The wearing of pearls at funerals has been a debated topic for years. While some believe pearls should be reserved for happier occasions, others see them as a fitting way to honor the deceased. Here we’ll explore the history behind this tradition and look at both sides of the argument.
The History of Pearls at Funerals
The tradition of wearing pearls to funerals dates back to Victorian England. During this era, proper etiquette dictated that women wear subdued, dark clothing to pay respects at a funeral. Pearls were seen as an acceptable accent, allowing a touch of luminosity without being overly showy.
There are a few theories as to why pearls were deemed funeral-appropriate:
- Pearls represent tears. Their luminous round shape evokes a single tear drop.
- Pearls signify innocence. As they come from oysters rather than being mined, pearls were seen as “innocent” gems.
- Pearls imply life. As they come from living oysters, they can represent life rather than death.
This tradition extended into the early 20th century. However, rules gradually relaxed regarding funeral attire and the expectation to wear pearls faded.
Reasons to Wear Pearls to Funerals
Today, some still believe that pearls are a suitable and respectful choice for funerals. Reasons include:
- They are elegant yet understated.
- They represent classic mourning jewelry.
- They symbolize tears and innocence.
- Small touches of luminosity are appropriate.
- They honor earlier etiquette traditions.
Many argue that a strand of pearls can provide a sense of decorum and grace to an otherwise solemn occasion. A pearl necklace or earrings may evoke fond memories of the deceased, if they favored this gem. Ultimately, wearing pearls can be a personal choice based on respecting tradition or honoring the individual.
Reasons Not to Wear Pearls to Funerals
On the other side of the debate, some consider pearls too celebratory for funerals. Reasons not to wear them include:
- They evoke happiness or romance rather than grief.
- Their luster seems inappropriate and distracting.
- Wearing non-pearl jewelry may better represent mourning.
- They seem outdated or belong to a bygone era.
- Outfits shouldn’t call attention from the memorial.
To some, pearls represent occasions like weddings and anniversaries rather than loss. The jewels’ radiance appears cheerful next to typically somber black clothing. Alternatives like onyx, jet, or hematite may better capture the mood.
Contemporary Guidelines for Wearing Pearls
Modern etiquette guidelines don’t dictate specific jewelry for funerals. Instead, the emphasis is on wearing clean, neat, and respectable clothing. Some general suggestions include:
- Opt for subtle, understated jewelry if worn at all.
- Avoid large statement pieces that draw the eye.
- Stick to plain metals and dark gems if selecting jewelry.
- Focus is appropriately placed on the deceased rather than the living.
- Consider the wishes and outlook of the deceased family.
In most cases, simple pearl studs or a strand of pearls are considered inoffensive. But it’s wise to take cues from the family’s preferences and the overall tone of the service.
Key Considerations
When deciding whether to wear pearls to a funeral, keep these key points in mind:
- Personal meaning – Does the pearl jewelry hold special significance to you or the deceased?
- Family wishes – Have the family preferences been stated or implied?
- Type of funeral – Is the service more somber or celebratory in nature?
- Scope of pearls – Are you wearing studs or a full multi-strand necklace?
- Other jewelry/accessories – Do the pearls fit cohesively with your overall look?
Ultimately, tasteful pearls worn in moderation are generally seen as acceptable. But be sure to consider the sensibilities of others and the tone of the funeral when making your decision.
Conclusion
The wearing of pearls to funerals is wrapped up in tradition, symbolism, and sensibility. While once expected, pearls are now an optional choice based on personal outlook. Small touches may be a graceful nod to the past or the deceased. But restraint is advised, keeping the funeral’s solemn nature in mind. If considering pearls, look to the family’s cues and focus on honoring the individual in a respectful, inclusive way.