own role in interpersonal problems.
Can you have “healthy” narcissism?
Mental health professionals now discourage use of the label “healthy narcissism” or “normal narcissism.” Reasons include:
- It may normalize narcissistic traits that are problematic if exaggerated.
- All narcissism exists on a spectrum; there is no clear divide between healthy and unhealthy.
- The ordinary human desires for self-esteem and recognition do not equate to narcissism.
However, people can hold some narcissistic traits while still maintaining healthy relationships. This happens when narcissistic tendencies are limited and kept in check by the person’s conscience and capacity to care about others.
Do narcissists have advantages?
Though narcissism is predominantly seen as dysfunctional, it does confer some advantages:
- Leadership – Many leaders have some degree of narcissism. Their vision, confidence, and charisma can inspire followers.
- Success – Narcissists’ drive for status can motivate academic and occupational achievement.
- Creativity – Narcissists may have creative flair and boldness from their grandiose imagination.
However, research indicates narcissists become ineffective leaders without emotional intelligence. Their success is also hollow without meaningful relationships. And their creativity may lack substance without diligent follow-through.
Table summarizing narcissistic advantages and disadvantages
| Potential Advantages | Potential Disadvantages |
|---|---|
| Leadership skills | Ineffective without emotional intelligence |
| Driven to succeed | Hollow success without relationships |
| Creative flair | May lack substance/follow-through |
Key takeaways
In summary:
- Many narcissists have some insight into their narcissistic traits, even if they outwardly appear oblivious.
- They may not change due to ego defenses, addiction to narcissistic rewards, or avoidance of responsibility.
- Genuine awareness involves recognizing their own role in relationship problems.
- Complete elimination of narcissism is unnecessary. Healthy self-esteem and ambition are not the same as narcissism.
Conclusion
Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and few narcissists have zero self-awareness. However, their capacity for insight is often limited by a need to protect a fragile ego. With motivation and courage, gaining fuller awareness of narcissistic patterns is possible. This can lead to healthier choices that help narcissists become more effective leaders, achieve lasting success, creativity, and importantly, establish meaningful relationships.