Can a relationship last after cheating?

Infidelity can completely shake the foundation of a romantic relationship and leave both partners wondering if it’s possible to rebuild the trust that’s been lost. For some couples, an act of cheating marks the definitive end of the relationship. However, others are able to work through cheating and recover a happy and fulfilling relationship. This article explores whether it’s truly possible for a couple to survive infidelity and maintain a strong relationship after an affair.

Table of Contents

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?

Before exploring whether a relationship can survive infidelity, it’s important to define exactly what’s meant by “cheating.” Generally, cheating involves one partner engaging in romantic or sexual behaviors with someone else outside of the primary relationship. This could include:

Having sexual intercourse with someone else
Engaging in other sexual activities like oral sex, sexting, etc.
Kissing or making out

Dating another person romantically
Developing a romantic, emotional attachment to someone else

However, each couple may have slightly different boundaries for what constitutes cheating in their own relationship. It’s important for partners to communicate openly and define boundaries together to have a shared understanding of what would be considered cheating.

How common is cheating in relationships?

Cheating in relationships is fairly common, though the actual statistics vary. Some surveys have found rates of infidelity to be as high as 30-40% among dating or married couples. However, it’s difficult to measure exactly how prevalent cheating is since many cases likely go unreported. Here are some statistics on cheating in relationships:

In one survey, 19% of married men and 13% of married women admitted to cheating at some point.
Younger generations may be more likely to cheat than older ones. In one study, 16% of Baby Boomers reported infidelity compared to 22% of Millennials.

In couples where one partner has cheated, it’s estimated that 35% will end the relationship right away, while 65% will try to work through it.
The vast majority of cheating partners – around 90% – regret the infidelity and say they still love their primary partner.

So while cheating is fairly widespread, there are also many couples who are able to move forward after infidelity. The likelihood of overcoming cheating may depend on factors like the reasons behind the affair, whether it’s a first offense or repeated behavior, and how motivated both people are to fix the relationship.

Why do people cheat in relationships?

There are many complex emotional and psychological reasons why someone might violate the trust of a partner and engage in cheating behaviors. Understanding the root causes can sometimes help a couple work through the issues and prevent cheating in the future. Some common reasons people cite for infidelity include:

Feeling neglected/unappreciated: They don’t feel valued and emotionally supported in the relationship.
Seeking an ego boost: They crave the excitement and validation of feeling desired by another person.

Self-esteem issues: They have insecurities and are looking for reassurance about their self-worth or attractiveness.
Lacking communication: There are unresolved problems in the relationship that haven’t been adequately addressed.
Boredom: They feel the relationship has become dull, monotonous and passionless.

Unmet needs: Their sexual, intimate or emotional needs aren’t being fulfilled by their partner.
Avoiding commitment: They have intimacy or commitment issues and fear being trapped in a long-term relationship.

Again, the reasons behind cheating can be complex and multi-layered. Past trauma, intimacy problems, communication issues, stress, or other factors could all potentially play a role. Understanding the root cause can help the couple identify relationship weaknesses to be strengthened.

How does the discovery of cheating impact a relationship?

Discovering a partner’s affair can be absolutely devastating and shatter fundamental trust in the relationship. Common emotional reactions in the aftermath of discovering cheating include:

Shock, confusion, disbelief
Anger, rage, betrayal

Hurt, heartbreak, grief
Embarrassment, humiliation
Inadequacy, blow to self-esteem

Fear, anxiety about the future

These painful emotions don’t disappear overnight. The betrayed partner often cycles through various reactions in the days, weeks, and even months after learning about the cheating. Typically, the strongest feelings are in the initial aftermath of the revelation, but trust takes a long time to rebuild.

In addition to the emotional fallout, the discovery of cheating also damages the practical aspects of the relationship. Communication may break down entirely with feelings of anger on both sides. The intimate and sexual components of the relationship are also likely to suffer after cheating. Parties may withdraw from each other or lash out during this turbulent time.

Can therapy help couples survive cheating?

Seeking professional counseling is often crucial for navigating the aftermath of infidelity. Many couples find it virtually impossible to fully work through emotions and recover on their own after such a painful betrayal. A therapist can provide tools and structure to the process of healing the relationship after cheating. Some of the key areas therapy helps with include:

Processing the trauma: Helps both partners vent emotions and provides coping strategies for the betrayal trauma.
Communication tactics: Teaches skills for having open, honest dialogue to address issues and rebuild intimacy.

Forgiveness: Works toward understanding root causes and fostering forgiveness where possible.
Building trust: Exercises and practices to help the injured partner regain faith in the relationship.
Healing intimacy issues: Addresses problems in sexual and emotional intimacy that may have contributed to infidelity.

Prevention: Identifies red flags and helps institute boundaries to prevent future cheating.

The involvement of a compassionate, trained therapist provides the best chance for reconciliation after cheating. But both partners need to be fully committed to the process for it to work long-term.

Steps for trying to repair a relationship after cheating

If both partners want to try to salvage the relationship after infidelity, there are some basic steps that can promote healing:

The cheating partner must end the affair completely. They should have no further contact with the affair partner, take full responsibility for their actions, and be transparent moving forward.
Seek counseling, both individually and as a couple. Professional support provides the best chance to rebuild trust and communication.
The cheating partner should answer questions honestly. They must be open and transparent in discussing details to help the hurt partner process it.

The hurt partner should not be afraid to express their emotions. Bottling up anger, hurt, fear, etc. will undermine recovery.
Focus on rebuilding connection through quality time together. Dates, intimacy exercises, shared activities and more can rekindle bonding.
Identify issues that led to cheating and work to resolve them. This could involve improving communication, being more vulnerable, seeking help for individual problems, etc.

Set clear boundaries to prevent future cheating. Make expectations very clear, but try to approach it in a spirit of understanding.

With consistent effort from both parties, reconciliation after cheating is possible. But the betrayer must fully own their actions and commit to repairing the damage for the long haul.

How long does it take to get over cheating in a relationship?

There is no set timeline for getting over cheating – it depends on the individuals and circumstances involved. For many, just recovering from the initial shock and emotional fallout of discovering a partner’s affair can take weeks or months. Beginning to rebuild trust and intimacy could take 6 months to a year or more. Some experts suggest the following general timeline:

1-3 months: The acute anger, grief, tension calms down somewhat but much hurt still lingers.
3-6 months: The hurt partner continues processing feelings, while the betrayer apologizes and answers questions.
6-12 months: Communication gradually improves, trust is slowly rebuilt, and intensity of emotions decreases.

1-2 years: The relationship starts to feel fun and affectionate again, with lingering triggers.
2+ years: Infidelity feels firmly in the past, trust is mostly restored, with occasional pangs.

Again, every situation is unique, and some may take longer if the betrayal was particularly traumatic or partners aren’t putting in equal effort. Consistent counseling and practicing strategies for connection are key to facilitating forgiveness.

Are some types of cheating more likely to end a relationship?

Certain types of cheating behaviors are typically much harder for a relationship to recover from. Some of the highest-risk situations include:

Repeated infidelity – Multiple occurrences rather than a one-time lapse indicate a deeper issue.
Long-term deception – Hiding an affair for years can destroy trust.

Emotional cheating – Falling in love with the other partner rather than a primarily physical affair.
Betrayal of loved ones – Affairs within a friend group or with relatives cut especially deep.
Continued dishonesty – Trickle-truthing rather than owning the actions.

While no infidelity should be taken lightly, certain patterns of cheating behavior or violations of emotional intimacy make recovery vastly more difficult. Each couple must evaluate their unique situation.

What percentage of couples stay together after cheating?

Estimates vary on exactly how many couples are able to survive cheating and stay together. According to various surveys and research:

About 35-65% of couples in the general population stay together after infidelity.

When the cheating partner is male, couples more commonly stay together, at around 75%.
When the female partner cheats, relationships more often end, at around 35% staying together.
Younger couples tend to break up more often after infidelity than older couples who have been together for years.

When the cheating is revealed voluntarily rather than discovered, reconciliation is more common.

No matter what the statistics say, each situation has unique complexities. With professional support and commitment from both parties, many couples do demonstrate it’s possible to heal a relationship after infidelity.

When is it better to end the relationship after cheating?

While it may be possible to salvage a relationship post-cheating, in some cases it’s healthier for both people to let go and move on. Breaking up after infidelity may be warranted if:

The cheater shows no real remorse and blames the hurt partner.
Trust is broken to the point where resentment has built up past repair.
Patterns of dishonesty and betrayal have occurred throughout the relationship.

The hurt partner’s self-esteem and self-worth have been destroyed.
Life goals and visions for the future no longer align.
The effort to reconcile stops feeling worth it for one or both partners.

Ending a relationship is always difficult. But ultimately both people need to carefully evaluate whether the bond can genuinely be repaired or if parting ways is the healthier path forward.

Can infidelity actually strengthen a relationship?

It may seem impossible to believe in the thick of addressing cheating, but some couples do report that recovering actually brought them closer. Going through the intense process of rebuilding intimacy, trust, communication after infidelity can strengthen the relationship in new ways. Potential benefits may include:

More open, vulnerable communication than ever before.

Discussing underlying issues and unmet needs.
More interest and effort put into the relationship.
Greater empathy, compassion, and forgiveness for each other.

Recognizing their commitment and how much they stand to lose.
More passion and desire to “win back” their partner.

That being said, the affair can never be framed as a “good” thing. It should be viewed as a wake-up call to improve the relationship, rather than as a shortcut to closeness. The cheating partner absolutely needs to take responsibility. But if both parties put in the hard work, a stronger union could result.

How to build trust after cheating

After cheating shakes the foundation of a relationship, rebuilding trust is crucial for reconciliation and moving forward. Some tips for the cheating partner to begin rebuilding trust include:

Be fully transparent – give access to phones and accounts.
Check-in consistently throughout the day.

Follow through consistently on promises and agreements.
Answer questions openly and honestly, even if repeatedly.
Put your partner first – tune into their needs.

Acknowledge your past mistakes and take responsibility.
Give your partner time to process emotions without getting defensive.

Additionally, the hurt partner should try not to rush the trust-building process or have unrealistic expectations. With patience and consistency from both people, faith can be gradually restored over time.

Healthy ways for couples to rebuild intimacy after an affair

Cheating often creates distance between partners and disrupts intimacy. To come back together, couples can try activities like:

Joint counseling – Provides exercises and advice tailored to infidelity recovery.
Weekly check-ins – Share feelings, updates, and relationship “wins” for the week.

Intimacy exercises – Help rekindle emotional and physical closeness through guided practices.
Shared hobbies – Bond through fun activities totally unrelated to the affair.
Relationship books/podcasts – Take in ideas and strategies focused on post-affair healing.

Vulnerability – Open up about inner thoughts and emotions to invite closeness.
Acts of service – Do little helpful gestures and favors to show caring.

Recovering a sense of partnership takes effort and can feel awkward. But consistency is key – intimacy will gradually feel safer and more natural again over time.

Conclusion

Discovering a partner’s cheating can be an incredibly painful experience and pose a real test for any relationship. While many couples do ultimately separate after infidelity, it is possible for a committed relationship to be even stronger after recovering from an affair. With willingness from both people to put in dedicated effort – as well as professional support from a couples’ therapist – trust can be rebuilt and a loving connection can survive.