A narcissistic husband can present many challenges in a marriage. Narcissism is characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. These traits can make it difficult for a narcissistic husband to have a loving, equal relationship with his wife. However, the answer is complex, as narcissism exists on a spectrum. In some cases, with self-awareness, commitment to change, and professional help, it may be possible for a narcissistic husband to develop greater love and care for his spouse.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by:
– Grandiose sense of self-importance
– Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty or perfect love
– Belief they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
– Need for excessive admiration
– Sense of entitlement
– Interpersonally exploitative behavior
– Lack of empathy
– Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
– Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Signs of narcissism in husbands
Narcissistic husbands may exhibit some of the following signs:
– Need to be the center of attention
– Take advantage of their wife’s kindness
– Expect flattery and compliments
– React poorly or abusively to criticism
– Blame others for their own shortcomings
– Feel their needs are more important than their wife’s needs
– Have an inflated sense of talent or abilities
– Monopolize conversations
– Look down on people they perceive as inferior
– Expect preferential treatment
– Constantly seek confirmation of their perceived superiority
– Become jealous when their wife excels
Can a narcissistic husband have a loving relationship?
For a narcissistic husband to have a truly loving, mutual relationship with his wife is very challenging, but not necessarily impossible. Some factors that determine whether real love can exist include:
Level of narcissism
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Husbands with milder narcissistic traits may have an easier time developing loving feelings and behaviors than those who have extreme, pathological narcissism. With therapy, self-awareness, and effort, milder cases may learn to manage their negative qualities. However, more severe narcissism can be extremely difficult to change.
Willingness to work on change
A narcissistic husband has to recognize his behaviors are damaging and be willing to work hard over time to alter them. This requires a high degree of self-awareness and humility – traits that are often lacking in narcissists. But some narcissists, when faced with divorce or loss, may realize they need to change.
Commitment to professional help
It is very difficult for a narcissist to change engrained behaviors on their own. Often, years of therapy with a psychologist who specializes in narcissism are needed. The narcissistic husband must be willing to be vulnerable, look critically at himself, and follow expert guidance. Progress may be slow and uneven.
Partner’s strengths
Does the wife have the emotional resources to enforce her boundaries, demand better treatment, and develop aspects of the relationship not focused solely on the narcissistic husband’s needs? A wife with less self-esteem may enable narcissistic behaviors. A stronger partner can demand effort and gradually shape the dynamic.
Steps a narcissistic husband can take to become more loving
If a narcissistic husband is willing to work on changing, he can:
– Seek diagnosis and therapy from a psychologist. This will provide coping techniques for narcissistic urges and expert guidance.
– Learn his wife’s love languages and tailor behaviors to meet her needs. For example, give physical affection, words of affirmation, quality time.
– Practice empathy by imagining his wife’s perspective before reacting. Understand her emotions.
– Identify triggers for negative reactions. Determine healthier responses. For example, take a time out when criticism arises.
– Make amends for past behavior and accept consequences. This builds trust and equality.
– Be proactive in providing support day-to-day. Don’t wait for your wife’s requests.
– Give compliments and express gratitude for all your wife does. Recognize her talents and qualities.
– Admit faults and shortcomings rather than blaming others. Take responsibility for mistakes.
– Allow your wife space to pursue her own interests and friendships. Don’t demand constant attention.
– Work collaboratively on relationship goals and give your wife equal say. Respect her opinions.
Signs a narcissistic husband is developing greater love and care
Narcissists are skillful at pretending to change temporarily. However, consistent improvement in these areas can indicate more authentic loving behaviors:
– Shows interest in your activities and passions, remembers and asks about them
– Expresses appreciation for your qualities and abilities
– Is willing to compromise and accommodate your needs
– Gives more weight to your opinions and desires
– Learns from conflicts and criticisms rather than lashing out
– Makes an effort to help out with domestic tasks and responsibilities
– Apologizes for mistakes and follows through on changing hurtful behaviors
– Prioritizes quality couple time and attends to your emotional needs
– Opens up with you about vulnerabilities and treats you as an equal
– Gives heartfelt compliments that show understanding of what is important to you
– Consistently puts your needs and the relationship before their own gratification
Can narcissism be cured completely?
Most mental health professionals believe narcissism cannot be cured but can be managed with diligent therapy. Even with dedicated effort, a narcissist is likely to remain on the self-centered and egocentric end of the personality spectrum. However, coping strategies can be learned so negative behaviors are not expressed as often or intensely. More mildly narcissistic husbands may be able to strengthen their capacity for empathy and love.
When is it time to leave a narcissistic husband?
If a narcissistic husband remains manipulative and toxic despite interventions, it may be time to exit the marriage. Other signs it may be time to leave include:
– Your husband refuses therapy or claims change isn’t needed
– You don’t feel safe (emotional or physical abuse)
– The relationship is draining you emotionally and harming your self-esteem
– Your needs are never being considered
– You have become depressed, anxious or ill from the stress
– The narcissist frequently blames you for their behavior or shortcomings
– The situation is negatively impacting your children
– You have given many chances for change with no lasting improvement
Leaving a narcissist can be extremely difficult and even dangerous. Having social, legal and therapeutic support is critical. With the right strategies and precautions, it is possible to move forward into a healthier future.
Can a narcissist fall in love?
Narcissists can have a very self-focused, shallow form of love. They may profess intense passion early on in order to win a partner over. But this excitement often fades as the narcissist loses interest when a partner ceases to adequately prop up their ego. Their “love” does not mature into true intimacy, vulnerability, sacrifice or commitment. It’s more accurate to say they become infatuated with how a partner enhances their self-image. However, rarely, when highly motivated, they may transform superficial feelings into deeper connection through tremendous effort over time.
Conclusion
In many cases, narcissism is too ingrained for a husband to become truly loving. Pathological narcissism is extremely resistant to change. However, milder forms may be amenable to improvement with exceptional dedication. A narcissistic husband has to be willing to endure the discomfort inherent in honest self-reflection, apology, and accountability. Even then, relapses into entitlement and selfishness are common. Change is gradual and uneven. Without proper diagnosis, therapy and motivation, it may be unrealistic to expect a narcissist husband to become capable of the equality, compromise and empathy required in a loving relationship.