Having a second child is both exciting and nerve-wracking for many parents. While the birth of a new baby brings joy, it also raises questions about how a second child will impact the family dynamic and the happiness of the firstborn. Here we explore the research behind second child happiness and ways to foster joy for the whole family when baby number two arrives.
Do second babies tend to be happier?
Several studies have looked at happiness levels in firstborn versus secondborn children. The findings show that second babies do tend to be slightly happier, on average, than their older siblings. Some key points from the research:
- A large study of over 20,000 families found that second-born children scored about 2% higher on happiness scales than firstborns.
- Firstborns are more likely to be perfectionists and worriers, while secondborns tend to be more relaxed and cooperative.
- As the youngest child, second babies may be more coddled and less burdened with responsibilities.
- Older siblings can act as entertainers and caregivers for the second child, bringing them joy.
However, the differences between first and second born happiness are relatively small. Overall environment and parenting play a much bigger role than birth order alone.
Why might second children be happier?
Researchers have proposed several theories for why later-born children might be somewhat happier than firstborns:
- Less pressure: Firstborns often absorb more parental anxiety, as everything is new for first-time parents. Secondborns tend to benefit from more relaxed, confident parents.
- Built-in playmate: Having an older sibling means there is always someone around to play with and look up to.
- More attention: With just one child, it can be hard for parents to divide attention between the baby and other responsibilities. A second child means siblings can entertain each other.
- Personality differences: On average, firstborns tend to be more conscientious, competitive and anxious, while secondborns are often more agreeable and laidback.
Do firstborns get jealous with a new sibling?
It’s very common for firstborn children to experience some jealousy when a new baby enters the family. After all, they went from 100% of mom and dad’s attention to having to share! Studies indicate that up to three-quarters of firstborns will show some jealousy behaviors, such as:
- Regressing in behavior and wanting to be a “baby” again
- Acting out, tantrums, or seeking negative attention
- Withdrawing from family interactions and becoming quiet
- Being rough or aggressive with the new baby
The good news is that these behaviors are usually temporary, if parents handle them gently and sensitively. With time, most kids adjust to their new role of older sibling.
How can parents help both children be happy?
While second children may have some natural advantages, wise parenting choices make a much bigger impact on happiness. Here are tips to foster joy for both first and second born kids:
- Maintain one-on-one time. Make sure each child gets regular dedicated time with mom and dad.
- Celebrate their differences. Note their unique strengths and allow each to shine.
- Never compare. Avoid comments like “be more like your sister.”
- Assign special roles. Let each have certain duties to make them feel valued.
- Teach empathy and sharing. Model kindness and help them support each other.
- Get help. Enlist family and friends so you don’t get overwhelmed.
- Take time for yourself. Happy parents = happy kids.
How does the age gap between siblings affect happiness?
Research shows that the age spacing between siblings also impacts happiness and adjustment. Some key findings:
- Kids spaced 2-4 years apart tend to have fewer conflicts and an easier adjustment period.
- Children less than 2 years apart or over 5 years apart have a tougher transition.
- Extremely wide gaps can make siblings feel more like only children.
- The closer in age, the more siblings will be natural playmates.
- Bigger gaps allow firstborns more independence before a new baby arrives.
While age spacing has some influence, it does not determine destiny. Thoughtful parenting and family bonding can overcome any spacing challenges.
Does birth order affect other aspects of life?
While the happiness differences between siblings are small, birth order may play a bigger role in shaping other attributes. Here’s what research indicates about different birth positions:
| Birth Order | Typical Traits |
|---|---|
| Firstborns | Ambitious, responsible, leaders, conformists |
| Middleborns | Agreeable, social, avoidant of conflict |
| Youngests | Outgoing, unconventional, attention-seekers |
| Only children | Mature, perfectionistic, self-reliant |
However, other influences like genetics, gender, and family environment are stronger predictors of personality than birth order alone.
Oldest child vs. youngest child
Firstborn and secondborn children tend to have noticeably different tendencies. Firstborns are often more:
- Responsible and academically-driven
- Rule-abiding and structured
- Cautious and risk-averse
- Controlling and less agreeable
Youngests tend to be:
- Fun-loving and charming
- Thrill-seeking risk takers
- Manipulative and attention-seeking
- Outgoing and unconventional
But again, parenting and environment shape personality more than birth order.
Conclusion
In answer to the original question – yes, second-born children do tend to be slightly happier than firstborns, according to research. This may be due to getting more parental attention, having a built-in playmate, or simply benefitting from more relaxed parenting the second time around. However, birth order effects are modest. With thoughtful parenting, any birth order child can grow up happy and fulfilled.