What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder characterized by intense and unstable emotions, impulsive behaviors, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships. Splitting is one of the key symptoms of BPD. Splitting refers to seeing things in black and white categories, with no middle ground. People with BPD tend to split those around them into “all good” or “all bad” categories, switching from loving and idolizing someone one moment to hating them the next. This leads to highly tumultuous relationships. So an important question is – can borderlines stop splitting? Let’s explore.
The Causes of Splitting
Splitting originates from early childhood experiences with inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive caregivers. This conditions the child to see relationships and people in extremes. Several factors contribute to continued splitting as adults:
- Poor sense of self – Borderlines often have a weak and fragmented sense of self, making it hard to integrate different perspectives of people.
- Emotional dysregulation – Intense, rapidly fluctuating emotions fuel splitting.
- Cognitive distortions – All-or-nothing thinking fuels splitting.
- Unresolved trauma – Early attachment wounds drive the need to split.
These factors make it very difficult for borderlines to have an integrated, nuanced view of people.
Can DBT Therapy Help Reduce Splitting?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is considered the gold standard treatment for BPD. It has four key components:
- Mindfulness – Helps increase emotional awareness and control impulses.
- Distress tolerance – Teaches coping skills to manage upsetting situations without making them worse.
- Emotion regulation – Helps understand emotions and reduce emotional reactivity.
- Interpersonal effectiveness – Focuses on balanced perspectives of self and others.
The interpersonal effectiveness skills directly help counter splitting by:
- Seeing people as complex, without demonizing or idolizing them
- Tolerating ambiguity and disappointment in relationships
- Balancing attention to one’s own needs and others’ needs
DBT therapists also help clients identify triggering situations, validate emotions, and utilize skills to avoid major relational splits. Research shows DBT significantly improves BPD symptoms and interpersonal functioning. One study found 74% of borderlines who completed a year of DBT no longer met BPD criteria.
Can Medications Help?
Certain medications may support reducing splitting:
- Antidepressants – Helps regulate mood and emotions
- Anti-anxiety medication – Lessens emotional reactivity
- Mood stabilizers – Helps even out mood swings
However, medication alone is unlikely to change entrenched behavioral patterns like splitting. The most progress is seen when meds are combined with psychotherapy.
Case Examples of Borderlines Recovering from Splitting
To further illustrate whether borderlines can overcome splitting, here are two case examples:
Sarah’s Story
Sarah was a 32 year old woman diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. Her relationships followed a cycle of intense attachment and idealization of partners when things were smooth. When conflict arose, she would demonize partners, erupting in rages and accusing them of not caring about her. This led to frequent breakups.
After starting DBT, Sarah slowly learned skills to self-soothe during conflicts and express her needs constructively. She practiced seeing her partners as complex people who made mistakes, but were not “all bad”. Over time, Sarah tolerated more imperfection without dissolving relationships completely. After a year of DBT, her splitting had reduced by 80%.
Mike’s Story
Mike was a 27 year old man with BPD prone to frequent job changes due to splitting on co-workers and bosses. He constantly oscillated between viewing them as incompetent fools to looking up to them as mentors, based on minor frictions. This made work relationships very unstable.
Through medication and DBT, Mike was able to build more realistic perceptions of colleagues, neither demonizing nor idealizing them. He could recognize their strengths and flaws as normal human traits. He responded to frustrations in healthier ways. Within 2 years, Mike achieved greater job stability and significant improvement in his splitting.
Factors That Make Splitting Harder to Change
While many borderlines can recover from splitting, some factors make progress more challenging:
- Lack of self-awareness about splitting behavior
- Active substance abuse or addiction
- Severe comorbid disorders like bipolar disorder
- Highly chaotic or abusive living environment
- Personality disorders in romantic partners
These factors disrupt recovery by making it harder for borderlines to implement healthy coping skills and behaviors. A highly turbulent environment keeps reinforcing the splitting.
Tips for Borderlines Struggling with Splitting
Borderlines wanting to overcome splitting should:
- Start DBT therapy and stick to it
- Avoid relationships with partners who have untreated personality disorders
- Don’t make major life decisions while splitting – wait for calmer moments
- Limit time with people who reinforce splitting
- Keep a diary tracking splits – identifies patterns
- Apologize to rebuild relationships after splits calm down
Implementing these consistently along with professional treatment can help borderlines gain control over splitting.
Conclusion
Borderlines can overcome splitting, especially through interventions like DBT therapy. But it requires tremendous effort and support. Recovery is a long journey with ups and downs. But each small gain helps borderlines build more stability in perceptions, emotions and relationships. With time, splitting reduces and they can integrate more balanced views of themselves, others and the world. Consistent hard work in treatment empowers borderlines to take control over BPD.