Infidelity in a relationship can be devastating and make it feel like things will never be the same again. When one partner strays outside of the relationship and breaks the trust, it throws the foundations of that relationship into question. Many relationships don’t recover from infidelity and ultimately end. However, that doesn’t have to be the case. While it is difficult, some relationships are able to heal after infidelity and regain a sense of normalcy. It requires a lot of work, commitment, communication, and forgiveness on both parts, but reconciliation is possible if both partners want it.
How common is infidelity?
Infidelity is unfortunately quite common. Statistics show that approximately 15-20% of married couples experience infidelity at some point. However, the rates may be higher as many incidents likely go unreported. While men historically have been considered more likely to cheat, rates for women have been rising and are now close to the same. The most common reasons people cite for infidelity include issues like lack of satisfaction in the relationship, lack of emotional intimacy, boredom, or the thrill of novelty and excitement. Situational factors like opportunity and alcohol use also play a role. However, the specific reasons that motivate someone to cheat can be complex and multi-faceted.
Why do people cheat in relationships?
There are many potential reasons why someone might cheat in a relationship, including:
- Feeling disconnected from their partner
- Problems with intimacy or sex in the relationship
- Seeking an emotional connection they feel is missing
- Boredom or novelty-seeking
- Feeling taken for granted
- Anger or desire to get revenge
- Flattery from unwanted attention and affirmation from someone new
- Substance use lowering inhibitions
- Issues with commitment, maturity, or impulsivity
- A history of cheating or attachment issues
While the reasons people cheat can be complex, it often comes down to seeking something that is lacking in the primary relationship, whether that is excitement, intimacy, validation, or some other unmet need. However, the cheater is ultimately responsible for their decision.
Can cheating be forgiven?
Whether cheating can be forgiven depends on the couple, the circumstances, and each partner’s values. Some people view infidelity as an automatic deal-breaker and are unable to move past that breach of trust. For others, cheating is grounds for forgiveness if the partner who cheated takes responsibility, shows remorse and commits to rebuilding trust. Betrayal is deeply painful, so it’s normal to be hesitant about forgiveness after infidelity. However, if both partners want to reconcile, it is possible in many cases with time, work, and commitment to the relationship.
Steps for reconciliation after cheating
Recovering from infidelity and getting the relationship back to a good place involves several steps for both parties:
- Honest dialogue: The cheating needs to be openly addressed with communication, processing feelings, and answering any questions from the betrayed partner.
- Taking responsibility: The unfaithful partner needs to own their mistake and make amends without blaming their behavior on the other person.
- Rebuilding trust: Through transparency and consistent respectful behavior, the cheating partner rebuilds the trust that was broken.
- Address underlying issues: Any relationship problems or personal issues that may have contributed to the infidelity should be worked through.
- Making the choice to forgive: The betrayed partner makes an active choice to forgive, release resentment and move forward.
- Allow time for healing: Recovery happens gradually through ongoing effort, and the pain may resurface occasionally.
With consistent hard work from both parties, it is possible to get back to a healthy loving relationship again over time. However, both partners need to want reconciliation.
What is the success rate for reconciling after infidelity?
Statistics on the success rate for repairing a relationship after cheating show mixed results:
- In one study, about 31% of couples reported staying together after infidelity.
- Other estimates suggest the success rate is around 50% for marriages surviving after an affair.
- Much depends on the individual circumstances and severity of the infidelity.
- Couples counseling significantly improves the chances of reconciliation.
- When both partners are fully committed to making it work, there is a 79% chance of overcoming infidelity.
So while challenging, many couples are able to move past cheating if they actively work to rebuild trust and intimacy. About half are able to save the relationship. But it takes time and considerable effort through the healing process.
How long does it take to get over cheating?
There is no set timeframe for getting over infidelity. Healing is a very individual process influenced by many factors. However, experts estimate it usually takes a minimum of:
- 2 years to re-establish real trust and a stable relationship.
- 5 years for the emotions about the affair to completely subside.
Much depends on the unique situation, severity of the cheating, and how proactive each partner is in the reconciliation process. With consistent effort, emotional equilibrium often returns after 1-2 years. But complete healing can take longer depending on the people and relationship.
What are the stages of healing after infidelity?
The stages that a couple moves through while reconciling after infidelity often follow this general pattern:
- Crisis: Initial shock, intense emotions, and relationship volatility in the aftermath of discovery.
- Assessment: Evaluating the reasons why it happened and desire to reconcile.
- Stabilization: Making major decisions about staying together and initial steps to stop repetitive behavior.
- Healing: Active repair of the relationship, rebuilding intimacy slowly over time.
- Forgiveness: Releasing resentment, granting forgiveness, and focusing on the present.
The intensity and duration of each stage varies by situation. But working through them with intention is key to giving the relationship a chance to mend.
How can couples therapy help?
Seeing a couples counselor or therapist trained in treating infidelity can increase the chances of successfully reconciling. Therapy helps in several key ways:
- Having a neutral third party mediate discussions
- Learning skills for rebuilding intimacy and trust
- Identifying issues that led to cheating in the first place
- Holding the cheating partner accountable
- Overcoming resentment and insecurity on the part of the betrayed partner
- Enhancing communication and conflict resolution
With expert guidance tailored to the situation, couples are often better equipped to heal the relationship. However, both partners need to be willing to participate in the therapy process.
Conclusion
Overcoming infidelity and getting back to normal after someone cheats is challenging but definitely possible. It takes tremendous effort from both partners to actively work through very complex emotions and rebuild broken trust. With consistent hard work and commitment to the relationship, many couples do manage to move past cheating. However, it takes time to truly heal. And fundamental problems in the relationship or with the cheating partner themselves may prevent reconciliation. So while difficult, if both partners ultimately want to be together, it is possible to have a happy and fulfilling relationship again after infidelity with the right support and tools.