Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. These symptoms can make it difficult for a person with PTSD to feel safe, trust others, and connect emotionally in relationships. However, with treatment and support, people with PTSD can absolutely experience love and have healthy, fulfilling relationships.
What is PTSD?
PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people after they experience a shocking, terrifying, or dangerous event. Some examples of traumatic events that can lead to PTSD include:
- Combat exposure
- Childhood physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- Physical or sexual assault
- Serious accidents such as a car wreck
- Natural disasters
- Witnessing death or serious injury
During a traumatic event, people often feel intense fear, helplessness or horror. After the trauma, they may then re-experience those feelings and memories repeatedly through flashbacks, nightmares or intrusive thoughts. They may avoid anything associated with the trauma and feel emotionally numb or detached from others. Many also feel constantly on guard, irritable or are easily startled. These symptoms cause significant distress and functional impairment in important areas of life.
For a PTSD diagnosis, symptoms must last at least a month and be severe enough to interfere with relationships or work. About 3.5% of adults will experience PTSD at some point in their lives. Effective treatments are available to help manage symptoms. With professional help, many people with PTSD can go on to have positive relationships.
Common Relationship Challenges with PTSD
PTSD can understandably create barriers to intimacy and connection in romantic relationships. Some common challenges couples face include:
- Difficulty with emotional intimacy and trust
- Trouble feeling safe and secure
- Avoiding intimacy or loss of interest in sex
- Feeling detached or disconnected from partner
- Irritability, anger outbursts, hypervigilance
- Lack of communication and partnership
PTSD symptoms like hyperarousal and avoidance can make it hard to get close and connect with a partner. The traumatized person may feel too vulnerable opening up and being intimate after a trauma. They may even associate intimacy with the traumatic event, making sex difficult. Anger issues and emotional numbness also drive couples apart.
But while PTSD presents very real obstacles, trauma survivors can still absolutely experience love, intimacy and commitment in relationships, especially with the right support.
Overcoming Relationship Struggles
It takes effort, patience and commitment from both partners, but many couples find that their relationship deepens as they work to overcome the challenges of PTSD together. Some tips for navigating relationships with PTSD include:
- Get professional treatment. Various therapies and medications can help manage PTSD symptoms.
- Practice open communication. Share feelings and fears without judgment.
- Work together as a team. Approach issues as “us vs. the problem” not you vs. me.
- Compromise and negotiate needs. For example, set aside special alone time.
- Seek couple’s counseling. A therapist can help facilitate discussions.
- Join a support group. Connect with others experiencing similar issues.
- Be patient and lower expectations temporarily. Healing takes time.
- Focus on non-sexual intimacy. Cuddle, hold hands, kiss, massage.
- Practice relaxation skills. Meditation, yoga, deep breathing reduce anxiety.
While bumps in the road are inevitable, couples should try to extend grace and understanding as they navigate the healing process hand-in-hand. With commitment, compassion and professional support, an even deeper bond can form.
Does PTSD Affect Capacity to Love?
PTSD can make relationships more challenging, but rest assured – PTSD in no way diminishes someone’s capacity to love or be loved. The symptoms that drive couples apart are ultimately survival mechanisms that protected the trauma victim in the aftermath of crisis. These instinctual reactions served a purpose at one time.
While past trauma may resurface in current relationships and interefere with intimacy, the trauma is the issue – not the person’s heart or intentions. Their spirit remains whole. With time, inner transformation can unfold as old wounds are processed and healed.
Many with PTSD describe feeling more openhearted as recovery progresses. They regain ability to trust, feel safe and connect on deeper levels. Love builds resilience and offers the greatest healing power of all. When given patience, understanding and professional help, people with PTSD can absolutely have healthy, loving relationships.
Does my Partner’s PTSD Mean They Don’t Love Me?
When someone you love has PTSD, their symptoms can sometimes make you feel pushed away, shut out or unloved – but this does not at all mean they don’t love or care for you deeply. Above all, remember that PTSD is the problem, not the person.
While they may struggle to express it, rest assured your partner’s emotions and attachment run deep beneath the trauma response. Intense anxiety, numbing, anger and hypervigilance often overwhelm the senses and make it incredibly difficult for them to feel safe enough to open up. But you have not lost each other.
With time, professional help, and a compassion for what they’re struggling with, they can feel secure enough to come out from behind the protective armor PTSD put up, bit by bit. They will learn how to feel trust, joy and love again with support, coping skills and years of patience and care from you.
You both may need to creatively redefine what emotional intimacy and feeling loved looks like during the healing process. While their heart may feel closed off, there are still countless ways to retain a sense of connection through this time. Don’t lose hope. Their PTSD symptoms do not at all reflect a lack of real love or care for you.
Tips for Feeling Loved When Your Partner Has PTSD
- Communicate openly and gently about your needs
- Focus on the positive interactions, not the negatives
- Spend quality time together doing uplifting shared activities
- Write love notes reminding them how cherished they are
- Offer words of affirmation, encouragement and praise
- Be patient – it takes years and hard work to heal from trauma
- Seek your own counseling or join a support group
- Practice self-care and coping skills for caregiver stress
- Remember their symptoms are due to inner wounds – not a lack of love
With compassion and the right support, rest assured a person with PTSD absolutely can love, and be loved, deeply. Focus on blaming the trauma symptoms, not the person, and you’ll get through this together.
Positive Aspects of Dating Someone with PTSD
While PTSD can add complications, many couples also report positive aspects of dating someone with PTSD, including:
- Increased empathy, understanding and compassion for each other
- Strengthened communication and conflict resolution skills
- Deeper sense of relationship commitment and loyalty
- Greater patience, presence and emotional maturity
- Shared spiritual journey through the healing process
- Feeling you can handle anything together as a team
- Joint personal growth and inner resilience
Working through trauma can transform a relationship into one of immense strength, unity, empathy and triumph. Couples may just need to reframe challenges, access support and adjust expectations at times. With love, perseverance and professional help, these relationships can absolutely thrive.
Healing Takes Time, But You Can Do This
Progress will come in small steps forward and back as deep wounds are processed. But know every little breakthrough toward trust, joy and intimacy is monumental. Healing will unfold one baby step at a time. As long as both partners remain committed to the relationship and trauma recovery, connection and love can slowly blossom.
On bad days, cling to patience, self-care and compassion. On good days, embrace playfulness, intimacy and hope. With professional support, open communication, accountability and undying devotion, your relationship can come out even stronger for having weathered these storms side-by-side.
You’ve got this. And yes – without question – a person with PTSD can absolutely love and be loved in return. The human spirit remains resilient and whole.
Conclusion
PTSD can undoubtedly complicate relationships, but it in no way diminishes one’s capacity to give or receive love. While past trauma may interfere with emotional and physical intimacy at times, this is not a reflection of love lost. With professional treatment, open communication, devotion and ongoing support from partners and therapists alike, relationships can absolutely thrive and grow stronger. Love offers the light that guides the way through the healing journey. While difficult, it is beyond possible for people with PTSD to have healthy, fulfilling relationships built on connection, compassion and joyful intimacy. We all deserve the chance to love and be loved.