Menopause is a natural transition that all women go through as they age. The onset of menopause, which usually occurs between the ages of 45-55, brings with it many changes – both physical and emotional. While some women sail through “the change” with few issues, others find that menopause symptoms put a real strain on their relationships.
So can going through menopause actually lead to divorce? Let’s take a closer look at how menopause affects marriages.
How menopause changes women
During perimenopause and menopause, declining estrogen levels cause a variety of symptoms that can be challenging for women and their spouses. These include:
- Hot flashes – Sudden sensations of intense heat in the upper body, often accompanied by sweating and flushing.
- Night sweats – Episodes of extreme sweating at night, leading to sleep disturbances.
- Vaginal dryness – Thinning and dryness of the vaginal walls, making intercourse painful.
- Mood swings – Increased irritability, anxiety, depression and difficulty concentrating.
- Loss of libido – Decreased sex drive.
For many couples, the sexual symptoms of menopause (vaginal dryness and lowered libido) can negatively impact intimacy and strain the relationship. Hot flashes and night sweats also affect sleep quality, which can leave women exhausted, compounding emotional issues.
Why menopause can lead to divorce
There are a few key reasons why going through menopause may increase the likelihood of divorce for some couples:
Decline in intimacy
Diminished estrogen causes physical changes to a woman’s vagina that make sex painful. Decreased testosterone levels also dampen libido. Many studies show that the combination of uncomfortable sex and lower sex drive often causes problems in relationships at midlife.
Communication breakdown
Some women are reluctant to discuss what they are going through physically and emotionally during menopause. Partners may feel shut out, rejected, or assume their spouse is no longer attracted to them, eventually leading to resentment and disconnect.
Mood changes
Irritability, anxiety and depression resulting from menopause hormone fluctuations can take a toll on relationships over time. Partners may feel like they are constantly “walking on eggshells.”
Stress over aging
For many couples going through midlife, anxieties over aging, changing roles, empty nests, and retirement can exacerbate menopause-related tensions.
Poor coping skills
How gracefully a couple navigates menopause has a lot to do with how they handle adversity together. Those with a history of poor communication and conflict resolution are especially vulnerable to menopause-related stresses.
Does menopause actually increase divorce risk?
Many women worry that going through menopause will ruin their marriage, but does research actually show higher divorce rates for menopausal women? The data is complex, but here are some key statistics:
| Study | Findings on Menopause and Divorce |
|---|---|
| AARP Survey (2018) | 33% of divorced women over 40 said menopause was a factor in the divorce. |
| Mayo Clinic Study (2002) | Women who underwent surgical menopause had a nearly 2x higher divorce rate. |
| Stanford Study (1992) | Couples that rated their marriages worse during menopause were more likely to later divorce. |
Overall, research seems to indicate there is a correlation between going through menopause and higher divorce rates. However, menopause in and of itself does not cause divorce. Much depends on the couple’s relationship dynamic before menopause, and their ability to adapt together.
Tips for protecting your marriage through menopause
While menopause may present certain challenges, there are proactive steps couples can take to safeguard their relationship during this transition:
Communicate openly
Talk to your husband about what you are experiencing physically and emotionally, and how it affects you. Silence and secrecy tend to worsen problems. Therapy can help facilitate difficult discussions.
Get educated together
Read up on menopause and what to expect. Information will help both of you understand what is “normal.” Share what you learn with each other.
Explore intimacy aids
Address pain during sex by using lubricants, vaginal moisturizers and low-dose estrogen creams. Try non-penetrative intimacy. Work with your doctor if libido is a major issue.
Discuss division of duties
Renegotiate responsibilities like chores and childcare if you are overwhelmed. Menopause fatigue and concentration lapses may require temporary accommodation.
Seek support
Connect with other women going through menopause, through support groups, workshops or online communities. Therapists can also help you manage mood swings.
Make time to connect
Prioritize intimacy by setting aside couple time, dating and taking breaks together, even if you’re exhausted. Touch, cuddling and emotional closeness matter.
Practice self-care
Focus on your individual well-being through healthy habits like exercise, nutrition, socializing, relaxing hobbies. This helps increase resilience.
Have realistic expectations
Understand that menopause changes things, and be patient with yourself and your partner as you adjust to the changes together.
When to seek marriage counseling
If you’ve tried communicating, troubleshooting and working on your relationship but continue to argue frequently, grow apart emotionally, or talk about separating, it may be time to seek professional help. A counselor can:
- Improve communication and listening skills
- Help you understand each other’s experiences and perspectives
- Teach conflict resolution techniques
- Guide you through mapping out solutions
- Refer you to therapists or medical professionals as needed
Don’t wait until your marriage is falling apart. Getting help sooner improves the chances of reconciliation.
The key takeaway
While many couples do experience more conflict during the menopause transition, divorce is far from inevitable. Being aware of the challenges ahead of time, communicating openly, being willing to get help when needed, and focusing on your relationship can go a long way in getting you through menopause as a team.