Quick Answer
Traditionally, the father of the bride has the honor of walking his daughter down the aisle and giving her away on her wedding day. However, in modern times, there are no hard rules about who can fulfill this symbolic role. The mother of the bride is absolutely able to walk her daughter down the aisle if that is what the bride wishes. There are many reasons why a bride may choose her mother for this special task over her father.
Traditional Custom
The tradition of the father of the bride walking the bride down the aisle and “giving her away” dates back centuries. It originated in a time when daughters were viewed as their father’s property until they got married and became their husband’s property. The walk down the aisle represented the father entrusting his daughter to her new husband’s care.
Obviously, those old-fashioned views on women as property are no longer relevant. But the tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle lived on simply because people enjoyed the sentimental symbolism of it. For many brides, having their dad accompany them on the walk to meet their future spouse is a heartwarming way to honor their father and show appreciation for his love and support.
Why Some Brides Prefer Their Mother
While many brides do choose to uphold the tradition of having Dad walk them down the aisle, it’s becoming increasingly common for brides to forego tradition and choose their mother instead. Here are some reasons why:
- The bride’s father is absent, ill, or deceased. If the bride’s father cannot or will not be present to walk her down the aisle, it makes perfect sense for the bride’s mother to step in.
- The mother has been the more constant or supportive parent. Sometimes parental divorces and estrangements mean that the mother played a bigger role in the bride’s upbringing than the father did. The bride may feel more connected to their mother and want her by their side.
- The bride has a better relationship with Mom. Even in intact families, some daughters simply feel closer to their mother and prefer to honor her in this way.
- The bride’s parents approve and support Mom walking her down the aisle. With modern views on women’s autonomy and gender roles, many dads are perfectly happy to hand over this duty to the bride’s mother.
- The bride has a stepdad who will also participate. Sometimes the biological dad is still involved, but the bride wants both her stepdad and mother to play a role.
- The bride wants to be more independent. Some modern brides want to forgo the tradition of being “given away” and just have both parents, or no parent, walk with them simply as an escort instead.
Whatever the individual reasons, it’s clear that attitudes are shifting. Pew Research polls show that 55% of the public now supports mothers performing this role, whether in place of or along with fathers. And most wedding experts agree that what’s most important is honoring the bride’s preferences.
How to Handle This tactfully
For brides considering having their mother walk them down the aisle, it can feel like a delicate situation to navigate. They may worry about hurting their dad’s feelings or facing family disapproval. Here are some tips for making this decision tactfully:
- Have an honest talk with both parents. Explain your thinking and emphasize that you love them both but feel closer to Mom for this symbolic role, if that is the case. Make clear it’s not a judgment on Dad.
- Suggest ideas for how Dad can still be involved. He could do a reading, make a toast at the reception, or join Mom to escort you down part of the aisle.
- Get your fiancé’s perspective. Often dads feel reassured if the groom-to-be conveys that he understands and supports the decision.
- Give Dad time to adjust. This tradition means a lot to some dads, so learning Mom will fill this role may initially sting. But he’ll likely come around with time.
- Have other family members gently explain your reasoning if Dad is really struggling. Hearing it from siblings or relatives might ease the blow.
- Consider having both parents walk you for a compromise. Or have your dad do the last leg of the walk after your mom. This allows you to honor both.
With care and communication, brides can typically help their fathers understand and accept the choice to have Mom walk them down the aisle. Assuming Dad’s qualified approval, there’s no reason not to go forward with the plan.
Etiquette and Logistics
Once the decision is made, there are some key etiquette and logistics around how to orchestrate this:
- Make sure to update your coordinator and officiant. They’ll need to know the correct parents’ names and plan the processional accordingly.
- Have Mom practice escorting you beforehand. Go through the pace and posture for the walk so you’re comfortable together.
- Inform the DJ or band if parents will be announced. “Presenting the Mother of the Bride, Jane Smith, escorting her daughter down the aisle” is common phrasing.
- Figure out seating plans for parents. Traditionally moms sit in the front row, but adjust if needed.
- Plan mom’s outfit. She should match the level of formality of your dad’s attire, whether that’s a suit, tux, or morning dress.
- Consider gifts for both parents. Engraved cufflinks for Dad and a bracelet for Mom is one nice idea.
- Choose seating carefully at the reception. Putting parents at the same table shows unity.
With the right coordination and etiquette, this new take on tradition can go smoothly for all. The bride’s happiness is most important.
Who Else Can Walk the Bride Down the Aisle?
While fathers and now mothers most commonly fill this supporting role, they are by no means the only options. Brides choosing a nontraditional route sometimes select:
- Stepdad or stepmom
- Brother or brother-in-law
- Grandparent
- Other relative like an uncle, godfather, or cousin
- Close family friend
- The bride’s fiancé
- The bride’s children
- No one – the bride does the walk solo
It all comes down to what feels right for the bride. The person who assumes this duty just needs to be someone special who the bride wants by their side. Talking through priorities with family can help identify the ideal candidate.
Mother-Daughter Bond on Display
At its core, the walk down the aisle is about highlighting a significant relationship in the bride’s life as she embarks on marriage. For many modern brides, their mother is the natural choice to fill this supporting role on their big day.
Having Mom walk her down the aisle allows a bride to honor the nurturing bond they share. It’s a public display of the strength of their lifelong connection. For mothers, the ability to stand in solidarity with their daughter at the altar and give her away to her new husband is incredibly meaningful.
Ultimately, the bridge and groom should arrange the processional in whatever way feels most special to them. With shifting family dynamics and gender norms, brides today have many options. Choosing Mom to walk them down the aisle is a heartwarming new take on tradition that beautifully showcases the mother-daughter relationship.
Conclusion
While traditionally the father of the bride has had the honor of walking her down the aisle, modern brides should feel empowered to choose their mother for this role if that is their preference. With evolving gender norms and family structures, the mother of the bride walking the bride down the aisle is becoming increasingly common and accepted. As long as she has her parents’ blessing and handles the decision tactfully, a bride should feel comfortable bucking tradition in this way if it better suits her family circumstances and values. Having Mom share this symbolic moment can be incredibly meaningful for mothers and daughters alike. The wedding processional should focus on honoring the bride’s most significant relationships as she embarks on her marriage journey.