Quick Answer
Parents do not have the legal authority to tell 18 year olds what to do, as 18 year olds are considered legal adults. However, parents can still influence and guide their 18 year olds, who often still live at home and are financially dependent. Setting reasonable rules and having open conversations are better than “telling them what to do.”
When Does a Child Become an Adult?
In most countries, a child legally becomes an adult at the age of 18. At this point, they gain a number of rights and responsibilities that their parents previously held.
Some of the key changes that happen at 18 years old are:
- They can vote in elections
- They can consent to their own medical treatment
- They can sign legal contracts
- They can join the military without parental consent
- They are considered independent for tax purposes
So legally speaking, parents do not have the authority to force rules or decisions on their 18 year old in the way they previously could. Their child is seen as an autonomous adult.
The Reality of Young Adulthood
While legally classified as adults, most 18 year olds are still in a transitional phase into adulthood. Some key considerations:
- Most 18 year olds still live at home. A 2021 survey showed that over 60% of 18-29 year olds live with their parents.
- They are still financially dependent on parents. Parents often still pay for their college tuition, car insurance, phone bills, etc.
- Their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for judgment and decision making, is still developing until around 25 years old.
- They are inexperienced at independent living and making major life decisions.
So while legally adult, most 18 year olds still benefit from parental guidance and support as they navigate the early years of adulthood and gain life experience.
Setting Rules for 18 Year Olds
While they can no longer force rules on their 18 year old, parents can put certain expectations in place. Here are some guidelines for setting reasonable rules:
- Involve them in creating rules. Discuss what needs to happen for them to earn more independence.
- Focus rules on safety, such as no drug use, curfews, and checking in. Avoid rules focused on controlling choices.
- Write up a contract outlining rules and consequences for breaking them. Have both parties sign it.
- Clearly tie rules to privileges like living at home, use of a car, or college tuition payments.
- Be prepared to follow through on consequences if rules are broken.
Table of potential house rules and linked privileges:
| Rule | Privilege |
|---|---|
| No drug use | Can live at home |
| Curfew midnight on weekends | Use of family car |
| Monthly sit down talks with parents | Continued college tuition payments |
Fostering Open Communication
More important than setting rigid rules is establishing open, judgment-free communication with an 18 year old. Parents should:
- Ask about their interests, friendships, challenges etc. Listen without immediately judging.
- Share wisdom and life experience when asked.
- For controversial choices, focus discussion on safety not approval.
- Allow them to make some mistakes and help guide reflection on what they learned.
- Respect their privacy – they are entitled to it as legal adults.
This fosters trust and means an 18 year old will more likely seek parents’ advice rather than hide things.
Potential Conversation Starters
- “How are you feeling about starting college? Nervous, excited?”
- “I noticed you’ve become really good friends with Jenna. How did you meet?”
- “You mentioned the party you went to last weekend. I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me about it. In the future, please call me if you ever need a safe ride home.”
Allowing Natural Consequences
As long as no major health or safety risks are involved, parents may choose to allow their 18 year old to learn from natural consequences of some poor choices:
- Let them sleep through a college class and get a 0, but then have a conversation about managing time and grades.
- Don’t bail them out of credit card debt, but help them research how to pay it off.
- Allow a breakup to run its course, but be there with ice cream to listen and emphasize their resilience.
This allows them to learn from experience while knowing parents still offer guidance if needed.
Conclusion
Parents cannot control 18 year olds through rules and restrictions the way they could a younger teen. However, parents can still provide structure and support during the transitional young adult years in the following ways:
- Involve them in setting reasonable expectations linked to privileges.
- Maintain open, non-judgmental communication.
- Allow some natural consequences while providing guidance if needed.
- Offer wisdom and experience while respecting autonomy.
The goal is not to dictate to an 18 year old, but collaborate in their continued development. With mutual respect for their emerging adulthood, both parents and young adults can navigate this stage smoothly.